Post # 1
I know my BF cherishes me, but sometimes I wish he was a bit more thoughtful! I do get him little things he needs throughout the year to show my appreciation and I wish he did as well. I do not want to bring this up as this seems a bit shallow. But, I would LOVE if he surprised me with flowers or candy other than V-day and my birthday. He never really does anything thoughtful or cute. We have gotten into the routine during our few years of dating of dinner dates out and movie theatre.
What does your SO do for you? Those who are fine with their SO doing nothing: please respect the wishes of everyone else! Yes, I know he loves me, but I would like him to be thoughtful as I am with him.
Post # 3
Yeah some guys are pretty much oblivious. I had to ask my boyfriend to get me flowers for my birthday. I would love for him to do more, but I don’t really care too much.
Post # 4
Yes, he’ll send me flowers on a random day, surprises with with visits, buys me gifts just because. New Year’s Day he told me he was going to work but went to the mall an hour away to buy me a Kate Spade and a Michael Kors purse, it was very sweet especially since we’re college students. Randomly he’ll do little things like surprise me with ice cream and my favorite chocolate and it makes my night. He’s not really romantic but he does do sweet things. But when it comes to birthdays, christmas, v-day, he makes me tell him specifically what to get because he says he has no clue lol
Post # 5
If he goes somewhere, like his yearly trip to Seattle, he’ll sometimes pick up something neat, but other than that he sticks to the important days (Valentine’s, birthday, anniversary, Christmas). He pays attention, though – if I mention something, he’ll usually get me it if I haven’t gotten it for myself.
Post # 6
@southernbelle381: When we were long distance he would send me hand written letters 🙂 I would randomly get them in the mailbox and they made me sooo happy!! Now that we are in the same city, he leaves cards or notes on the kitchen island or on my dresser sometimes. Not “often” but just enough for me!
Post # 7
He doest get me lots of gifts through the year but he has general chivalrous ways about it. Hes always getting doors, if I forget something in the car he jumps up to go get it for me, always makes sure im comfortable and taken care of. He gets me flowers a few times a year randomly for no particular ocasion which is really cute. He never does anything too crazy, I like the little things better.
Sometimes we get so stuck in our routines that I forget that the small things he does are romantic, like getting up to get things for me, holding doors etc. I think I get so used it it, I forget that they are still romantic, and I take those little things for granted.
Post # 8
He’ll bring me flowers every once in a while, but he’ll also do the laundry and clean the house while I’m at work (he’s a nurse so he has days off during the week). He also likes to bring me to where we first met and take romantic walks. He also loves to cuddle. He’ll also take me out to nice restaurants for our anniversary or just because. He’ll also buy little presents when he notices its something I really like.
Post # 9
@southernbelle381: My FI occasionally does things like that. He bought me a book when I lost my copy and couldn’t find it, surprised me when my laptop completely died by buying me a new one when we agreed to split the cost and get one later, bought me the harry potter disc set because I am obsessed. But he doesn’t really do “romantic” things like flowers and candy. Im not into that stuff anyways.
I think a lot of guys don’t realize how important things like this can be to some women. I think you should talk to him about it. Maybe take the love languages quiz together (your language might even be gifts!) Then, just ask him if there’s anything you could do to make him feel more loved. Hopefully he would ask if there’s something he could do for you. If not, say “you know it would really mean so much to me if you could sometimes bring home flowers/candy/a romantic gift just because. It helps me to know that you’re thinking about me, and not just doing it out of obligation.”
Maybe the first time you’ll feel like he’s only doing it because you forced him to, but if he continues to randomly surprise you with small gifts or flowers you’ll know he’s doing it because he was thinking about you and wanted to make you happy.
Post # 10
My FI tries, most of his random gifts are practical lol sometimes I wish he was more romantic but I appreciate the effort!
Post # 11
@southernbelle381: whenever FI has tried to “surprise me” with something “sweet” its been nothing but awkward.
When we were in the process of moving in together we had made various trips to stores like home depot, lowes, pier 1 etc… What does he remember that I wanted out of all the stores… a garbage can…. “Theres a suprise inside!” — inside the garbage can was a utencil organizer, functional but not romantic, certainly odd
One time he bought a fondu set, but only enough wrapping paper to wrap 1/3 of the box.. so he tried to position it in the room, so that I could only see the wrapped portion. Awkward trying to “open” a present thats not technically wrapped.
Another time he remembered I wanted a particular dress, but I couldnt find it in my size. I needed it in XS but all the stores only had S (the sizes ran big). We went to 4 stores which all had the S. The entire time I kept saying these S’s are unusually big!!! Two days later, he comes home “I found it in your size!!” — he brought home a S!!! I was like so sweet, but no.
My favorite…he got a snowglobe from Things Remebered (because what 19 year old girl, doesnt want a hot pink snowglobe?….) and he had it engraved “I love you, love Edwardo”— His name is JOHN, his middle name is edward and ONE time I called him Juan Edwardo as a joke. 7 years later the snowglobe i still awkwardly on my dresser, sticking out like a sore thumb- with all of its hot pink glory. A few people have asked who the hell Edwardo is–
The thought is definitely there. My poor FI is just not the great at executing plans and I adore his efforts. It may sound like Im complaining but Im not. Im in tears laughing thinking about all of these gifts. The years of laughter and love are much better than the worth of the actual objects–
Post # 12
@southernbelle381: I think this goes back to the whole 5 Love Languages things. Different people show love through different ways….for some guys it’s gifts, so they give lots of flowers and notes and little things like that. Some guys it’s through words of affirmation, acts of kindness, physical touch or quality time.
I love how none of the love languages are right or wrong, it’s just how different people give and recieve love! I like words of affirmation, so every holiday or occasion I ask for just a hand written love letter full of words of affirmation that I can always go back ands read. I loovveeee them!
i think its super helpful learning what each others love languages are and then becoming more attentive to each other’s primary language(s). It’s really helped out my relationships and makes both people understand each other better.
but ya I agree with what one of the PP said, many guys don’t realize how important the little things mean to us girls
Post # 13
@southernbelle381: Sorry OP, it sounds like your BF is a lot like me. Do you happen to know his love language or your own? Have you talked with him about this?
Sometimes DH makes me look like the insensitive one (not intentionally) in the relationship because he is actually really good at giving thoughtful gifts. But in all fairness, his love lanugage is acts of service. My language is physical touch. So when I want to show appreciation, I show affection. He, on the other hand, will do something for me or buy me a thoughtful gift I have been wanting. It may be in the form of my favorite coffee drink, Hershey’s chocolate bars (my favorite) or giving me a back rub.
I, on the other hand, have a history of bad gift giving. It was so bad once that for Valentine’s Day, we agreed not buy each other anything (or so I thought). I ended buying him a 2 packs of haribo gummy bears (his favorite) and a card. He created this elaborate 30 minute scavenger hunt throughout our house that led to….a red, Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer (that I had been wanting for 2 years). Oh my goodness, I felt like a douche. He didn’t say anything of course, but what happened to no gifts?!?!
I even used to give him “pratical gifts” for the holidays and birthdays. Like a toaster oven because he likes toast, a milkshake maker because he loves malts, a shaving kit because he needed one (that was one of the better ones). He on the other hand has given me a Kindle Reader, a Nikon DSLR camera, and massage certificates.
I have gotten better though in the past few years! It has taken concious effort for me to focus on little clues throughout the year. Like things he says he likes or lingers in front in the store for a little while. I finally really surprised him for his last birthday when I bought a helicopter ride. He loved it!
I think there is hope for your BF, especially if you both do a little exploration of your love languages and discuss this a little further.
Post # 14
@bmo88: Where can i find this love language quiz everyone is talking about?!
Post # 15
@southernbelle381: My FI and I have been together three years. He’s bought flowers twice. He’ll occasionally do something romantic and surprising, but it’s really not him. It’s not that he doesn’t love and care about me, he’s just not that kind of guy. He’s more like, “hey, I know you had a really bad day. Let me take you to your favorite sushi restaurant,””I’ll clean the bird cage,””I know you’re sick of studying, here’s your favorite sugar-free redbull. Oh, and I didn’t remember which kind of chocolate you bought, so here’s a few different kinds. And I checked, they don’t have nuts in them.” So I’d say he’s not romantic in the traditional sense, but he always knows how to take care of me when I need it.
Post # 16