Post # 1
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
My FI and I discuss every detail of our wedding for next spring. We know the locations, the member of bridal and grooms parties, decorations, music, picked our Save the Dates. We know where we want to end up living, how many children we want. How we wish to invest and when to retire. The only thing is we aren’t what most would call technically engaged. Follow me here.
We went and looked at rings together and picked out a setting. The jeweler couldn’t get the stone we wanted so we found it in a cheap silver setting on clearance and bought it to have reset. We have done everything but get the actual, true engagement ring and he still wants to get down bended knee and do a traditional proposal. I am incredibly happy, but I keep getting small snide comments from other recently married / engaged friends.
They say I will regret knowing EXACTLY what ring I am getting. That it won’t be romantic. That it’s silly for the two of us to be planning with out a ring. Is it? Does our untraditional march toward the aisle make me less of a bride to be? Does open honest discussion well before a ring is on my finger make our love story less romantic? I’m just feeling disheartened by all the negativity.
Post # 2
I don’t think it’s silly or any less romantic than any other engaged situation. Plenty of people design their own rings and plenty of people start planning prior to getting ‘officially’ engaged. To me, you’re engaged once you both agree to marry and make a plan, ring or not.
Post # 3
An unconventional engagement and planning the wedding does not make it less special. I would not let them get to you. Do what you two want, it isn’t about them, it is about the two of you! A lot of people I know have gone ring shopping and picked out the ring they wanted before getting engaged. There really is no right way to do it.
Post # 4
Olgarie: Those people are nuts. Some people don’t get a ring or proposal at all and they get married. Happens all the time.
Also MANY women pick out their own rings. It’s a lot of money, why not get something you’ll love? You’ll be wearing it forever!
And if you both (keyword: both) are actively planning a wedding you are technically engaged. But I totally get wanting to wait for the proposal and ring to announce it officially. Nothing wrong with that!
Post # 5
WTF. I picked my ring out after my FI asked me to. I picked out the exact ring, we were booking vedors far before I even had it. He did want to get down on one knee, it was still special, etc. My brother got down on one knee without a ring and they later (like 3 months later) went to pick out what she wanted. It does. not. matter.
FI and I planned for MONTHS without a ring. We came to the decision to get married through a lot of adult, rational discussions. We booked vendors, I bought a dress and did things for 7 months with NO RING. I am no less excited or giddy than any bride who was blindsided by a surprise proposal. Actually, I have been wild with happiness the whole time.
Our parents and close family knew we were planning a wedding, but we didn’t go screaming it from the mountaintops until we got the ring.
I am getting married in a little over a month and I am SO excited! Don’t let the haters pee in your cornflakes.
Post # 6
absolutely not. i didn’t think anyone was really surprised by proposals anymore. i figured everyone discussed marriage ahead of time. most couples even live together before.
DH and I talked about marriage for almost a year beforehand. but he still wanted to do the official proposal. i knew the exact date of my proposal but no the how. and i still think i had the best propsal ever. it was not less special because and i knew.
and while i didn’t pick out my ring, i gave DH ideas of what i liked and he had it designed. i knew my stone because it was my grandmothers and my mom had me pick between 2. when there was an issue with the design, DH wanted me to talk to the jeweler to clarify exactly what i wanted. i did not. i told DH, he had the pictures and the ring was his job.
i actually got my ring about 3 weeks after the proposal. there was a delay and DH didn’t want to wait anymore and asked if i was ok being proposed to without a ring. i was absolutely fine with that.
Post # 7
I was surprised by my ringless proposal. We consider ourselves engaged. I already have my dress and book a few vendors. The ring is coming tomorrow! We are in a temporary LDR so we are doing the first look at the ring together on Skype tomorrow night. After that we will announce our engagement to everyone. (Only my mom and a close friend of his know) I don’t think our situation is any less special. I don’t need a big ordeal of a proposal. To us, the proposal is an intimate occasion. The wedding is the big showy one that you invite everyone to. I love that we picked out my ring. I love that we are already engaged. And I know that my situation is very unique and that makes it more special.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
My entire march to the alter is untraditional. My ring, my proposal, my oh crap I need health insurance we got married early, my big wedding that people are ok with despite that. ITs all special and defines us as a couple. Don’t let society tell you how to make your relationship special finding meaning in things and actions that have meaning to you not what society tells you is right.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
Thank you all! I will do my best to ignore the snide remarks, which I am sure are handed out to every bride as if she should be grateful. It does get annoying when I know that I have found the perfect match for my heart.
I’m getting married to a badass, nerdy man who plants me flowers. I’m gonna just be happy!
Post # 10
My fiance and I picked out my ring (ended up being custom made) over a year ago, and every day when I put it on, I think about how much I love it, how beautiful and special it is, and how much I love everything it represents.
Actually, I think it’s so special on its own, I’ve opted not to add a second wedding band when we get married next month.
So, no, it doesn’t make your love story any less romantic – picking things out together is very romantic! And plenty of people do it that way now.
Congratulations on your upcoming engagement – so exciting! 🙂
Post # 11
Girl, if he is willing to sit and discuss all the details, and be a part of all the planning, that’s extremely special and rare!
My FI proposed with a place holder ring, and then I went to pick out exactly the ring I wanted. He felt that it’s a lot of money to spend and wanted to make sure I was happy with the ring, etc.
Your wedding and engagement is special because it involves the two of you and it will represent your relationship. That’s what is important. Don’t worry about or listen to any of the naysayers out there.
Post # 12
Olgarie: I picked out my ring 3 hours before he proposed. We were in NYC and we found a fantastic deal on a ring I loved. We’d been looking together but the plan had been for him to decide from the ones we’d seen and surprise me. Well that went out the window.
He’d told me I had to wait for the proposal. He had a plan (we’d already booked our wedding – so he was going to take me skiing 1 year out from our date and propose at the top of the ski hill at our venue/resort.) But all that changed too. I thought I had the ring in my purse, but I’d high tailed it to the washroom when I finally cleared security at the airport and left everything with him. (I was pulled in for secondary.) So he used that time to take the ring out of my purse. I’d been bugging to see the ring one more time. And he finally said yes, so I tore into the packaging only to find the ring box was missing from the outer box. Now I’m panicking, they forgot to put the ring in, they’re never going to believe us that we didn’t get it, we’re already past security, we can’t get back into the city to get the ring without missing our flight…. When I looked up he had the ring box and the ring (thank goodness!) and he was down on one knee. It was literally hours after we’d bought it. We bought the ring around 430 – 530, he proposed around 8 or 9. He said he couldn’t wait any longer. I was still very surprised.
Don’t sweat it.
Post # 13
I think being unconventional makes it MORE special! You guys aren’t just doing something because “it’s what people do”, you’re doing it because you want to! My guy and I sound a lot like you guys, together almost 6 years, do everything together, etc. Sometimes I get the whole “why aren’t you married yet? or, when will you get married???” I’m like, um, because I wanted to wait to get married, and we have a plan on when we will get married because we discussed it TOGETHER. More power to you, you might not be technically engaged in the eyes of others, but you’re already functioning better as a team than lots of married couples ever do. Enjoy!!
Post # 14
Olgarie: Yes!! Way less special! What were you guys thinking?!! Just kidding. As someone who got a very unromantic proposal and also picked out her own ring with little help from the DH, I can say our relationship and story is still very special to ME. Who cares about everyone else?? I think we too often compare ourselves to others and these days people tend to say exactly what they think instead of having a little decorum. Have fun!! (and PS- if you search the forums there are plenty of women who were not happy with the ring their FI picked out all on their own. Now there’s a sticky situation)
Post # 15
Olgarie: unconventional is beautiful if it works for you. But then I’m biased. We’ve set a date, booked loads of stuff (inc venue, catering, band etc), written the guest list, I’ve made the STDs, and tonnes of decor.
And we’re not officially engaged. In fact as far as anyone outside of WB go it’s a massive secret. My ring will be here in.the next 4 weeks, and then he’ll propose…. I don’t know anything about the ring or the proposal – just that it’s coming
We’re working on the fact that this works for us. So if unconventional works for you – who cares what anyone else says!