Post # 1
I’m someone that is very introverted. My personal time is spent by myself or working on my own projects.
Anyway, I feel like I must be really unattractive to my fiance because I have NO friends… it just sort of happened once I left college, people went their separate ways and I just continued on what I was doing. I feel like even though we’re getting married I’m being taken back to that whole, you have to have your own life outside your relationship. And regardless of how busy I am, I am always “available”…
But, I feel that I do. I am always busy working or on projects and I am happy with my personal time. But I think to him I come off as being unattractive. Like he never has to wonder where I am or anything. Not that he should, but it’s like… what the heck does he care where I am or what I’m up to if he doesn’t see me to do something else? My butt is parked at my house. And the way I feel with him is he is sometimes hard to get a hold of and he could be doing a multitude of things if not with me. So I do feel really left out when it happens. He has an entire life outside of me.
Sometimes I feel like he thinks I’m a loser. I wonder how he’d be if I were out with people and out of contact like he is? I don’t know what else to say but something came up and it really gave me this impression, curious if I am doing something wrong or what I can do… not sure who may understnad, but figured i’d post and give it a whirl for any advice!
Post # 3
I am a homebody too. I wouldn’t worry about it making you less attractive to your FI. I would worry about the fact that you need your own support system outside of your FI, not just a “life” outside of him. In my opinion, it is important to spend time with family and friends in addition to your FI which is doesn’t sound like you do much. The reason outside relationships are so important to me is when you are upset or have a problem you can turn to more than just one person for comfort or advice. Only relying on one person for all of your emotional needs puts a lot of pressure on that one person.
You said that you have a lot of projects and hobbies that you like doing. Could you take a class at a local community center and meet new people that way? It would also help with your original fear of being too available to your FI.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2011 - Hunter's Ridge, Princeton, IL
Something similar happened to me when I moved to a brand new area with my FI after college. I do most of my work from home and wasn’t meeting too many new people, and I started feeling left out when he was making tons of new friends at work. I started resenting him for wanting to get a drink with his new friends, or making plans with his coworkers, so I had a heart-to-heart talk with him and told him how I was feeling. He had NO IDEA I was so concerned about this, but not really having anything to do or anyone to hang out with was embarrassing to me.
Talk openly and honestly about it to your FI, because I doubt he thinks you’re a loser or unattractive because you spend more time at home…if he thought those things, why would he be with you? If you want to get out and meet new people, ask your FI for help (I was embarrassed to do that, but it worked so well)–Mr. Jam joined a local softball team with his friends, and I became friends with their partners by going to the games and events.
I feel for ya, lady. Remember to always do what makes YOU happy, and if it makes you unattractive or lame in your FI’s eyes, maybe you should reconsider more than just your social habits! : )
Post # 5
I’m like this sometimes too. I moved to another state and all of my friends stayed home, so I lost touch with a lot of them. I’m pretty introverted as well, so without the convenience of college I had a lot of trouble making new friends. FI goes out with his friends a lot because he’s active in a lot of sport leagues, so I mostly just try to focus on taking care of myself and exploring hobbies. I’m always at the gym, out with the dog or working on craft projects or trying to recipes now.
Post # 6
He wouldnt have proposed to you if these things bother him. I wouldnt worry about it too much. You can always try to be involved with other activities or just go out on your own to the mall or library just so you’re not home all the time.
Post # 7
I’m a homebody too. I’m happy to stay home and do crafts. We moved to a new city 1.5 years ago and I haven’t really made friends here. He makes friends easily. There isn’t a lot of time where I go out with people myself. Rare ocassions. Mostly it is us doing something or him doing something and me staying home.
I do have a support system of family & friends back home.
The odd occassion it feels lonely but mostly I am all right with this.
Post # 8
Like Bells said, he wouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t love YOU. Introversion is part of you, and he loves that. DH was really popular in HS and I was a total loser, when I get together with his friends and they talk about HS crazy times I am like *beep* can’t relate *beep* [But, we are pushing 30 and they’re still talking about HS crazy times, so there’s that]
He might be concerned FOR you, thinking you are lonely, since sometimes extroverts don’t understand our need to be alone, but talk to him about your concerns since I’m sure he doesn’t think you’re a loser.
Post # 9
have you tried actually talking to him about this? Seems pretty pointless to be beating yourself up about something you are assuming is happening without any confirmation. Communicate. It probably isn’t how you perceive it at all.
Post # 10
I am just like you and I actually like being that way. I am not big on friendships. I have close acquaintances. I am really close to two of my cousins but that’s the extent of that. We don’t usually hang out at the mall, etc. Once in a blue moon. If I have some deep issues, I will probably email her, talk on MSN, or phone.
I enjoy the ‘me’ time a LOT. I am working out, giving myself beauty treatments (face masks, doing my nails, hair, etc.), watching chick flicks (or other movies!), baking cake, cooking some exotic dish, reading novels, etc. Given all that, I hardly realize the time fly!
Post # 11
I’m very much the same OP! I’d rather be by myself than in the company of others. I like to hang out on a Friday or Saturday night, but during the day, I won’t go out of my way to hang out with someone. I also feel the same way about my SO who has many more friends than I and I often spend a night home alone while he is out partying with work pals. Sometimes it bothers me if their girlfriends are there and I didn’t get an invite. There are two ways to deal with it: a) force yoursefl to make friends, join clubs, etc. or b) accept things the way they are.