Post # 1
I have wanted a destination wedding since I understood the concept of marriage. My SO feels the same way. We’re still looking to pin down some details (like getting the engagement ring..haha. I’m indecisive).
Our family has always been really excited about his, until the other day….when SO’s brother announced that they were having their third child due at the end of May. Even though we’re not planning on getting married until spring of 2013, it suddenly became an open discussion (that we didn’t initiate) about how we should have a local wedding because it will be so hard for Chris to be able to travel by then. He’s the only one bringing in an income and they just bought a new house so finances will be even tighter with a third child.
Is it selfish of me to immediately think that it’s really not my problem and they made the decision to have three kids. Why should we have to change anything because of his choices? I understand it would be weird to have a wedding without his brother there, but as I said…not. our. problem. I don’t know if I sound like a huge witch right now, but I need some perspective. Is it insane for people to suggest changes because of someone else’s life?
Post # 3
Not selfish at all. You’re right–it was their decision, and now they have to live with it.
Post # 4
I tend to agree that it’s not your problem. Have a party when you come back, though, throw folks a bone.
Post # 5
Having a destination wedding, IMO, means that not everyone that you may want to be there will be able to make it. I feel like this is part of the downsides of a Destination Wedding. That said – if you and Fiance want a Destination Wedding, then you should proceed as planned – giving all your guests enough time to save and plan. If his brother can’t make it, and Fiance is ok with that, then continue on as planned.
Post # 6
Its your wedding, you need to do what’s best for you. You can always host a home reception for people who can’t come to the destination wedding. If we had the money, that’s what we would have done, but we decided to get married at home and we will do a destination vow renewal for our 5th or 10th, depending on our money situation
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
No, you’re totally not selfish. They decided to have three kids, which means that certain things in life may not be possible or convenient anymore, like attending a destination wedding. It’s just silly for you to completely rearrange your wedding plans because of one couple’s decisions. And I think it’s really inappropriate that they opened up a conversation about changing your wedding. That is not really their place at all.
Post # 7
Well, for some people, it’s pretty important that their closest family members be at their weddings. I think it’s reasonable that it be discussed, and most times, you’ll know pretty early on who might be able to attend no matter what.
My younger daughter wanted one too, but once we realized who wouldn’t go that far (from NJ to Mexico) and that neither Grandparent would even FLY, it was pretty easy to eliminate that destination…neither could see themselves getting married without their only Grandparent present. It would also have been a financial hardship for other close family too, so they decided to make theirs more local (but still an hour away) so everyone could be there.
You have time. Now that the seed has been planted, many things can change.
Post # 8
Maybe you can have an at home reception as well for those who cant make it to the destination wedding itself?
Post # 9
No you’re not selfish! Like PP’s posters said, have a reception or party when you come back. It’s your wedding – you’re not responsible for their pregnancy lol.
Post # 10
No, not selfish at all. It’s selfish for other family members to think your world, your wedding has to revolve around their decisions whether it’s for financial reasons, not wanting to travel whatever the case.
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s necessarily selfish. It’s just about priorities. If getting married on a beach somewhere is more important to you than the convenience of your guests, and possibly having your brother in attendance, then the beach wins. Simple. Do what you want, but be prepared for others to do what they want too.
Post # 12
@KJM2013: Not selfish at all. I grappled with this recently. There are some people that think that everyone should change everything for their decision (to have another kid or another big decision). I can’t believe how some people act like the world revolves around them and others have to bend to their needs only. Have the wedding that you want not what they want. I seriously think people like this need to know that there are consequences to actions and that they can’t have their cake and eat it too. I would never want anyone to change their wedding plans because my plans to have a kid get in the way. End Rant!
Post # 13
That is not selfish at all. There are a few things I have learned in my life and one if them is 99% of people are only concerned about themselves and whatever is going on in their life is more important than yours. They want YOU to rearrange YOUR life for them when they wouldn’t do the same for you. You have to do what you and your SO want for your wedding, or you will regret it forever. Sounds like I have a really sad view of people, I know lol, but that’s been my experience.
Post # 14
@MrsCoachBtoBee: Beautifully stated.
Thanks for all of the great advice, bees! Thankfully we have a lot of time to give our guests information so they can start saving and making arrangements. A celebration when we return would be nice too.
Post # 15
No, I don’t think you’re being selfish. I kind of agree with you. You shouldn’t have to completely change your plans because of other people’s financial situation. However, you can be conscious of how much it’s going to cost for others. Some of my family members don’t have a lot of money, we still decided to have my wedding 10 hours away (where my Darling Husband and I live). My parents helped out the rest of my family as far as travel and hotel rooms. Is there anyone in your family (including you and your FI) who could help offset the prices for them to travel?