Post # 1
My husband isn’t an excessively angry person, infact he is often is able to remain very cool headed in stressful situations that would drive me to tears. But when he does get angry he usually also gets aggressive. Sometimes he’ll punch his desk or a wall when frustrated. A few times he’s broken things in his hands or smashed down his keyboard.
When he get’s REALLY angry it gets bad. He’s punched holes in walls before, thrown our entire dining furniture set to the floor, thrown small objects across the room, ect. It doesn’t scare me. He’s never even gotten close to hurting me and I know he never would.
It does frustrate me though, especially when he get’s this way during an argument. To me it’s just a completely ridiculous reaction. I may raise my voice or curse when I get my angriest, but I never start breaking stuff. If I bring this up after he’s cooled down he get’s all defensive and won’t talk to me about it.
Does anyone else’s husband do this??
Post # 3
No. Never. I wouldn’t be with him if he did. it sounds like he’s not good at controlling his emotions, and even if he never came close to touching me, it’s not a good character trait, in my opinion. Him not wanting to talk about it and getting defensive kind of screams “denial.”
Post # 4
You say that able to remain very cool headed in stressful situations
But to me that only sounds like he stuffs his anger down and doesnt release or deal with it until he releases it physically.
Maybe he should work on an outlet for that stress and anger? Or both of you learn the proper way to have an argument/fight so it doesnt escalate to that point.
And to answer your question I have never seen my DH raise a hand even to shake it, never mind to hit something.
He likely wont talk to you about it because he knows its not a proper reaction, but cant help it in the moment its either guilt or denial. But he should learn to help it.
You say he would never hurt you, but how do you know that? People always “know” until they no longer do and it surprises them. His behavior doesnt make me feel confident that one day you may push him too far or maybe you happen to be standing in the way. I would be nervous.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Childish and potentially dangerous behavior. He needs to learn to control his anger better. This would be a serious red flag for me.
Post # 6
No never. And if he even did that once (even if it wasn’t directed at me), I wouldn’t be sticking around. I have no tolerance for aggressive behavior and phyical violence of any kind.
Post # 7
My husband never ever does this. Neither do I. I would not tolerate it.
Post # 8
Any suggestions of what to do? I’ve considered speaking to our pastor about it.
Post # 9
No my FI would never do this. I think you need to take the PP’s advice and speak to a counselor, so you can learn how to fight in a way that will not escalate. If you would be more comfortable speaking to your pastor then do that, just be clear that you want to learn strategies for fighting that won’t involve getting so angry. He could also seek counseling alone, since he clearly has some anger management issues.
Post # 10
No. Mu husband doesn’t do this. Nobody i’ve ever known does this. It’s both dangerous and a really, really poor way of dealing with your emotions. I’d be really afraid that one day this aggression would get redirected at me or a child/animal.
Post # 11
@BeeBB: I think he needs therapy, not a pastor.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
No. That would not fly with me. 1. I don’t like that behavior. It is simply not the way that a responsible adult deals with things. Ever. 2. I would not allow someone to model that behavior for my child, thus warping his mind.
Post # 13
@BeeBB: I grew up in a house where we threw stuff (we’re the stuff throwingest family), and I throw stuff when I’m mad. However, I don’t break things, it’s lame like wadded up paper, socks, etc; my mom threw a teacup one time and it smashed through the window and glass landed in our in ground pool. It was a mess. I can tell you first hand, when I’m upset, there is no consoling me. You’re better off just walking away and letting him calm down. The not wanting to talk about it part seems troublesome though, I think talking to your pastor/marraige counselor about it might be a good idea.
Post # 14
My “EX” husband used to do this.
“EX” being the key word here.
not ok ever……..
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Telling your pastor will probably only embarass him and make it less likely he will receive help. Have you talked to him about it when he is in a good mood (i.e. not angry and breaking things)? Tell him how it makes you feel and ask him why he does it and if there is another way he can vent his anger. Venting anger is important for good mental health but breaking things, especially furniture and dishes is inappropriate. It’s what a 2 year old does when they are angry and don’t know any better.
Post # 16
Not even once. That type of behavior is not an acceptable coping mechanism for frustration.