Post # 1
Thanks for reading to the end if you do 🙂
FI’s Bridesmaid or Best Man is a nice guy. His wife….I just can’t figure out. At the moment I’m relying on her to supply something for our wedding and I’m not sure whether or not to cut my losses….give me your opinions please.
I’ve known her for a while…we’ve never been close. I find her quite difficult to talk to. She seems uncomfortable around me and always seems a eager to finish our conversations. As a group it’s usually me, her, sometimes another girl who she’s nice to, and a few other guys. Around new year things btw us seemed to worsen and I just don’t know why.
It started with a conversation I overheard btw her and my Fiance. He’d bought me a really expensive present for xmas….I didn’t like it at all. He’s taken many of my gifts back so I knew no problem if I said can we exchange it. We did, for a much cheaper, nicer bag. Somehow this came up in conversation btw them on a night out. I overheard her seriously bitch to my Fiance about me exchanging the gift. Fiance stuck up for me but she went on for a good few minutes about how wrong I was to do that. Ok, maybe she disagrees. It’s a one off…I let it go. A few other minor things happened. Things which seemed like she was trying to make me into a bitch…..really childish things.
She’s pregnant recently…I was really happy for her and we went to see them and I got a card and told her how happy I was for her. About an hour after we’d arrived all the guys went for food and left us alone. It was ok but I said to her I hoped she didn’t mind me being there too and that I hoped she didn’t feel she had to ‘entertain me’ as recently she’d been feeling ill with pregnancy….she responded with “well I didn’t think you were going to stay long.” I felt so uncomfortable, I left about 10 mins later.
As she’s supposed to supplying something for our wedding, I facebooked her a few weeks ago with a question. She ignored my msg. She’s on FB 24/7. So she got it. Yesterday I texted the same question to her as I need an answer. Nearly 48 hours later….still no reply. Now I have to get Fiance to ask for me…..
Does this woman dislike me? Am I being paranoid? What do I do about relying on her. If I go and buy the things she’s promised, I’ll look like i’m being stroppy…
Post # 3
I don’t want to say she doesn’t like you because who knows what’s up with her but she certainly doesn’t sound like the kindest person on earth. I would go with my gut on this one though…usually your gut is right.
Post # 4
Dislike? Maybe. Maybe not. Hate? Probably not. It sounds like she’s just a bit socially awkward and inconsiderate. It happens. That being said, if what’s she’s doing for the wedding is really important, it’s totally okay to want to make sure everything is on track. I’m assuming you aren’t bugging her about this on a daily basis, so she would be replying to you. Maybe ask your fiance to ask how things are progressing – it’s his wedding as well so you could just put him in charge of making sure she follows through.
Post # 5
There’s definitely something off about her but that doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you. Maybe she’s just socially inept and bad at being around other women.
Post # 6
why do you want to be friends with her? She sounds snobby and self-absorbed. I’d keep the contact to a minimum.
Post # 7
If I were you I would just go buy the thing she offered to give you. She doesnt seem like a very friendly or nice person. And the fact that she isnt even messaging you back is just down right rude! It’s like she knows you want something from her but is purposely playing a game to keep you from getting it! I would be so annoyed and wouldnt even bother to waste my time on her anymore.
Post # 8
People will always SHOW youwith their Actions how they really feel about you rather than anything they say – and with what you have said here I would say she is not your biggest fan!! Perhapsyou do not live your life as she would hers – BUT that is no reason to judge you as she seems to be doing – perhaps she needs to learn some decorum!
I would not rely on her – in fact I would send her a message and copy your Fiance and say that thanks for offereing to get Blank Blank for the wedding but you found it yourself so went ahead and as you did not receive a reply did not wish to bother her as she must clearly have been busy!!
Let it go as much as you can otherwise she will start to control your thoughts more than she should be! 🙂
Post # 9
Wow, she sounds pleasant (sarcasm). I feel for you but try not to take it too hard, it’s not your fault. Obviously she has issues. It could be that she’s jealous of you. It could be that she’s just not a warm or kind person by nature. It could also be that she doesn’t like you for whatever reason.
More importantly, though, this woman is not good for you to be around, so avoid her if you possibly can. It does not matter, really, if she likes you or does not like you. It matters that she does not treat you well. And you don’t deserve that! Just “don’t like her” back and keep your distance if you possibly can. What a b-tch!
Post # 10
yaa its hard to judge without knowing her, but to me it sounds a little like she doesn’t like you. I would get Fiance to ask her and if she is still vague or unresponsive then I would go ahead and do it myself because who knows if she is planning to or not.
Post # 11
Thanks guys. In the space of 6 months, i think i’ve asked her a question on 3 occasions. I get that she has her own life and I’m nowhere near the top of her list of priorities, I just think she could reply to something and say, i’m really busy at the mo, give me time and i’ll get back to you. Then there’s no problem.
I guess I also don’t like it when people don’t like me, needy as that sounds. We were ok at the beginning and I don’t know what’s changed. Given how gobby she is, i’m also worried she might be often badmouthing me to my Fiance or to her husband who then may convey the msg to Fiance. I don’t want things to be weird because these are friends he’s had for years and years.
Post # 12
I’d cut her loose and then just be polite/civil to her, no need to go out of your way to make her a friend. You sound like you were very nice to her but she’s not receptive so that’s her problem.
Post # 13
Question- was she at any point friends with your FI’s ex girlfriend? That’s what I would guess! I don’t think you should rely on someone who makes it known she’s not your friend!
Post # 14
@ticatica: You could try talking to her but it might open you up to more of her vitriol. If you can’t avoid her then take the high road. Kill her with kindness. At the very least you can be as purposely annoying as possible just to have some fun with it.
As far as being upset about it, it’s unreasonable to think that in life everyone will like you. Most people will, if you treat them well, but some people just won’t for their own personal reasons. Maybe you remind her of someone from the third grade who peed in her cornflakes. It really doesn’t matter. Make the decision that YOUR opinion of you is what matters, not anyone else’s.
Post # 15
Kinda sounds to me like this girl doesn’t like HERSELF which means she’s unable to just be a nice person. I’d cut your losses, and just let it go with her and know, it’s not you, it’s her, truly.
Post # 16
@Angkinah: Agree with this. Just go and buy what you need. I don’t think it’s bad that you’d rather be friends with her but if she doesn’t want to be your friend, there is nothing that you can do about that. If I were you, I’d just remain pleasant but no visiting and staying at your house if her Darling Husband is not with you. Doesn’t matter if they’ve been friends since forever. Just be cordial and leave it at that. It hurts especially since you thought you guys were cool. It doesn’t matter if she badmouths you to your Darling Husband, guys are not really into gossip like that. And he wouldn’t believe her anyways. If you don’t spend alone time with her, where’s she going to get ‘dirt’ on you?