Post # 1
FH and I have been together for over 5 years now, and during this entire time, he has always cleared his internet history. Like every time I am over and use his computer for anything, it has been cleared, so I know that he purposely clears it before I arrive. He also clears his google search history. I don’t necessarily go “snooping” but I do notice that everything is cleared.
I dont know why, but this recently has started to make me feel uncomfortable. I know he watches porn, he admits it, but other than that he is very secretive about his porn preferences. I am not thrilled about porn, but just realize I have to accept it. I have even suggested we watch porn together and he refuses, saying porn is something he does when he’s alone, in private and he would feel weird watching it with me.
Basically I think it’s just all the secrecy that is starting to bother me. Why does he have to viligantly clear his internet history so I dont see what he’s been up to? Why does he want to keep porn habits seperate, private thing from me? It makes me freak out a little bit when I start to think of what the reasons could be.
I’ve brought it up with him before and he laughs and tells me I’m worrying about nothing and it’s not a big deal because almost all guys clear their internet histories.
Basically I want to know what you bees think. Am I over reacting and I should just let it go? How would you feel? Does your SO clear his internet history too?
Post # 3
Do you know if he has it set to automatically clear everytime the browser closes? To me that would seem less suspicious then going in and clearing it right before you got there.
Post # 4
I know my FI watches porn, and it doesn’t bother me. He’s also not tech savvy enough to know how to clear the history, or the url history. Thats how i know what he’s been watching. not because is snoop, but when i go back to see pages that i’ve looked at earlier, i see what he was doing. He doesnt like to talk about the porn either. I think he feels guility about watching it. But i’ve told him over and over that it doesn’t bother me, but he still likes to be secretive. Maybe that’s part of the excitement? Like if I know about it and am ok with it, there is a little less thrill? Anyway, as long as it isn’t taking over his life and he’s watching it for 8 hours a day, i don’t see the problem. But if you’re not ok with it (especially the secrecy part) you definitely need to have a talk about it and explain whey you are uncomfortale.
Post # 5
The pron thing worries me more than clearing the history. Why is his porn something that he feels like he has to hide from you?
Post # 6
My internet history is set to clear every time I close the browswer. I specifically do this so FI doesn’t know my porn preferences. He knows the types of things I like but the fantasies I have are very private and I would be very embarassed if he saw or knew what all of them were.
Post # 7
I second @Natalieh86:. Many people set up their browser to clear out when they close it, myself included.
I’m sorry the porn thing is bugging you. What is it about him watching the porn that bothers you so much? You know he does it, are you also hoping to see exactly what he watches? If so, why?
Post # 8
I get what some of you ladies are saying. Like I sometimes dont want him to know all the websites I visited and will clear my own history, nor do I think he needs to know all my sexual fantasies if I choose to keep some private (although I rarely watch porn by myself). But it just seems like he’s hiding something when every time I’m on his computer, it’s crystal clear.
And you guys do bring up a good point about unless it getting in the way, why should porn bother me, and do I really want to know what he’s watching…I guess my biggest thing is, I went through a period where I watched more porn by myself and I came to the conclusion that I dont find a lot of the mainstream stuff out there to really be sexy. If I want to watch porn, it actually takes me quite a while searching to find something that even turns me on. There is lack of tenderness and kissing, and I feel sometimes women are humiliated or disrespected and porn tends to be so focused on the male needs and wants. I do get that it’s fantasy, but I guess it bothers me thinking that my awesome FH would find certain things sexually arousing that I find so off-putting, and that he chooses to keep it all a secret.
I’ve asked him what he watches, and he says “nothing weird, just regular sex, usually with a guy and a girl, sometimes a threesome”, and he tells me I wouldn’t be offended by it. But if this is the case, then why hide it? Ugh…I don’t know…
Post # 9
Being able to communicate openly about sex is really, really important in a marriage. Have you visibly freaked out about the porn with him? Told him it makes you uncomfortable? He may think he is trying to save you the heartache of seeing things related to it, and it is coming off as something suspicious instead. Try talking to him about it in a loving, accepting way. He may open up to you more about it if he knows he can talk to you and be accepted.
And no, my husband does not clear his browser history. He has some of his favorite porn files uploaded to our media server, even. I’d always rather know than be in denial.
Post # 11
I think that this is something you need to let go. Everyone has there deep, dark secrets, fantasies they enjoy etc which don’t effect their life but that they allow themselves to enjoy, by themselves. You just said that there are things you don’t necessarily want to share with him, give him the same benefit. Even if he does like to watch porn that you don’t like yourself, that’s ok!
Remember that porn and related activities are only about pleasing one person, himself, and really it’s a completely different activity to sex. Sex is about compromise and making sure both people are enjoying themselves and sharing a connection. What porn he watches may be very different from how you have sex, and that’s ok! Because it’s a different activity all together.
So, try and let it go, there are much bigger things to worry about and until it actually starts to affect your relationship, it’s not a big deal. Digging now will just cause trouble.
Post # 12
DH doesn’t. But if the history is always in the side bar (some computers are like that!) I hate seeing it- it looks clunky and cluttered to me. My OCD prompts me to clear it, and I can breathe again. I’m the same way at work with my email. Each email has a subject and it goes in the appropriate folder; otherwise it looks too chaotic and cluttered for me…
Just thought I’d offer a different perspective 🙂
Post # 13
Maybe he also hangs out in chat rooms with other guys and acts like an idiot. I am being serious, in the age of the internet and message boards, I know lots of people who BS like idiots on-line the way they would at a bar hanging out with “the guys.” They joke about farts and fat chicks and shit blowing up good in movies.
It’s possible that is what your guy is doing, just being a guy…and maybe he doesn’t want you to see the 15 page long thread he and his buddies have discussing which is better Jessica Alba’s ass or Christina Hendrick’s rack, not because he is trying to lie to you, but because he knows it makes him look like some 14 year old butthead.
I am sure there is porn there too, but there is possibly just a lot of dumb shit he doesn’t want you to know about because it makes him look stupid. Think of it this way: if you were on his computer researching how to deal with lip/chin waxing, is that something you would REALLY want him to stumble on? No, not because it’s some big secret, but because you want to keep some air of mystery and be seen as a natural beauty…not suddenly be seen as the bearded lady.
Post # 14
My browser is set to always be in private browsing mode. And it clears everything when I exit. I don’t like leaving any kind of trace of where I’ve been. I don’t want to keep random cookies, I don’t want to keep pages cached. I prefer to keep as much crap off my computer as I can. It’s just easier to keep it clean than have to go in and clean it. It sounds like you’re paranoid to me.
Post # 15
No, I don’t think my FI would know how. I also know he doesn’t watch porn… like at all. He used to but now he’s just not that into it, mainly because we have more sex now. Every male is different.
Post # 16
I think if he’s clearing it purposely that’s a bit weird- as for the porn thing, if it bothers you maybe you shouldn’t be with him. What you’re comfortable with is totally up to you. I know lots of women are totally cool with porn, I personally don’t care for it. If my husband was an avid watcher it’d be a deal breaker.