Post # 1
So when FI and I got engaged, we wanted a destination wedding. Well, both sets of parents threw money at that and they agreed to match our wedding amount we had set aside for our DW if we had a wedding here. So this effective tripled our wedding budget. We agreed.
Now both sets have been decent during the planning but they both wanted to invite their friends who we do not know. Since the initial budget was small in comparison to wedding costs and only covered 66 guests we couldn’t afford even with their initial gift to host 66 plus their about 20 friends (between the 2 families).
So my MIL said that she will cover the cost of her additional guests dinner and then whatever their gift is to us is ours.
My parents came up with another idea. They wanted to know the overall final cost of the wedding and then get their per person count from taking this number and dividing it the number of guests (ex. 10,000/85 guests = $117 per person). They then said for each of their guests if they gift less then their per person cost, they will cover the shortfall. If they gift above the per person cost then thats out gift portion.
Just wondering what you think is more accurate/acceptable?
Post # 3
Personally if I or FI did not know the person I would have a hard time inviting them at all. I like your FMIL’s idea better because a gift shouldn’t dictate how much you spend on your wedding, it just doesn’t seem right to me. And what happens if they give you an actual gift and you don’t know how much it cost? If your parents want their friends who are strangers to you to come to your wedding then they should pay for it.
Post # 4
@missjewels: I guess my feeligs on it are- gifts our optional, even if it’s from our parents.
If money is an issue, and they are covering the cost of THIER guests, then you should graciously accept whatever they gift you- no matter how large or small.
Here is how MY (divorced) parents are doing it: dad and stepmom have 4 people total they have specifically added to the guest list. All four are people that I would have invited. They are giving us $XX amount of dollars as a wedding gift- we were told this right when we got engaged. We won’t get it until we are married, but we know how much it is.
My mom told us she would pay $XX amount TOWARDS our wedding. She invited more guests that I don’t even know- but her portion will cover those guests.
My mom and I DID have a conversation just this weekend- because I was a little diappointed in what was seeming to take place. I wanted to have a VERY small wedding and do a restaurant reception. I hate being in the spotlight, and I figured that FI and I would spend maybe $3500-$5k max. Although my mom never specifically said “No”, she quietly pushed us into having a more “traditional” wedding- likely because she is an event planner. We are spending TWICE as much as our original budget- and the ONLY reason I agreed and signed a contract with our venue was because my mom was kind enough to offer her amount.
I am not greedy, but just trying to be a responsible adult and not go broke! Turns out though- it seemed my mom was wanting to spend her contribition on tons of “extras”- special linens, a runner for me to walk down, little things that don’t get me wrong- might be cool, but we are getting married in a gorgeous mansion- so it’s not like we’re having this total “bland” wedding.
I had to explain to her that while we are thankful for her gift, a portion NEEDS to go to the venue – she invited at least 8 people which is close to $1000.
As long as her guests are covered- I don’t care about anything else.
I think as long as your parents guests are covered, you can’t really ask for more? It’s a gift- which is the most important thing to remember.