(Closed) Does this sound like I’m micromanaging my bridesmaids’ appearances?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Will this come off as me being a control freak/not trusting their judgment?
    Yes : (8 votes)
    12 %
    No : (61 votes)
    88 %
  • Post # 3
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    I didn’t vote because I think it depends. You could tell your BMs to wear any shoe in black/silver/gold or whatever, and that way they can choose to wear something they already own, or buy new. So you are saving them an expense anyway. Or you could send them all $50 and tell them it’s for their shoes. Actually choosing their shoes for them *could* come across as controlling especially if they didn’t get a say. Earrings would make nice gifts and I wouldn’t see that as controlling as the shoes, since they can usually be worn again unlike shoes which might be more specific to the dress/occasion.

    Post # 4
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Maybe you could just give them the earrings as a part of their bridesmaids gifts. That way, it doesn’t look as controlling and chances are, they’ll still wear them. It’s pretty standard for the bride to choose shoes for their maids, so I don’t think that’s over the top.You could go shoe shopping with them and then offer to pay for whichever ones they like.

    And you could be alot worse, like on Bridezillas when the bride demands her maids go on diets and lose 10 pounds before the wedding.

    Post # 5
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think it will come off as controlling, however- as in my experience, some of the ladies may not agree on a shoe.  I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man with an injured ankle, another one who is pregnant, one is plus-size, the other a size too, etc.  They won’t all agree on a heel height or straps v. no straps.  That may back fire on ya.  So maybe if your girls all agree on a shoe, you could do that.  If not, maybe offer to pay for the shoe they’ve decided they’d like to wear?  And the earrings is fine, in my opinion, to give them.  I wouldn’t be put off by it. 

    Post # 6
    2186 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    you could just give them the $ to use towards shoes in a certain color? i know that if someone bought me shoes i would be kinda pissed only because certain shoes i simply cannot walk in since i have falling arches and narrow feet and literally walk two steps and my feet go numb…..

    Post # 7
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2010

    I don’t think it’s controlling. I think it might make things smoother by getting their opinions and feedback first, but all in all it seems like a nice gesture.

    Post # 8
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    It’s pretty standard for a bride to specify a shoe and jewelry for her bridesmaids to wear, and you’re very nice to be paying for both. (My impression is that a bridesmaid usually expects to pay for her own shoes, but the jewelry would be a gift from the bride). You’ll of course want to work with them in the shoe selection process to make sure they will be comfortable in the shoes you select. I think your Fiance is being unnecessarily hard on you. Unless your bridesmaids have some issue with the shoes and jewelry you pick for them, you’re fine.

    Post # 9
    5985 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t think this is out of line. 


    If you genuinely are concerned about relieving them of the cost (not with dictating how they look) why not just write a cheque like Mrs. Avocado did for her ladies (she gave them each $100 and told them to wear a black dress and gold accents).  That way they can choose whatever shoes work for them.  And better yet, if they already own appropriate shoes the money now goes to offsetting the cost of the dress!

    As a bridesmaid I wouldn’t be offended by a bride buying me earings or shoes, it’s very generous.  But in reality all of our feet are different and not everyone will like/feel comfortable in the same shoes.  Similar with earings.  I happen to be allergic to inexpensive earings.  Would I wear them for a friend?  Of course!  Would I rather wear my own earings that don’t give me crusty ear holes?  Yes.

    Post # 10
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    It certainly sounds like you’re not intending to be controlling.  I like some of the previous suggestions to you.  I would shy away from choosing their shoes.  I like when brides give parameters, like color but don’t require a specific shoe.  You might have a hard timegetting everyone to feel comfortable in the same shoe.  Also, shoe purchases don’t have to be expensive. Maybe they already have something to wear from the last wedding they were in.  Maybe they can find something from payless for dirt cheap.

    So if you can give them some money toward shoes, or a gift certificate to like DSW or something, that might help.  I like giving the jewelry for a Bridesmaid or Best Man gift.  Also, you could offer to pay for their hair/mu.

    Post # 11
    1385 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t think it’s controlling I think it’s a nice gift! Just give it to them as a gift to wear for the wedding! :o)

    Post # 12
    219 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I understand that you are looking to help your BMs with the cost, and as a prior Bridesmaid or Best Man I think that is AWESOME. However, I think you may want to consider the shoe purchase. If you want to purchase the shoes, that’s fine, but you should let your BMs pick out ones they are comfortable in. Assign a specific color and let them choose from there. I say this because shoes are pretty “intimate” and they can make or break an entire night — if you are stuck in uncomfortable or painful shoes (especially ones you didn’t pick yourself), the whole occasion can be miserable. Just a thought.

    Post # 13
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I don’t think it’s controlling, but i’d talk to them first. If they have shoes they want to wear already, you could just give money, or make it a fun shopping outing with the girls to find new shoes?

    Post # 14
    545 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    If I were a bridesmaid and the bride offers to buy earrings and shoes for me, I wouldn’t think it’s controlling.  I’d be a little concerned with the shoes chosen, though, as I am particular with shoes (comfort issues).  So perhaps let them pick their shoes somehow?

    Post # 15
    3539 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I just said to my girls.. they needed to be black open toe… and my Maid/Matron of Honor of was with me and I actually paid for her shoes (they were $50 AUD dollars) which were cheap! and the other two said they already had a pair 🙂

    As for earings… I havent thought about it yet, but buying them as part of their gift is really nice 🙂 I wouldnt see that as controlling!

    Post # 16
    1129 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think you are being controlling – I’m planning to buy my maids their wedding jewelry as a thank you (not as their gifts) and if I could afford it, I would buy their shoes too.

    The only thing I would say is not to require them all to wear a specific shoe – I agree with the above poster, I cannot wear heels due to foot problems and if someone insisted, then I would be screwed.


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