Post # 1
I try to be very careful to never compare Mrs. Bee to my mom. Because if I did, my mom would totally win! Just kidding… see that’s exactly the sort of thing I would NEVER EVER say even in jest in the Bee household… because what woman wants to be compared to a man’s mother?
I usually don’t mention my mom day to day, because I don’t want her to become an "invisible presence" haunting our marriage. I still bring her up now and then, when appropriate; plus my mom emails both of us with regular updates, and Bee and I often talk about how things are going with my family.
But I think it might get tricky if I ever compared my wife to my mom when it came to the following topics:
Haha now that I think about it, I’m sure Bee wouldn’t care if I talked about my mom more. I just try to keep the mom chat to a minimum, since it’d be easy to slip up and make an accidental comparison. I am probably being overly sensitive. In any case, my mom and Bee get along great and we’re a happy Bee family.
How about you – does your FI ever compare you to his mother? Has that ever been an issue?
Post # 3
Mr Bee, I think it’s wonderful that you keep your mom talk to a minimum.
My fiance loves his mom and is a total momma’s boy. I won’t say that I don’t have my concerns about his mom’s presence in our relationship–especially since after we’re married we’ll be living in the same town as her (and 2200 miles from my parents!)
When we started dating, he said one of the reasons he fell in love with me was because I reminded him of his mom: smart, indepedent, and a strong Christian woman. I was flattered, especially after meeting her. But now that i’m going to be the DIL, I’m a little bit (ok, a lot) intimidated! I would hate being compared to his mom when it comes to cleaning, cooking and running the household (bills, shopping etc). I have no idea what it’ll be like once we’re married, although he swears he’s committed to the "leave and cleave" thing! 🙂
I certainly hope it doesn’t become an issue once we’re married.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Mr. Peng over the years has complained about the shitty way I fold laundry, or how I don’t clean up after myself in the kitchen DURING cooking like his mom does, but it’s hard for me to deny that her ways are usually better than mine, so I can’t be that mad. a i try to learn. I dunno. I guess I see his mom as a role model of mine, so I don’t mind the comparisons.
Ocassionally he will try to get me to cook things that his mom makes for him, like "My mom makes these really good XXX, you should try to make them" But I don’t take that as a comparison really… just trying to mix thing into our cooking routine. Inevitably, I always make it worse, cause she’s had years of making those dishes, and I’m just starting out!
Mr. Peng’s mom is a really good mom, and I think especially because I am a wife now, and not a mother, there is not too much to compare. Another thing to mention is that Mr. Peng’s parents are divorced, and his mom is not remarried, so there is not much to compare… like I assume men will say things to their wives like, "my mom does XXX for my dad" or takes cues from gender roles in their parents relationships, but since Mr. Peng’s mom is a mom to him and not a wife to his dad, the comparison thing doesn’t really come up often.
I came off as a kiss assy submissive in this post, but oh well. It’s true.
Post # 5
Ha, we talked aobut this Saturday night! Boyfriend’s mom and I are very alike. Both liberal thinking, full time working, opionionated, margarita-drinking, book reading women. I’m lucky to get to have someone who I see eye to eye with on so many controversial things as a future mother-in-law. His step-mother, on the other hand, while a very nice woman, is very different from me.
Post # 6
He never compares me to his mom – probably because we are nothing alike (but not in a bad way…just different!). But if he did compare us regularly, I would probably be annoyed and creeped out. 😛
Post # 7
He had better not! Seriously, while I like his mom a lot, we are not much alike. I’m sure there are a few ways in which he wishes I was more like his mom, but there are also a lot of ways in which I’m sure he’s glad I’m nothing like her. When he very occasionally compares me to anyone (my mom, his mom, my sister, his friends’ wives) it tends to be an "I’m so glad you’re NOT like that…"
Post # 8
He’s never compared me to his mom, and as much as his mom loves me and approves of me, I don’t think she’s entirely ready to let go! But it’ll all work out…especially since his mom is miles ahead of my dad in the giving-up-the-child department!
Post # 9
He has never really compared us, but if you ask him who’s the best cook in the world, he’ll say his mom.
My thoughts on things are similar to mrs. Penguin’s. I see her ass a role model. If he did compare us, I wouldn’t mind. I hope that I am as good of a mom and wfie as she is.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2018 - Holy Family Catholic Church, reception: National Infantry Museum
Only when it comes to career choices, as we are both RNs
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2018 - Majestic Colonial Resort, Punta Cana
No he doesn’t (not out loud anyway) but others have said there are marked similaries between us. Which is fine by me because his mom is one of THE coolest women I have ever met.
Post # 12
He only compares my lasagna and meatloaf to his mom’s. He just says that my lasagna is "different" and my meatloaf is better!
But overall his mom is a great lady (maybe a little passive aggressive) so it wouldn’t be an insult if he did compare me to her.
Post # 13
I love my FMIL, but I think my FI knows better than to compare us. It would be a) kinda creepy, and b) would make me wonder if he was marrying to get another mom…not a wife. I could NEVER marry a man who deferred to his mom instead of his wife. Thankfully I have a great relationship with my FIL’s, and usually his mom and I are the ones who agree and he’s the one we’re trying to convince!
Post # 14
YES LOL!! It’s a big compliment for me , his mom is a super talented woman.
Post # 15
Yes, he says that I remind him of his mom. I take it as a compliment, because his mom is an amazing woman…no horrible FMIL for me! However, it is very intimidating!
Post # 16
He knows better then to compare me to his mom haha! (he isn’t very close to his parents so he loves that I’m different from her/them)