Post # 1
I swear, his go-to burn is “I’m NOT marrying you”. We’ve been engaged for 2+ years, we’ve planned this wedding a dozen times only for it to be postponed.
Maybe it’s the stress of trying to sell our house before the wedding, or buy a new one, or our son starting preschool or maybe it’s finals dragging me down or the fact that we’re both super busy at work but we’re fighting like never before. I mean, gloves are off, below the belt screaming and swearing that is like we’ve never fought before. We were in couseling for a while and we BOTH know that this isn’t OK.
Yesterday an argument over who cleans up after who more spiraled into him demanding the ring back and me bawling my eyes out.
Today an argument over $60 (he can’t give $60 for stamps when I paid $200 for invites? Oh- and he can make a trip to Vegas happen but he can’t afford $60?GMAFB) again, him saying he won’t marry me. I said that was proabably for the better but he better start making some phone calls because I’m not doing his dirty work and he REFUSED, he’ll just not show up (did I mention MY parents, HIS parents, and ME are paying?!)
So, like always he just called to say he didn’t mean it… but when we fight again he’ll say he didn’t mean the apology.
Is this normal? Is it cold feet, or extreme stress? Or should we just cut our losses? I guess I’m just trying to determine what’s “normal”.
Post # 3
Not normal, not healthy and not okay.
Would he be open to returning to counselling?
Post # 4
@MrsP-to-be: Honestly this doesn’t really sound normal
Did you fight a lot before getting engaged? How long have you been together? How long have you been engaged?
Have you thought about pre-marital counseling?
You may want to sit down and talk everything out in a calm/supervised atmosphere and get to the bottom of all this.
((Hugs)) hope you can figure things out!
Post # 4
Not normal. Probably not cold feet either — more like immature, passive-aggressive fighting technique. He needs to learn how to “fight fair.”
Post # 5
Definately not normal or okay. Please seek counselling again.
Post # 6
He said it after our first big fight after the proposal and I told him if he ever said it again he’d be right and I wouldn’t marry him because thats just wrong and hurtful to say. I’d have a huge issue if he said it again just as I’m sure he’d have an issue with me taking off my ring and telling him that.
Post # 7
Wow…really not normal at all. Not once did my husband ever threaten not to marry me. I definitely think that the counseling needs to be more frequent or intensified. Once you do finally get married, is he going to threaten you with divorce every time you fight? Not cool.
Post # 7
that is NOT normal. You guys are under a lot of stress.. but that is not a healthy relationship. My Fi and I are in the middle of a custody battle, LDR right now, Planning a Destination Wedding wedding, Just moved from Co to LA AND his family is not speaking to him because of him chosing to be with me. We fight, but never to that point! That is very unhealthy is all I can say… you need to add in more sessions of therapy or get out!!! That behavior is unacceptable, especially if you have a son.
Post # 8
Even if he’s extremely stressed out, that does not make it ok to talk to you like that or threaten your marriage.
Post # 9
I can’t imagine going through this with my fiance. It sounds like you don’t even respect each other, let alone love each other. I’d definitely consider going back to counseling ASAP. This can’t be good for your child to go through either.
Post # 10
NO way, no how. If my husband threatened me with that, I would have probably shoved the ring down his throat, pointy prongs and all!!! It is not healthy for you guys to be acting this way, especially around your child. I think you need to stop the wedding, get back into counseling, and take a long hard look at your life and see if this is what you want for the rest of your life.
Post # 11
If my SO ever told me he didn’t want to marry me I would take that seriously and I would leave. Postponing your wedding 12 times and him asking for the ring back are complete red flags and definitely makes me feel like you two may not be right for marriage. It may be harsh but if his go to answer is to tell you he doesn’t want to marry you, I’m hearing he doesn’t want to marry you but he feels like he is supposed to.
Post # 12
Not to sound harsh, but his words/ actions sound very immature – it reminds me of how kids will argue w/ the constant threats & saying “when I apologized before, I didn’t mean it” kind of responses….
Post # 13
That doesn’t sound normal or healthy to me. By the way you describe it – it doesn’t sound like he’s saying it as a joke – he probably really does mean it… like he’ll leave you at the alter type of way. It sounds like you need to re evaluate if marrige and a life together living under 1 roof with combined finances and raising a child together is the right choice to make. Think about it.
Post # 14
Ok, I am going against everyone else right now and saying that I think its normal. Not right in any way, but I know that when Darling Husband and I fight, we say things we don’t mean and try to hurt each other. Its probably not a healthy way to fight, but that is just how we do it. And before our wedding, we were really stressed and I gave him back my ring at one point during a fight. Since the wedding is over, we don’t fight like that anymore, and we never had until the stress of the wedding. It made us both a little crazy! I think you have a lot on your plate and it makes the fights worse. But I also think you need to talk about your fighting and how you guys need to make rules. We did, so we don’t say things about leaving or anything becuase we both know that we don’t really mean that.