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Little recap: I left my ex to be with my partner, now fiancee. It was a minor scandal, leaving him for a woman and all, and things were weird for a good year (remained living in the house we owned together while he went traveling, still paying insurance on our mortgage, etc.)
It's been over three years now. Definitely not a "phase" I'm going through. Almost 15 months ago my gf and I moved to a new city- best thing we could have done for us! Still have friends and connections in that town however, and with facebook it seems everyone knows everyone's business.
Thing is, I don't know if he knows yet, even with us changing our status on FB, and telling all our friends in that town. I just didn't feel right about telling him myself, i hoped he would find out from someone else. We still talk, we have to because of the house, but he's never mentioned it.
Does your ex know you're getting married? Do you care? Should I say something??
Mine did, because his brother was a GM in our wedding, and we share a lot of the same friends. I don't really see a reason why you have to tell him, its not like it matters to him what your status is. I say, just let him find out on his own,unless you consider him a friend and not just an ex. Then, I would tell him
its none of his business....unless you guys have kids together....otherwise dont go out of your way to tell him. Congrats on your upcoing wedding!
I think one of my exes knows, but not because I directly told him. I don't think exes need to know about the next steps in your life. If they happen to find out, so be it, but it is not your obligation to tell them.
My ex knows, cause we have a mutual friend who is good friends with the both of us. And we're still fb friends, so unless he's blocked my feed, he'd probably see it there.
@MrsStrawberry24: I agree - you're happy and moving on with your life, and it's none of his business...I don't think you should have to be the one to tell him.
As for me, my ex knew. We have mutual friends and were both in their wedding party. It was a bit of an awkward wedding...my ex came up to my now husband and told him to take care of me. Almost like the father/son-in-law talk. Plus, with FB...things like that spread like wildfire.
Would you expect him to let you know if he was getting married? You would probably find out from friends one way or another - I wouldn't sweat on it, he will find out and you don't need to feel obligated to tell him, as he really isn't in your life anymore.
My ex knew we were getting married, not sure if he knows we did because he had no clue when but I suppose someone could have told him by now.. I don't really care, but I kinda hope he knows, he will probably be a little pissed lol...
I don't know if my ex know, but I don't think he cares either, that's why he is my ex. If it does bother him a little, good, if not oh well.
my ex knows... we have a son together and his daughters from his relationship before ours are to be my bridesmaids, i just came out with it and told him.... to be honest his opinion on the matter means nothing to me i just thought he should know because of his childrens involvement. in your situation i think it simply depends on whether you want to tell him or not :)
we're facebook friends and still have mutual friends, so yes he saw and knew. i wouldn't say anything to your ex though.
I called and told him, because ... well just because. And he was happy for me. Of course he has been remarried for almost 5 years. Wished us well, and sent a gift card to Olive Garden. On the other hand we said nothing to MM ex, but since we were taking his kids along Im sure she knows. And her comments about money have become more snide.
One of my exes knows because he's coming to the wedding (with his new fiance)! After a lengthy cooling off period after the relationship ended we decided there was no reason to go about pretending that each other and our time together had never existed. I know this isn't incredibly common around here, so I'll just say do whatever you feel comfortable with, not what other people think. Tell him, don't tell him - completely 100% up to you!
My most recent ex does know. We also were dating when I met my now fiance. We were exclusive, then broke up due to his work/travel schedule and dating casually. He was bummed, but also supportive. As a parting gift (haha) I fixed him up with a close girlfriend and they have been happily dating for a couple months now. It's nice to pass on the love and make all people happy!
My ex before him also knows. HE IS ACTUALLY MARRYING US!!! We dated for about a year and he knew I wanted to get married, which he wasn't ready to do again (he had done it a couple times). He was so kind. He said it would be selfish to keep dating me and lead me down to a potential dead end, so he broke up with me to let me go on and find "THE ONE". We remained best friends and he is thrilled for me and has become good friends with my fiance. He offered to do our wedding and we thought that was great :-)
We both told our exes. Mine by email, cause I we email about twice a year to update on big news. I thought it would be better he heard from me before it happened than from someone else. His, because they're still friends and we all hang out from time to time. I insisted they go for coffee alone together and that she learns from him while I'm not there, so she could react however she needed to without the pressure of having me there.
My older exes (like.. from high school) know. They're invited. They're in my circle of friends from home, and friends with FI & I now. (Separation in college was a wonderful thing)
I had some weird desire to call up my ex before the wedding and let him know. Then I realized that what I really want to do is taunt him with the information. That made me realize I had all sorts of unresolved anger issues towards him - which needed to be dealt with on my own.
So, in a nutshell - I see absolutely no reason why you should tell your ex.
There is only 2 reasons you should tell him if he doesnt know
1) you have a kid together
2) For some reason it woulf affect him financially (which I doubt)
Any other reason, there is no other reason to tell him. He is an ex, and you have minimal contact with him. If it werent the house, there would be none.
I think all of my ex's know because in the last six months they've all emailed me to apologize for how they hurt me (two of them cheated on me) to clear the air and asked how I was and I mentioned it of course haha. One of them is on my FB so he knows I'm guessing and then the most recent one and I email each other regularly because it wasn't a really "serious" relationship so he knows.
NOPE none of my Ex's know (atleast that I know of) And I dont care if they know or not they are my Ex for a reasson and I dont want to even see them again. (Fi is the only "good guy" I have ever been with)
I have no idea if he knows, and I don't care. I do hang out with his sister regularly though but she might have brains enough to not tell him.
I think my ex's know just because I was good friends with both of their moms. But honestly I could care less (other than rubbing it in their faces that HA I'm married and happy and you're a jerk.../rant).
My exhusband knows..since his new wife is doing my hair lol
My youngest daughters father doesn't know I'm getting married and I couldn't careless that he doesn't. He hasn't seen or talked to my daughter in more than 2 years.
Good subject!!
On the flip, when my ex was getting married (to my friend he had left me for), he never told me. We had a son together who was only 10 months old when his dad decided the "grass was greener" somewhere else. I found out from my ex-friend's sister when the date was.. I waited and waited... and he never asked to have our son for the day... I was way more hurt that he wasn't including our baby in his "special day" than I was about him marrying my ex-friend. I mean, the kiddo would have been almost 3-perfect ring-bearer age! Nope, they enjoyed it, partied hard, and now he doesn't have a single picture of that "memorable" day to show our child with him included. Sad, isn't it?
Okay, when I got engaged to FI, my son was 6. He went to his dad's house that weekend and told him before I got the chance to mention it. It's not that I care what my ex thinks, because I took my time in selecting someone to be so involved... and FI is way more of a father figure than ex.
My ex was upset, and didn't want our son to call FI "daddy".. which we have all respected since day one of being a family.. he calls FI step-David (Cute, right??). Now that we've moved almost 800 miles away, I actually brought up the wedding during a lawyer's mediation meeting while we were discussing visitation arrangements. Ex was just extatic that I dropped him having to pay child support completely (it wasn't worth the headache... he stopped fighting the move when I said he didn't have to pay anything anymore). He is supposed to have visitation for 7 weeks next summer.. and the only stipulation that I laid out is that he has to have our son back to us by one week before the wedding.
Whew, long winded me :) As for other exes, nah-didn't tell them :) Feel no need.
@Jd64848704: That is super sad, that your ex made that choice. :( He'll probably really regret it some day.
@atalante: It was nice to have some closure, so that was good.
@Jd64848704: That's awful. It sounds like you've moved on to a much better guy!
I'm not positive that my ex knows, but I assume he does because his sister, brother-in-law, and one of his friends, are still friends of mine on facebook. Plus I ran into another one of his friends sometime in July and he met my fiancé, so I'm sure if he didn't know before, he does now.
@atalante: Thank you. It was really sad and hard to deal with when it happened, but I took a lot of "me and baby" time. I didn't really seriously date anyone until FI... and we started dating 4 years after that awful breakup. Pretty sure the ex already regrets it. I'm successful and happy... and he has nothing. Just a wife who refuses to work, ruined credit, a house lost to foreclosure, two step kids who are ungrateful, and a $10/hr. job to support them all..
@glittermoon: Thanks, I sure have! FI is amazing. Of course, we have our moments like any couple, but we handle things well together. I love him with all my being :) AND I'm sure the feeling is mutual. More importantly, he loves my son as if he were his own. I'm very fortunate to have someone so fantastic in my life... and the day that I'm walking down the "aisle" to meet him at the brink of the Niagara Falls will be tied for first in the happiest day of my life :)
Yeah he knows I am getting married, but he is already married himself so no biggy.
I guess he only needs to know if you are good friends and you are planning to invite him to the wedding? I am not married yet but I don't plan to tell/invite and of my ex bfs to my wedding lol... Like you mentioned, I am sure they will find out through FB or even through friends but they don't play a role in my life anymore so I don't see the need t notify them. However, since you still communicate and have to sort through your house stuff together I guess it wouldn't matter if he knew? Wouldn't you getting married sort of change details regarding the house ownership/contract anyway?
Good Luck :)
My ex knew because it was the only way to stop him from calling me and trying to get back into contact with me.
wow!! so many good responses! I love how active this site is!!!!
NO i am NOT inviting him to the wedding, LOL! awkward.
I guess I'm just concerned that now he won't only be pissed at me for marrying her, but he'll be annoyed that he didn't find out sooner! but really, I didn't want to deal with his reaction, I've dealt with enough verbal and emotional abuse from the guy.
Thanks everyone, I feel better about my decision to nto tell him myself and let it happen naturally.
oh and, btw, I am so happy for all the brides-to-be that have GOOD relationships with their ex's and/or are friends with their new SO's and stuff. That's great! Not always the case.
My ex knew. In fact, he was invited to and attended the wedding, and gave the blessing over bread. However, you're not obligated to. It just depends on the kind of relationship you have with him.
I also suspect that it was easier in my case, because my now wife was not the reason for the divorce. She came along several years after the divorce.
I'm sure he knows by now, but I certainly didn't tell him! They're exes for a reason.
Not important....... Don't need to share with the ex. Look forward to the life you'll share with your partner
One ex (that I was previously engaged to) and I still talk to occasionally and I have him on FB and MSN. He congratulated me and told me he was happy for me, which was nice.
My other two exes I have no idea, as I don't talk to either of them. One I still have mutual friends with so it's probable that he's heard through them. The other probably doesn't know as we severed all ties when we broke up.
@Jd64848704: thats really sad that your ex did not include your son... my mum and dad split when i was about 6 months old, he then met a new woman not long after that. i can remember he used to call her miss soandso the one weekend when i was 8 years old he called her mrs thisandthat... me and my two older brothers just looked at him and said ... errm are you married dad. we didn;t really say much else about the matter but it hurt so much that my dad would marry a woman we knew really well, treated like our step mum anyway but not invite us... well we didn't even know till he called her by our surname... sad isn't it. this is the man stamping his feet because i don't want him to walk me down the aisle .... ha ha after this he's lucky he's invited :)
Yup -- and his mom's hosting my shower. True fax.
This is my high school boyfriend, to be fair -- but we were together for four years before a fairly nasty (and yet no-fault) breakup which it took a while to get over. Our families have stayed close, my folks have him over for dinner, etc. He's even invited, but I know through those channels that he won't be coming -- a combination of not having time/money, and probably feeling a bit awkward.
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