Does this qualify as being jealous/insecure?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Creiddylad:  Hugs are nice, everyone likes hugs…and a hug is certainly not a threat to your relationship, especially if its an ex…you’d prefer he treat her like dirt?  I think it shows he’s a nice guy…Mr. 99 can hug anyone he wants to….

Post # 4
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Creiddylad:  It’s an ex so there is physical, emotional, and sexual history. We have a “no ex” policy in our relationship and I don’t think I am jealous or insecure. I think it is disrespectful to carry on with an ex when you’re in a new relationship. Sometimes the past needs to be left in the past. I think your mom might be an exception – I don’t know any girls who would be cool with this. My FI would definitely know better than to do this 😛

Post # 5
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with her. If you were secure and weren’t jealous why would it bother you? It’s a good thing for someone to be on good terms with an ex. 

Post # 6
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I really, really think it depends on the situation. If for some reason DH was still talking to his exes as friends (like they had mutual feelings about the breakups) I think I would be fine with it. We’re huggers. I think I’d feel somewhat uncomfortable, but not jealous or angry or anything. 

Post # 7
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would not have an issue with it.  H’s ex’s are from like 2004 and ealrier, so I would not have any qualms about him giving a hug to someone he dated.  We’re married and in our 30s. 


Does it mean you’re jealous?  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s because you’re still in the dating stage?  If you were married would you feel the same or would it be no threat at all?

Post # 8
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Creiddylad:  Hm. Maybe we are in the minority after all, lol. I’m not a fan, and our arrangement works for us. I think as long as the two of you are in agreement about how you handle these situations, you’re golden.

Post # 9
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Creiddylad:  Personally, it wouldn’t bother me at all, but I don’t think the fact you wouldn’t like it makes you insecure necessarily.

Post # 10
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Creiddylad:  I know I’m an insecure, jealous person — which is my cross to bear, but I’m working on it — so it would bother me if my FH did that with any of his exes. For instance there’s a woman he works with for whom he once had feelings, and it was right before he and I started dating. It bothers me from time to time that they’re still friends, but I have to tell myself that it’s nothing.

Post # 11
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Creiddylad:  I’d feel the same as you. And if it makes me insecure/jealous then so be it. As long as I don’t do anything extreme, like stalk all his female co-workers for no good reason or whatever, I think I’m ok with being insecure/jealous.


And I pretty much consult the Bee before I do something stupid anyway, so that should help.


Post # 13
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Creiddylad:  sounds insecure to me. I’m still friends with several of my exes and I’d be pissed if my husband were to ever say something along the lines of “I won’t allow it”. 

Post # 14
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsPanda99:  agree on the “no exes” policy. Of course that is a question that always blows up on the Bee, but the way I see it, are they really so important that they’re worth making your partner uncomfortable just to maintain a friendship with? Almost always a big fat NOPE to that one. So I would be really weirded out and uncomfortable if DH decided to hug some chick he used to put his penis into. Nope. Not cool. He can say hi if we ran into her somewhere, but he better act awkward and uncomfortable and then end the interaction as quickly as possible, haha.

Post # 15
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with her and was always crazy jealous over nothing when in relationships I didn’t feel secure in. My DH always has made me feel secure so I’ve never had any issues with jealousy.

Post # 16
8678 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Exes are not a threat to your relationship, so why the jealousy or insecurity?

Hugs are nice. The world would be a better place if we all hugged each other more.

Yes, you sound insecure to me. If my husband’s ex hugged him, I’d probably ask for a hug too.

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