Post # 1
We’ve been together since April 2011 and around Christmas we started discussing marriage. Well he told me that he would definitely propose before my birthday, which was May 4, 2012. It came and went, no ring. He bought me A ring, but not THE ring. I even asked him if it was THE ring, and he said no. A few nights ago i got so sick of waiting and i sent an angry text saying, “What is it going to take to get a commitment out of you!” and he responded, “Nothing, cuz it may be closer than you think.”
What do you think that means? Is he finally proposing, or just blowing me off? We’ve been dating 13 months but we have known each other for about five years now.
I forgot to add, a couple of weeks ago i was at his house and i walked into the hallway to look for him and i overheard him talking to his mom, saying he was considering doing it while my grandma was here from Ohio. Well she just arrived yesterday! So i am having a very hard time sitting still!
Post # 3
Why dont you ask him in person?
This isn’t a conversation for texting.
Post # 4
He might be, don’t ruin it by pushing it so much.
Post # 5
Just relax, he will do it when your not even expecting it.
Post # 6
@SerenityLove: It’s really hard to say what he meant by that. He may have been trying to throw you off, he may have meant he getting ready to propose very soon. I would just let it go and try not read too much into it. You’ll only drive yourself crazy trying to figure it all out. Try to relax and find things to do that interest you. Waiting is difficult but when he’s ready, he’ll propose and I bet it will be perfect.
That being said, the Bee is a great place to vent, and get support and advice. You’ll be in good company while you wait!
Post # 7
@s.renea9: I agree.
He’ll ask when the time is right, what’s the rush? Hes already said hes committed and plans on popping the question at some point.
Post # 8
I think he made a bit of a faux pas by giving you a ring tha wasn’t -the- ring. In my opinion, the first ring you get from a guy should be THE ring.
I think it’s great progress that after a year, he’s already talking marriage and seriously talking about proposing. It was a year (my partner and I are in our late 20s – he’s much closer to 30 – and we’ve been together for 4 years) before my partner would even discuss the idea of eventually getting married, TO ANYBODY. About 2 years before he would talk about getting married to me.
I’d say treat yourself to some alone time this weekend – go see friends, go out to a movie, etc., calm down a little bit, if you can. Spend time with your grandma. It does sound like he may be close to proposing. But how close? Could be a week, could be 6 months, could be a year.
Post # 9
the rush is that my doc told me that by the time im 30, i wont be able to get pregnant. I want kids. Im 23 now, and if he proposes in a year, il be 24. If it takes two years to get everything ready for marriage, ill be 26, and then after marriage he will prob want to wait a couple of years before trying, so ill be 27-28 before even TTC. that is awfully close to the cutoff time. And adoption isnt even an option where i live. There are no adoption clinics or orphanages nearby, and i really want that experience of holding my own baby in my arms, to know that i created her/him and that the baby is MINE, not just someone else’s who is tired of holding them. That is my rush.
Post # 10
Your concerns are totally legitimate, Serenity. But I have to say – stressing marriage talk after a bit more than a year is going to be tough (is your boyfriend close in age to you? Maybe a few years older?), and especially if he picks up on the idea that it’s mostly so that you can have kids.
Don’t get me wrong – I’d want to try and have kids as quickly as possible in the same predicament too. But it’s not necessarily conducive to having the healthiest and strongest relationship when, after a year, there’s such an immediacy to get married. Pressure to commit after a year of dating – even if you have known each other, however well, for 5 years – only gets compounded when fertility issues are added on top of that.
I’ll admit I haven’t read your other posts yet – have you given him your timeline? Does he understand the gravity of your fertility issues? Does he have a stable job, is he finished with school? If neither of those are true, you may do better to move on and meet someone who’s a little more established if you’d like to have children.
You say you think he will probably want to wait a few years after marriage before trying – that sounds like a big incompatibility for you. You really need to talk to him about that and get a timeframe out of that. If he can’t give you a timeframe, then I think that you can’t – and shouldn’t – commit to a relationship with him. After a year, I think you should have a decent idea of where your relationship is going.
I would let him know: “I’d like to be married by 25 and hopefully have my first child by 27. How do you feel about trying for kids immediately after we marry?”
Post # 11
Is your doctor a psychic? How does he know you will magically not be able to concieve after your 30th birthday?
Post # 12
@SerenityLove: Adoption is an option in every country, state, city, town, home, etc.
And most doctors would not tell you that you have a cut off time. I would get a second opinion and not rush this along.
Post # 13
What is the reason that your doctor said this??
Post # 14
You could use a surrogate? Then it would still be your baby.
Post # 15
@SerenityLove: I find it very interesting that you failed to mention that you want a baby WITH HIM. It sounds like you just want a baby. You also haven’t mentioned that you love him, that you want to be with him, that you can’t imagine your life without him?
Post # 16
I understand your pregnancy concerns, but let’s say he proposes next year when you’re 24. I don’t think it will necessarily take two years to finally be married; after all, you’ve only been officially together for a little over a year. If it’s the money situation, start saving now. As for waiting for a year or two before having children? I understand most couples ideally want to do this, but in your situtation, you don’t have the luxury of time.
So what I’m saying is, your pregnancy concerns (and I really sympathize with you, I have a condition that sounds pretty similar to whatever you have) are driving this timeline, but you have more time than you think. You may have to sacrifice the grand wedding that would take two years to plan/save for; your bf may have to sacrifice the “enjoy being married without kids” time, but you have to set your priorities.
Also, I don’t know your bf or your situation, but according to my experience and many others’ I’ve talked to, men need TIME to commit. A man can love his gf to the very depths of his soul, but she needs to understand love is not enough to make a commitment. I speak from experience: my fiance and I have been together for 7 years, and he proposed in May, but had been planning it since Christmas. I asked him (nicely) why it took so long (7 years), and he said he didn’t feel mature enough, until he woke up one morning and said to himself, “What am I doing? Why are we not married yet?”
My advice is do not pressure him. The decision to marry involves both you and him, and you’ve obviously agreed on that point, but the proposal is sometimes the only, single decision that is completely up to the man. Trust him, respect him, give him space. It may happen sooner than you think.