Does this sound right to you…parents paying for their guests.

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Personally if I or FI did not know the person I would have a hard time inviting them at all.  I like your FMIL’s idea better because a gift shouldn’t dictate how much you spend on your wedding, it just doesn’t seem right to me.  And what happens if they give you an actual gift and you don’t know how much it cost?  If your parents want their friends who are strangers to you to come to your wedding then they should pay for it.

Post # 4
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@missjewels:  I guess my feeligs on it are- gifts our optional, even if it’s from our parents.

 

If money is an issue, and they are covering the cost of THIER guests, then you should graciously accept whatever they gift you- no matter how large or small.

 

Here is how MY (divorced) parents are doing it:  dad and stepmom have 4 people total they have specifically added to the guest list.  All four are people that I would have invited.  They are giving us $XX amount of dollars as a wedding gift- we were told this right when we got engaged.  We won’t get it until we are married, but we know how much it is.

 

My mom told us she would pay $XX amount TOWARDS our wedding.  She invited more guests that I don’t even know- but her portion will cover those guests.  

 

My mom and I DID have a conversation just this weekend- because I was a little diappointed in what was seeming to take place.  I wanted to have a VERY small wedding and do a restaurant reception.  I hate being in the spotlight, and I figured that FI and I would spend maybe $3500-$5k max.  Although my mom never specifically said “No”, she quietly pushed us into having a more “traditional” wedding- likely because she is an event planner.  We are spending TWICE as much as our original budget- and the ONLY reason I agreed and signed a contract with our venue was because my mom was kind enough to offer her amount.

 

 

 

I am not greedy, but just trying to be a responsible adult and not go broke!  Turns out though- it seemed my mom was wanting to spend her contribition on tons of “extras”- special linens, a runner for me to walk down, little things that don’t get me wrong- might be cool, but we are getting married in a gorgeous mansion- so it’s not like we’re having this total “bland” wedding.

 

I had to explain to her that while we are thankful for her gift, a portion NEEDS to go to the venue – she invited at least 8 people which is close to $1000.

 

As long as her guests are covered- I don’t care about anything else.  

 

I think as long as your parents guests are covered, you can’t really ask for more?  It’s a gift- which is the most important thing to remember.

 

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