(Closed) Does your SO get along with his mom ?g

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Weve only been together for 5 years and they get along great and he treats her great.

When we first started dating he would do this one thing to his mom I found very disrespectful and told him that quote and that it made me question if he would treat me that way. He immediately stopped and hasnt done it again.

 

Post # 4
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know what you mean, but I dont think that quote is really true. My DH doesnt have a good relationship with his mother. She did something when he was young that he has never been able to forgive her for. He will talk to her about one a month, but that is it. I always ask him to call her on special occasions (mothers day, christmas etc) but he won’t. Now I know that this is a different situation than yours, but how he treats her does not translate into how he treats me, and I dont think that he ever will.  If he doesnt treat you like he treats his mother now, why are you questioning if he will treat you like that later on in your relationship?

Post # 5
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The relationship you described between your SO and FMIL is exactly the way my FI and my FMIL are.  She is a little crazy, and he definitely has a love hate relationship with her.  Now, clearly, we are not married yet, but my FI treats me like gold. He’s caring and considerate, and has NEVER disrespected me.  I really don’t think that quote is true for everyone.

Post # 6
Member
7308 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think that quote is only true to a certain extent, and I would not live and die by it.  Just because you are related to someone does not mean that you will necessarily like them as a person.  My husband and his mom are on fine terms but are not at all close.  No bad blood at all, but they talk like once a month and are not really involved in eachother’s lives.  It was this way before he and I met.  He is a wonderful and attentive husband and father, so the comparison to his relationship with is mother is not relevant.  If he were disrespectful, then maybe it would be different. 

Post # 7
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m not a married bee, but I think that quote depends on the mother.

My FI has a love/hate relationship with his mother too.  He just spent the last 5 months not talking to her.  But the thing is she is bipolar.  She would send me ugly texts then swear to my face that we’ve never had issues.  She caused a lot of problems between us. He treats me great.  And he tries to treat her great but it depends on her mood. Look at your FMIL and see if her actions is why he treats her badly? 

If he treats you well the entire time you’ve been together, why worry about it?

Post # 8
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My husband and his mom get along really well. He’s kind of a momma’s boy sometimes. I think I’ve noticed that he treats me the way his dad treats his mom though, which is very nicely!

Post # 9
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think the quote is something that you can talk to all relationships b/c some are the way they are because of him and some are the way they are b/c of her.

My ex husband did treat me just like he treated his mom. Which meant he threw a fit when he didn’t get his way, he was relentless to not let things go, and he threw things in my face… exactly the same. <– great example of it being b/c of him.

DH has an okay relationship with his mom, is always very respectful & honoring toward and with her, but she’s put him in tight spots b/c she doesn’t have very good relational boundaries… soooooo.. we don’t see her a whole bunch b/c it causes problems if we do. <– example of it being b/c of her.

If he’s the reason why the relationship isn’t good then I would be concerned that he’d be the same way to you in probably the same areas.. If it’s b/c of her then he’ll probably be great and just have to appropriately deal with his mom so that her issues don’t become your issues. 😉

Post # 10
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My FI and his Mom get along well, but they aren’t super close and they don’t talk everyday or that often even. I really don’t agree with that quote. My FI definitely treats me better than his Mom and that’s understandable especially cuz we have been living together for 8 months and he hasn’t lived with his Mom for 12 years.

Post # 11
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He worships his mom. I love to see them interact together. She gets irrated at him because he is overly protective of her. I love that about him. She is very deserving of that kind of devotion because she is the fantasy FMIL. I have never, ever had any disagrement with this woman. She’s funny, rational and minds her business. So in my case the quote is dead on. I’ve never been in relationships where my BF didn’t get along with their mothers.

Post # 12
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My FI is really good to his mother and is a devoted son in a lot of ways. However, his mother is kind of a crazy, scatter-brained woman and he does complain about her sometimes. So it’s kind of the best of both worlds; he treats her well which is a good sign for how he will/does treat me, but he’s not a “momma’s boy.”

Post # 13
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

FI gets along very well with his parents. His mother calls him frequently and he rushes her off the phone at times… which happens with me too haha. (Then again whenever he calls me at work I let him speak for about 30 seconds before my attention shifts so I really shouldn’t complain about the 2 minutes he lets me rattle on for!). He is always willing to go out of his way and help them out but also has been really good about putting our needs/my needs above his parents (as far as the wedding stuff is concerned). I got lucky 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My husband and his mother has a similar relationship.. love/dislike. He’ll complain about her emotional manipulation and then she does the right thing and he softens. I’m not saying my mil always is manipulating him, she genuinely adores him… She’s just the kind of person who puts her wants above everyone elses.

Post # 15
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My ex-husband was very disrespectful of his mother. I remember once, shortly before we got married, that he got into an argument with her, and called her a bitch. I recall being REALLY shocked as I would never have dreamed of calling either of my parents a name like that. He always seemed to hold her in contempt. Granted, she wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, but I think alot of it was her responding to his open hostillity. Once we were married, it was not very long and I started getting the same treatment. He was very contemptuous, and condescending and just plain mean sometimes. Pretty soon, the verbal abuse started. After much soul searching, I realized I could not live with that, and filed for divorce.

Jump forward 20 years and here I am about to get married again. My FI is as different from my ex as two people could possibly be. He is loving and thoughtful. He talks to his mom on the phone a couple times a week. We go visit them at least twice a month, when they are in home, (they live about 40 miles from us, but they go to Florida from December to April.) He is by no means a mamas boy, but he loves his parents and is respectful towards his mom and dad and they clearly think the world of him. I think, just seeing their interraction puts my mind at ease, for how our future will be.

Post # 16
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Neither NotFroofy nor I is even in contact with her mother.  I think you really have to look at the circumstances.  If someone is generally snarky toward a loving mother, you might want to watch out.  However, there are some instances in which someone cannot please his mother, no matter what he does.  If that’s the issue, he’s not going to end up treating you like that unless you start behaving like his mother.

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