(Closed) Does this sound too desperate?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Alright, who are you and how did you steal my personality? I’m exactly the same – I hate initiating social events, because I feel like I’ll either come across as clingy, I’ll inconvenience people, or they’ll just be bored (and here I am planning a wedding!).

I think what you sent her is perfectly fine. A single text asking to catch up isn’t clingy – ten texts might be considered clingy, but one should be fine 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t think you sound desperate at all. <3

I used to feel really awkward when I was younger asking people if they wanted to go do stuff. (What if they said no?!) So I always really appreciated the kind of people who took the first step and invited *me* to go somewhere.

I’m much more relaxed about extending social invitations now, but I find that it’s so much easier for me to befriend someone who likes to organize social events/gatherings because it’s just so much less pressure on me to try to work so hard on maintaining the relationship.

Post # 5
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@keepsmiling19:  don’t feel like a loser! some of us just have trouble talking to others. I have experienced second guessing myself too, or trying to hard to read what the other person is thinking but when I think back, all that nervous energy really didn’t serve me well at all!

You should be proud of yourself for reaching out to her. Did she respond?

Post # 7
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

As we get older and aren’t in school anymore, it can become very difficult to make new friends! Gone are the days of sitting next to people in class and gradually striking up a very natural friendship or being in the same club together. 

I agree with everyone, GOOD FOR YOU for taking the next step to make friends! I think it’s awesome that you both like healthy activities, too. One of my best friends and I absolutely LOVE to go to zumba classes together and then out to eat afterwards. It’s fun to plan girl dates!

I’m pretty outgoing at this point, but it has taken many years to get there. I still appreciate when someone asks me to do something! Just last week an old friend called whom I hadn’t seen in YEARS and asked me to coffee. It was the highlight of my month! I was so happy he thought of me and thought to ask.

Post # 8
Member
8464 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@keepsmiling19:  Best of luck!  And don’t worry, everyone has their socially awkward moments (me x 1000), and I think as long as you’re not annoying, it’s actually pretty endearing.  I think a text like that is friendly; but if you start showing up on her doorstep unannounced, that’s being a stalker.

Post # 9
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Generally, I am more inclined to say yes to a hangout if there are more specific plans. Like “Hey are you free Saturday? I was thinking of going to a spin class” vs “are you free between January and May?”  

You don’t need to tell her how your husband is working late or tell her that you guys have things in common, just ask if she wants to do X on Y date with Z people. If she’s busy you reply “Does another date work better for you?”  

I am crazy social and one of 3 main planners in the groups I hang with regularly. 

Post # 10
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsBroccoli:  I second this advice!  Pick out a fun thing (spinning class, yoga, trying out a new coffee shop, etc), and send them an invite asking if they would be interested. 

It’s also entirely appropriate to ask if you can invite yourself along if two people are talking about plans that sound like fun.  You are only considered clingy if you do this often; the occationally tag along is totally fine.  But, after you tag along once, you should try to set up the next group activity.  Maybe a few days later after joining them for something, send them an email saying, “Hey, there is [something fun] that I wanted to [do, see, etc] this [Friday] after work.  Would you guys be interested?” 

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