Post # 1
I read a lot of stories on the bee that I can’t fathom because they aren’t true to my reality at all. There are so many instances of husbands putting their mothers, sisters, friends, whoever before their partner. They care more about saving face and doing what others want them to do than their partner’s happiness. In my relationship, we always come first in each other’s eyes. It doesn’t matter who else gets mad because our own life is always our priority.
How about you?
Post # 3
Oh lord, I often have to remind DH to put others at all. If it were up to him I think he wouldn’t have any relationships with his family or friends because they are too much work and he’s lazy. Haha his world is pretty much just me and him!
Post # 4
He has never made me feel that I wasn’t his number one priority. There are a lot of things that I know are probably normal for other couples out there that I could not fathom in my relationship.
Post # 5
@MrsPanda99: I totally agree! It’s mind boggling to me. Isn’t that what being a “PARTNER” is? I couldn’t stay with someone who didn’t put me first.
Post # 6
I agree with you, we are each other’s priorities. He puts me first and I put him first no matter what.
Post # 7
He puts me and my daughter first now. It certainly wasn’t always that way and there were a lot of disagreements about it the first year or so. There was a lot of talk about healthy boundaries. I really cannot be happy in a relationship were I do not come first.
As mentioned by previous poster sometimes I have to remind him to call his friends to catch up with them but this has more to do with the fact that we moved 3 hours away and it is easy to lose touch.
Post # 8
I would say we put each other first, and part of that is knowing when I need to let him put others before me and vise versa.
Post # 9
I will be the first to admit DH has “mommy issues” and needs to be on someone’s couch to talk about it. He looks for approval from his mom but never gets it because she always have put a man before her kids. She didn’t even halfway raise them! But now that we are married, I think he could really care less about what she wants.
Post # 10
Mr. 99 and I have a saying we use on friends and family that want too much from either of us….”You’re first…right after him/her.”
Post # 11
@iarebridezilla: My FI is exactly the same way. He would be content if the world just contained the three of us (I included furbaby for good measure).
Post # 12
The two of us are our number one priority, and it’s been that way from shortly before we got engaged. It’s not even something that even needs to be thought about, you know?
I think a lot of the people whose partners put other people first have partners who have really unnatural and unhealthy relationship dynamics and families with unhealthy relationship dynamics.
Post # 13
@MrsPanda99: If anything, I am guilty of this far more than he is. Like @iarebridezilla, I think if I didn’t MAKE him visit family & friends he’d always opt to just hang out at home with me. I, on the other hand, have a very dependent little sister whom I’ve enabled her entire life. She has a 10 month old and I end up babysitting for 48 hours on the regular. I’m learning to say no, especially after she begged me to babysit the weekend we were moving and when I asked SO about it he replied “How are we supposed to start a life together when you have to keep jumping everytime she calls?” Dammit. That scared me straight for sure. I’ve been much better at saying no since.
Post # 14
@iarebridezilla: Ha! Same here! I am pretty sure that my DH would never talk to his mom on the phone if I didn’t physically hold the phone to his ear to get the conversation going. He has a good relationship with his parents but doesn’t see the need to talk to them…ever!
My mom has anxiety problems and in the past, I would spend a lot of time talking to her trying to soothe her and fix her problems, without really getting anywhere. I would get upset frequently about it and it negatively impacted my interactions with DH. About 5 years ago, he helped me realize I needed to define better boundaries and it’s been so much better since. I limit my time talking to her, have accepted that she does this to herself and I know I can’t make it better.
We both feel we need to cherish our time with friends and encourage one another’s social lives whenever we can.
But we put each other first. Always.
Post # 15
@MrsPanda99: I voted ‘always’ because all things equal, I always come first, and vice versa. There was actually a time a while ago where I had a HUGE falling out with his mum, and he was prepared not to have her at the wedding for my sake; so I know he would always put me first when it comes down to it.
BUT, it does depend on the situation eg if we have a casual trip to the pub planned, and a family emergency came up, he would put his family first. Similarly, if my best friend phoned in tears after her long-term partner had split up with her, I would put her first. There are other people who are important to both of us, so it does depend on the situation (and in those situations, I would 100% expect him to put family/friends first, and vice versa; it just isn’t an issue)
Post # 16
@iarebridezilla: Ditto – I”m pretty sure my husbands relationships have IMPROVED since I came along because I force him to go out and have them with people.