Post # 1
So being that we’re now 17 days out from our wedding, the pressure is really on both my FI and I to get everything done, situated and finalized. But the past few days, he has really seemed to shut down.
He doesn’t get depressed acting a lot of the time, but this week has been TERRIBLE!! He barely responds to me at all, which just shows me more that he’s shutting down. I know a lot of it has to do with his parents, because he’s really disappointed with how they’re being about the wedding. The jist is that his parents have significantly more money than my family does, but they are refusing to help us out because “they can’t afford to”. On top of this, he works for his family, and his father is a total DB. He belittles him every chance he gets, whether its how he does his work, or what he takes too long on, he’s like a dog on a bone with him. They own a welding shop, so they’re always busy since they’re the only one for about 200 miles where we are, so his dad is always pushing him to go faster and get more done. I understand that the more he gets done in a day, the more they make but my Fiance takes his job very serisouly. he knows when he’s doing things like cutting tractor trailers apart and shortening or lengthening them and putting them back together to go on the road that if everything isn’t done well and that trailer falls apart someone could easily die, and he couldn’t handle if that was his fault. I also know that his father is a total DB to him about me. I have always been a very independent person. I’ve worked since I was 14 and since then have never not hada job. I’ve always worked for what I wanted and not relied on anyone else, and for the past 5 years have had 2 jobs all the time. His father uses me working 2 jobs against, and says things like “you can’t provide enough so she has to work twice as hard to compensate for you”, which is not the case at all because with my 1 full-time and 1 part-time job he still works more than me.
I’ve tried talking to him and uplifting him and letting him know I’m there for him, but he just doesn’t respond. He doesn’t talk, all he does is get upset, and usually cry and say how he’s a failure, and he can’t do anything right at work and he doesn’t know why I love him or want to be with him. It’s really starting to make me worry because I don’t want him starting our marriage depressed. Any suggestions on what I could do? I’ve suggested he look into other places to work, because I hate the environment he’s in all the time, and I really really strongly dislike his father for everything he does to him. I’ve even suggested if he can’t talk to me he find someone else to talk to but that didn’t go over big.
It just makes me feel like I’m not enough support for him, and I really don’t want it to jeopardize our marriage.
Post # 3
I think you and your Fiance should seriously talk about the possibility of moving somewhere where he doesn’t have to work for his family. Welders are in high demand in many places and maybe eventually he could set up his own shop. It sounds like his family is the problem, not your wedding. He needs a pep talk for the short term- so you can help undo the lies and damage from his family, but in the long-term, you should discuss putting some distance between you both and his family, and removing yourselves from a toxic situation.
Post # 4
I agree with EmeraldR, you both need to get out of that toxic environment. Give him lots of pep talks, letting him know you don’t see him as a failure etc. It takes many times lifting him up, to overcome them tearing him down. You mentioned suggesting he look at other places to work. I’m not sure if you have already, but do some research on your own and show him actual job openings at other places. If one looks promising encourage him to apply. Maybe him seeing it in black and white will help lift his spirits and decide to make the change.
Post # 5
Thats exactly what I was thinking. I mean its to the point where my parents are selling their current home to us and moving into the home they just finished building. We’re planning on remodeling the home, and then selling it and I’m hoping by then I can convince him to move away, mostly because of family, but also because he has severe asthma, so somewhere like AZ or New Mexico would be great for us.
Post # 6
wish i could help… what a jerk!
Post # 7
It sounds to me like after the wedding your Fiance needs to seriously look for a new job. I know it’s hard in this economy, but things are picking up and hopefully he can find a better workplace. I hope things get better for you guys!
Post # 8
Thanks for the support ladies! I’ll do my best, and hope that it’s enough to get him in a better temperment and state of mind. I think I’m going to try getting him to go for walks with me or go work out with me so he can physically relieve some of the stress and anger that builds up from everything. Thank you again! Love the support!
Post # 9
move away! he does a great job at work, and all his dad / boss can do is belittle him? They don’t deserve your time. I’m sorry that you guys are going through this. Move somewhere away from there, and your husband will be able to get a job doing what he does best and be APPRECIATED! and truthfully, probably make more. It sounds like his parents hold things over him and probably don’t compensate him fairly, either. Shame on them! Good luck to you 🙂
Post # 10
Fiance deserves better than a miserable job working for his Dad! Seriously consider moving to get out of that toxic environment.