Does your husband ever speak to you like this?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I have no advice… my husband does not talk to me this way. Whenever I am upset, feeling overwhelmed or over worked he always does his best to help out – he usually doesn’t remember to do things all on his own, and he might not jump right up and do them, but he will do them. He never makes me feel like my feelings aren’t accurate, or tells me that i’m being crazy.

Honestly, I dated a guy like your husband. No job, just sat around playing video games all day [and getting into trouble], and when I asked him to do ANYTHING he suddenly turned things onto me. Nothing was ever his fault and he always did SO much for me [even though he didn’t]. I broke it off with him.

Post # 4
1542 posts
Bumble bee

You absolutely do not deserve that! Completely unacceptable on his part!

That being said, have there been any other issues going on for you guys? Could this anger be misplaced? Even so, his behavior is still unacceptable. Has he ever talked to you like this before? Ugh! This just makes me so angry, that any man could treat his wife like this!!

My FI (who I’ve been with for 2.5 years) has NEVER spoken to me like this, and if he ever did, it would be the last day he ever saw me. I’ve even had some crappy BFs in the past, one of which hit me and I left his a** on the curb.

Women tend to get emotional sometimes, so what? Nothing worth being emotionally and verbally abused for. Sorry, I’m probably not being very constructive, but this just makes me mad. Either he straightens out immediately and has a damn good excuse for being an a**hole, or be done with him. I know it’s probably more comlicated since you guys are married, but that’s seriously how I would feel.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Willow90.
Post # 5
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Wow your husband has issues. Your husband should not be calling you a b- word or psycho. I get really cranky when I don’t get any sleep but my fiance has never called me the b-word for it or psycho. I think when he acts like this you should spend some time away from him.

My fiance works and makes fun of me sometimes when I complain or don’t do something that I should have done like talk to a casher when he was trying to make convo but he has never called me psycho or the b-word for it. My fiance puts up with a lot with me but that what you do when you care about someone. You need to have a talk with your husband because the way he is treating you isn’t right. 

Post # 6
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

The minute my FI called me a bitch or talked to me that way would be the minute I leave him. Seriously, you dont deserve to be talked to that way, and the fact that hes done it multiple times for seemingly no good reason is a huge red flag. 

Post # 7
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

thedocsdaughter:  I’m so sorry hon.  First, to answer your questions, no, my husband does not ever speak to me that way.  He doesn’t speak to anyone that way.  And while I can’t say whether it’s “normal” or not I can certainly give my opinion that what you’ve shared doesn’t sound healthy.  I’ve never been spoken to that way before, an ex once told me I was “acting bitchy,” which, to be fair, I kind of was, but he learned right quick that the “B” word in any form was absolutely off-limits with me (also English was not his first language so I don’t think he understood the severity).

Is this indicative of your husband’s general character throughout your relationship or a sudden change in behavior?  Not just asking about his behavior toward you but also his behavior toward others.  Is he typically aggressive or verbally abusive to you or others?  Is he a guy who frequently gets into fights?  If this is a sudden 180 in his behavior I’d be inclined to recommend some form of therapy right away, his harsh response could stem from some feelings of inadequacy not working or he could have something else going on that you’re not aware of.  And if he’s been a generally mean-spirited person throughout your relationship, well then I still recommend therapy, but your therapist may do more to help you extricate yourself from the relationship than to fix it.  Here’s a resource for abusive relationships if you’d like to read more:

Do trust your instincts.  It seems you really didn’t need to post this on Weddingbee to know that his behavior was inappropriate, I hope you take steps to either improve or terminate the relationship, whichever will be best for you.  Wishing you the best of luck!!!

Post # 8
2897 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Never has, never would. I would not hesitate to put some physical distance (I mean him on the other side of a locked door) if he ever even cursed at me, let alone a whole abusive tirade like that. We could do therapy or whatever. But only after he getsTF out of my house. You do NOT have to take this. 

Post # 10
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

No, he never speaks to me that way. I’m pretty sensitive and cry a lot, but he never shouts at me, nor does he offend me in any way. I wouldn’t allow him to either, he would be out the door the moment he did something like this. He doesn’t talk to others that way either. Given the agressivity, i don’t think it’s the first time you heard your husband talk like that. To you or others, whichever is the case. And given the situation you are in (surgery, parents) it’s perfectly normal for you to be sensitive or however you need to be. Don’t ever say what you said earlier: that you DESERVE to be spoken like this. It’s the most common phrase of abused women.. Emotional or physical. In addition, this man seems to live off you.. I understand that you are married to this guy, but i don’t like what I see. And since you’ve written, you don’t like what you see either. 

Post # 11
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You posted at the same time. I imagined he had this behavior before.. Run, honey… If this is the way he speaks to his mother as well, run! 

Post # 14
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

thedocsdaughter:  I know.. I’m so sorry! But if this is how he behaves in general, I don’t think you’re safe around him. And once you’ll have children, he will do that to them too.. growing up in a violent home will harm them for good. It’s not a healthy marriage. Think that you were told he would do this to you and now he does. He will do it to his kids as well.

I think that the moment he gets confortable, he will talk to you just like he does to his mom. Always, not just every now and then. He’s trying to control himself when he is with you, but it won’t be long until he will be himself around you as well. When the recently married moment will be gone, he won’t care. It’s clearly your decision, but think twice please.

Post # 15
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

thedocsdaughter:  I am sorry… To answer your question, nope my dh does not speak to me that way. we have raised our voices at each other in the past and yes i get really passive aggressive so we have had words before but we do not name call or swear at each other. When my dh gets angry (he does sometimes have a temper) I do feel like I am walking on eggshells and he does raise his voice but nothing like your husband. Personally, I would leave. I know it is scary and daunting but that is the kind of life you want to give your kids…

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