(Closed) Does waiting make a proposal less special?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Does waiting make a proposal less special?
    Yes, waiting makes a proposal seem less special. : (96 votes)
    47 %
    No, any proposal is equally special and it doesn't matter if you have to wait around for it. : (110 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1059 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Marry Jane:  I’m in the kind of waiting you describe. I think that earlier I was building almost-toxic levels of resentment, and feeling super crappy that someone didn’t want me like how I wanted them, and that must make me feel less special or something. But I’ve been too busy lately to obsess much, and so can think in a clear-headed manner, and realize that my SO is just not the kind of guy who would do such a thing on his own – he would probably wait until he was 100 years old and then think hmmm maybe I should get married now. He just doesn’t see the hurry and usually does things at the very last second. I mean, this is a guy who will book Christmas flights on Dec 23 for Dec 24 and then be surprised that they are expensive (how, I don’t know – Christmas is on the same date every year, gah!). But he’s also a super wonderful awesome kind of guy; much better than anything I could ever imagine, so I guess this is a tradeoff – that I had to tell him what I wanted.

    We’ve talked about it and I kind of feel better and much less resentful now, but to be honest I don’t know if I will ever forget it, though the other waiting bees have said all the anxiety etc. just goes away once it happens. Just one day at a time, I guess, and hopefully it happens soon!

    Also, LOL at your last paragraph!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2420 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I don’t necessarily feel resentful but I do get frustrated. I know that he wants to surprise me and that is important to me but in my brain I’m yelling at him for making me wait this long. Especially around the holidays when I’ve been asked 185379184 times if I’m expecting a ring at Christmas. It would be nice to switch bodies so he knows what I deal with 99% of the time.

    Post # 5
    Bee
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

    As someone who waited years for a proposal (and was at times resentful and not a pleasant person to be around) let me tell you… The minute your man shows up with that ring and says whatever sweet things he is going to say to you, your heart will melt and you will fall in love with him all over again. I PROMISE!

    Post # 6
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think it’s special no matter how long you wait!

    Post # 7
    Member
    5007 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I was one of the lucky ones who didn’t have to push my FI at all to propose, but we were together 3.5 years and it seems a lot of women on these boards would have been “waiting” by then. I guess I was happy how things were and confident that we would get married at some point so I was in no rush. Getting engaged was so amazing and I do feel that it wouldn’t have been the same if I had been nagging him about it, but in the end we’re all getting married and that’s the important part. I would just be really careful about pressuring him because I have heard several men say they felt they proposed when they weren’t really ready and it ended up causing problems. I don’t think “waiting” should really happen unless the woman is worried about not having time to have kids (ie over 30), but that’s just my opinion. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    1059 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Mrs. Coyote:  See, it’s people like you that give me hope. Thank you!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think in some cases not waiting might not be the best thing. If you’re in love with a man and know you want to spend your life with him, chances are you’ve thought about it and are just waiting for that proposal. Although some waiting bees don’t get as carried away as I did. But if my FI would have asked me before I started waiting, before I gave any thought into it I might not have said yes because I likely wasn’t ready at the time.

     

    Heck, I helped FI pick the ring out, I knew when it came in the mail, I knew a lot about it even which ring he ordered. But it didn’t make his proposal any less special. I let him choose when he wanted to propose, and luckily he proposed the day after the ring came in the mail.

     

    Some women start waiting before they even meet anyone.

    Post # 11
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee

    It would be so much more romantic if my SO decided of his own accord that he wants to marry me, bought a ring and proposed unexpectedly. I hate pushing for a proposal – I feel like if he loved me then he’d want to get engaged and I wouldn’t have to push. 

    In a way, I almost feel like I’d be resentful and angry if he did propose, because I shouldn’t have had to push for it.  The spiteful part of me thinks he doesn’t deserve to marry me because he didn’t consider my feelings, didn’t love me enough, and made me unhappy by forcing me to wait. 

    I think my resentment about the fact that I’ve had to push for a proposal is souring our relationship and may have long term negative effects. If he doesn’t propose within the next year or so, I think my resentment will actually end our relationship. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    @RunnerBride13:  I agree!  I am also one of those that didn’t have to “wait,” per se.  He was the one to initiate everything and proposed (somewhat of a surprise to me, but I never had to prompt him or ask for details on anything).  I can’t say I relate to the ladies here that are waiting or who ask their SOs about rings, or hint at anything, but I think that when the proposal comes, it will still be special to you.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    410 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Gorjuss:  It would be so much more romantic if my SO decided of his own accord that he wants to marry me, bought a ring and proposed unexpectedly. I hate pushing for a proposal – I feel like if he loved me then he’d want to get engaged and I wouldn’t have to push.

    +1!!!!!!!

    I hate that it’s taken this long for the proposal to come. Six years is MORE than long enough to wait for it, especially at this age (34). It will still be special once he does it, but that sense of surprise is totally non-existant. If I’ve had to badger you about when you’re going to propose for months and months and months, it certainly loses some romance and excitement for me, IMHO. I’d much rather he’d come up with the idea on his own. But, waaaaaaaay too late for that now!!!!…

    Post # 14
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I agree with previous posters that when your man finally does propose, it IS special and wonderful.  BUT, I also think that the fact that it got to the point where you had to give a little nudge (or maybe a big nudge.. or several little nudges…) is less awesome than being completely surprised.  That doesn’t mean I am not so so so happy that it happened, but the combination of having had to whine about it (yeah, little ashamed of that) and knew it was coming is just a totally different experience than I assume the surprise would have been.

    :1

    Post # 15
    Member
    868 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I feel like i have always considered whether or not I would marry the person I was with at the time…and if the answer was no, I would end the relationship. That’s the kind of person I am. I think ahead and plan a lot, and I dream about the future, and I’m also a worrier. I think that’s why I ended up wanting to know where things are going with my SO. So yeah, in an ideal world, I would have been surprised with a perfect ring a few months ago, but if I thought about all the ways in which this world falls short of the ideal, I’d cry all the time. The bottom line is my SO really appreciates my patience and now I get to help pick out the ring, and I am choosing to focus on that. I never would have believed we’d get to this place a back in July or August and I’m thankful for how far we’ve come.

    It also helps that I know how common this situation is 🙂

    Post # 16
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think it’s possible to be a little less surprised but that doesn’t mean it’s less special. Sometimes it’s better that way because then you may have been able to help pick out the perfect ring, plus, usually when you have been waiting you have been together long enough to know that the relationship is right (not that it isn’t right if you haven’t, but I feel like the longer you date the more secure the relationship is). 

    If DH had proposed a year into our relationship, yes, I would have been VERY surprised, and happy, but I also would have been nervous because we still had a lot to learn about each other. I like that I waited a little bit (maybe not as long as I did) and I still feel like I had a special proposal. 

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