@bluefrog33: This is really really hard. First, I think you need to ask yourself the following: IS THIS MAN worth the wait?! Can you live without him in your life?
In establishing those responses, I believe you will learn what is most important to you. Him or a marriage. There is no right or wrong answer either. I believe that if marriage is something people want, then they need to find a partner whom wants it too. However, sometimes we end up meeting people whom are unsure if marriage is what they want, and thus, have a longer road to travel with that person while they figure it out. What is realized, though, is that the person you met is worth the hardship of waiting – 100%!
The good news is that his responses are not one of never proposing to you, but rather of needing more time. His conflicting responses are not fair. As the other half in this relationship, you have a right to a timeline, if there is one. But then, from there, accepting that timeline and keeping quiet are important. Men do NOT do well with pressure, and quite frankly, I would never want a proposal because he was in a pressure cooker.
My SO, now FI, had given me a year-long timeline. It was a lot longer than I thought it would be, but at that moment, I had decided to STOP waiting. Because I knew that each holiday that would pass, or romantic dinner would leave me devastated if I was constantly expecting the proposal. So, I let it all go. And, as a result, our relationship got 100% better. NOT that it was bad, but I quickly realized how all of MY talking to him about marriage was making him frustrated, and me sad. All of a sudden, especially when marriage was pushed out of my mind, I was enjoying ‘us’ all over again. Dinners out were a lot more relaxed, etc, because HE WAS NEVER GOING TO PROPOSE ANYWAYS (or, so I told myself!).
At no point did I think of walking away from him. I loved him far too much for that, but I also knew that marriage was equally important to him too, and that marrying me was part of his plan…when he was ready to take that step! Had marriage been off the table completely, I would have had make some pretty tough decisions, or thought long and hard about this relationship.
I never reached the end of his timeline. I am not sure what would have happened had a year passed, and he had not proposed. I would have definitely re-invited the conversation, but was fortunate to not have had too. He proposed to me at month 7, and because I had pushed it out of my mind completely, was absolutely surprised when he did get down on one knee. It was awesome.
When I asked him ‘why now?’ or ‘what made him finally ready ready…’ he stated that our relationship had gotten so much better over the course of 6 months, which was true. And he was more in love with me than ever before, which was true. And, there was absolutely no question of our future, which was true. AND, better yet, he did it on his own time – even picking the ring on his own, etc. I could not have been happier with the end result, and sit here beaming today because I know with 100% certainty that it was him, and not due to an ultimatum, or a pre-planned wedding, or because he was pressured.
My story is lengthy, Im sorry, but I wanted to share it with you in case it helps. Good luck 🙂