Post # 1
I don’t particularly love any style of dress over another, and I am fortunate enough to be happy with my appearance in a number of different styles–sheath, aline, princess, or halter. My only dilemna is this….the groom has his heart set on casual, simple yet sleek wedding, a la simple silk sheath (think $300 JCrew wedding gowns). And while I DO love that look and would be happy to wear it, this is the ONLY occasion of my life that I can wear a truly formal gown (think typical bridal gown with train). I’ve considered wearing one dress for the ceremony & changing into another for the reception, but a) my total budget for dress(es) & accessories is $750 and I will not budge; and b) does it make your ceremony dress less special somehow if you change out of it so quickly? Thoughts?
Post # 3
How does the rest of your wedding look and feel? Is the venue and tone casual and sleek as well? A traditional ballgown may feel too formal if the setting is much more casual. Or maybe find a mermaid/trumpet shaped gown which can be sleek and modern but with a train.
As for groom’s input, I had the opposite problem. I had found a fantastic gown but was having second thoughts. In the end, I knew I had to show it to my fiance because I knew if he liked it, my (largely unfounded) fears would go away. We would be taking photos before the ceremony together anyway.
But I really think how much the groom contributes to your dress decision is up to you. I would probably take his ideas into account, but go with something I felt comfortable and happy with.
Post # 4
When I first became engaged my fh bought my first wedding magazine. We looked through it together since we were both so excited at the thought that we’d soon be married. He fell in love with a dress in the magazine. I really liked the dress, but didn’t want to commit to it without looking at any other but since then everytime we talked about dresses at all he would mention that one. I had originally thought I wanted a strapless ballgown and did go to several places to try on dresses, like you I looked fine in a lot of different styles and didn’t particularly fall in love with ONE gown. so when it came time to make my decision I decided to buy the one that he had originally liked, even though I had never tried it on. He doesn’t know that I DID pick the dress he liked, so hope to surprise him that day!
I think you should do what makes you feel right. I decided that if I was dressing for anybody that day, it was for him and all dresses that I tried made me feel like a princess so I was happy to make him happy as well!
Post # 5
My groom wants to know nothing about the dress. He doesn’t care if it’s formal or casual, if it’s got a train or not — every time I bring it up he does the metaphorical equivalent of putting his fingers in his ears and going, "La la la la la!" I’d focus on the feel of the setting and what makes *you* feel beautiful. If you’re feeling gorgeous, he’ll know it and respond!
Post # 6
I think the dress is for the bride more than it is for the groom. I know how everyone talks about wanting to WOW the groom as they walk down the aisle, but to be honest I think that the bride has to love the dress. From personal experience, my FI would sit down with me to look over styles of dresses and tell me what he thought was nice, however in the end, I went with what made me feel pretty. Sometimes you really have to try on the dress styles to see what suits your body type. A good handful of the styles we had both looked at were awful on me, so definitely don’t choose your dress from a magazine picture. You must try on the dress to make sure it’s you in the mirror and not some model. Every dress wears differently on every person so I strongly suggest picking the one that makes you feel like a bride. Afterall, when you look back on your big day, you don’t want to think your dress was awful and blame your FI for having you wear it!
As far as pricing is concerned, if you don’t go for the label brands, I think $750 is not a bad pricepoint and you may want to keep your eyes out for sample sales and even ebay for the dress of your dreams. I promise you it’s out there! Best of luck and Congrats!
Post # 7
My FI says he doesn’t care. but then when he sees some pictures, he’ll say, I HOPE your dress doesn’t look like that, I hope you aren’t wearing long sleeves, I hope your hair is up, youhave to wear a veil, blah blah blah. And, what it comes down to is that his is the only opinion I care about. I have to love it, but he has to think I look good too. So, I have shown him lots of pics and got a basic idea of what he likes. And at one point I included my dress in those pictures, and he really liked it, and had no idea it was the one! I would never let him see it before the wedding, but his general opinion is extremely important to me.
Post # 8
My FH was adamant on not seeing the dress even though it hung in our bedroom for over a month! He loves surprises and doesn not want to spoil the big surprise. He enjoys surprises so much that he got annoyed with me when I jokingly tried to show him the dress several times. Me…I can care less about surprises because I’m the type that needs to know everything…
Post # 9
Every dress I find I show to my fiance. He tells me what he thinks and I narrow down my choices. He won’t know what I’m wearing until I’m walking down the aisle, but I still like getting his input.
I know that changing into a different dress is popular these days, but I do think it makes the ceremony dress less special. You’re only wearing this dress for a maximum of 10 hours that day, why shorten it to only 3 hours? I think you could come to a good compromise with him. I also think that if you decide to wear a typical bridal gown, he won’t even remember the sleak one! His jaw will drop no matter what!
Post # 10
I ran dress choices by FH when I was just looking at them. I know this is supposed to be “bad luck” or whatever, but he was also there when I bought the dress because I got it at a bridal expo that we went to together. My justification is that he hasn’t seen me IN the REAL dress (different color sash, etc). I respect his opinion, and I needed him to help me decide whether I would buy the dress that day since none of my girlfriends came with me.
Maybe he prefers the sleek ones because he’s never seen you in a formal gown? If you really want a poufier gown, compromise. Maybe stick with an a-line or trumpet/mermaid gown with a smaller train rather than a big tulle ballgown.
Post # 11
My FI definitely has a say in what I wear…his opinion is most important but I do believe I still have to love the dress to wear it. He loves the look of Cavalli, those tight curve-hugging dress that show off some women’s best assets…unfortunately I’m not one of those women. I have to remind him that although those dresses are beautiful and I would love to wear them, it would require a lot of altering and even then I wouldn’t look like the lady in the picture. So I’ve gone for a empire dress…hopefully he’ll like it.
Personally I would hate to change out of my wedding dress but some people prefer it. I guess its all preference. Perhaps you could find a dress with the same feel as your wedding dress but more simple?
Post # 12
There are many designers where you can still get a dress for under $750 and feel like a bride. Just off the top of my head, Mori Lee, Watters and Maggie Sotero like my MOH’s wedding gown
This is an interesting question because it’s always seemed to me that the groom can have any say he wants except on the wedding gown. I’m afraid if you don’t feel like a bride or wear the dress of your first choice, you will feel resentful towards him for years to come.
About question B) If the first dress is significant to you then it does feel less special if u have to change out of it quickly. If not, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I had 4 dresses and not one really stood out to me more than the other. My weddign gown does feel special just because I had it made.
Post # 13
my FI went with me to one bridal shop & i showed him photos of me in dresses from other shops. I think if your FI has an opinion about it then by all means, pay attention. (I know, for instance, that FI really dislikes poufy pick-ups on a dress because they reminds him of either cupcakes/fat rolls/bed sheets so i am probably going to avoid getting a dress with really poufy pick-ups). so i completely agree that sharing opinions is good, but dont give up your chance to wear a big gown if you won’t be happy. Two dresses may be a compromise if you can stay in-budget. Say you buy a poufy one at david’s bridal for $400 & a $300 sleek one at Jcrew… then you could always dye/hem the sleek one & donate the barely used DB dress!
Post # 14
I am a bad hive member; I showed and wore my gown for Mr. JCM as soon as I brought it home. Mom convinced me it’s just "different" on the day-of when the music is playing, the veil, hair, and makeup is done.
Besides, I’m an awful one for keeping secrets. I get too excited and want to show and dish everything like this. 🙂
I agree with the others that it depends on the formality of your wedding. If you are having something more casual but deck yourself in the full ballgown, it looks a bit strange; however, most important is that you love it.
I am having 3 dresses total (traditional culture thing) and I am a bit sad to change out of my large gown but hey, I couldn’t decide on a bridal gown style and I only plan on marrying once, so I thought this was the best way to satisfy my gown cravings. 🙂
Post # 15
1. Love the 2nd dress you posted!
2. I think guys THINK they will always like something very simple. That’s regards to everything wedding-related. But – they won’t really know what it will look like on you. Just "simple" is in their nids.
3. Agreed – the formailty of your dress depends on the entire wedding mood.
4. Personally, I don’t want to change out of my ceremony "white" dress [even though our tradition generally has several changes] because if I love my dress so much and paid so much for it, I think it deserves to be worn in all its glory. On the other hand – I’m not having and evening/dance the night away event.
5. oh and I almost forgot – FI had no input on the dress and didn’t care to. He’s happy not to see it unitl the day of for the wow-factor. 🙂
Post # 16
Honestly, I don’t think guys have any idea. I know that my bf, even though he is pretty good with clothes ( for the guy he is actually great) his attention span when it comes to wedding dresses lasts until maybe 4th dress, then it’s all the same to him unless I point to something specific, eg. do you like this sash or do you like this lace, train etc.
I think guys are really relaxed about it unless 1) he is crazy groomzilla, which I am sure he is not or 2) you pick something really extravagant – aka really short dress, bright red or black, you have the idea.
Congratulations on your engagement and have fun planning !