Post # 1
We always hear a lot about how we don’t get along with the in-laws, but how does your SO get along with their parents? Does it bother you if they don’t have a good relationship?
My husband doesn’t really seem to have a relationship with either parent. He’ll talk to his mother about once a month via text, and his father even less. While I don’t think he has anything against his mother, his father is a nastily mean alcoholic, and tends to go off the handle. Like he’ll be all nice and whatnot for a couple of weeks, and then just spews out the most mean, hurtful things to my husband and SIL (when they’re talking to him, that is).
It used to bother me a bit that my husband seems so disconnected from his parents (I have a good relationship with mine, and talk to/see them once a week), but after I was on the receiving end of one of my FIL’s drunken word vomit, I could really care less if we ever speak to him again. And I have nothing against my MIL, she has just always come across as more interested in her current husband than anything else.
What are your experiences?
Post # 3
@Twyla_Smith: I voted “varies off and on”. Not because they sometimes have problems. They don’t really have problems, both his parents are perfectly nice. He loves them and he talks to them once or twice a month. They go through times where he or they call more or less. But when he was 14 he left his parents house to stay with his Aunt in another city in order to attend a better highschool. So because of that he barely even saw his parents (who were at home with 5 other little kids) for 6 years and now he lives in another country than they do. He’s the oldest and there are also 6 years between him and his next sibling. So those two things coupled together, I think, make him feel disconnected from his family. His brother lives a couple blocks from our house and he’s never been over here. We’ve never gone out to dinner together. They used to live together as roommates, but even then they didn’t really do anything together. So now I think I should have voted “other”. I dunno. I do wish he had a better realtionship with them because I know it bothers him and it would be nice to think of them as my family too, but they hardly talk to him and even less to me. It also doesn’t help that when they found out we were dating his mother said “I hope she doens’t get pregnant, then you’ll never come back.” 🙁
ETA: That last line did not offend me, it hurt me, but did not offend. The reason is that they are Guatemalan and things are different there. She’s a product of her environment, she didn’t say it too me, or to be mean. She’s sad because she’s afraid she will never see her son again and I don’t think she would assume that I would come down there. Which I would. I have been to Guatemala 3 times.
Post # 4
My fiancé gets on well with his father but not his mother. I do wish sometimes they did get on better together because then they could have an easier relationship.
There are some main problems – when they get together, they’re very similar in the way they “react” to each other, quite hot headed, which is funny because it is only with her that he is like this. He is very wary about what, if any, information he will give her about things, as she has been known to use it as ammunition for something at a later date. I also think, althought it wouldn’t be said, that there is slight favouritism with his younger sister (who has a phd) and him (the man who works in the supermarket – I don’t complain…he earns more than me and gets good benefits and a discount, which I will get to use!)
Also, she is a major “perfectionist” and hasn’t seen our house yet (only I currently live there) as we both know she will just make negative comments because there are parts of the house that are very “building site” like, holes in the walls etc. What will be annoying is if she ever did come round then she would be all nicey nicey but then go and moan when she got home!
I would love if if he got on better with his mum and maybe their relationship would improve after he moves out. It’s a good thing that we get on well with my parents!
Post # 5
“it varies off and on” and “other” because I just want him to be happy. I’m so glad his parents aren’t clingy. We both have on/off relationships with our parents, it wouldn’t be fair of me to judge him for that, it would be hypocrisy.
Post # 6
My fi has a great relationship with his mom. He does an amazing job of taking care of her. His dad passed away 8 years ago and sadly I’ve never met him. I do know that he and his dad also had a good relationship.
Post # 7
FI has a great relationship with his parents, especially his father, whom is his role model.
Post # 8
FI is very close with his parents, his mum especially (helicopter mum and momma’s boy). They get along really well, and rarely have arguments. He still lives with them but when we move out we will probably see them at least once a week or fortnightly.
Post # 9
He gets along with them very well, and I’m really grateful for that.
Post # 10
@Twyla_Smith: He has a good relationship with his mom, but his dad not so much. His parents are together, but just roommates in my opinion. His dad hardly ever came to his games, concerts, or anything growing up. It was always his mom. His dad says its because he works hard to make a ton of money to live the way they do and to provide for the “kids” after FIL passes. MIL has told him they would rather have his time than money but he claims time doesn’t pa ythe bills or provide. He tries to offer advice, but he is so stubborn and bullheaded that if you don’t take it he will literally verbally and emotionally abuse you to the point where you just want to punch him.
I wish he and his dad would be able to be close, but I don’t see that happening. DH said he doesn’t either so he is going to make sure to be the dad he never had.
Post # 11
Im not a family person so if you hurt me your then dead to me- my SO LOVES his family time after time his mother treats him like crap! she “has” mental issues- ive watched her very closely she its all girly-girl “i want this i want that”, “you buy me this and show me your love” shes so fake its not even funny! she does it to the entire family, its funny one time i cought her and she was doing her “dont you love me…bla bla” and as she was talking she turned and made eye contact with me, i had my arms folded and gave her the look of “im going to choke you out” and WOW did her story change real quick- she wont do that sh!t infront of me she knows i wont take it…she is very sneeky. (ok hers a long story short what one of the things she did to me , we were going out, she was going to come over at 10am he called her and said “we are leaving at 2, be here because we are gonna lock the door” she flipped out on him saying we had to wait there becouse she wanted to get her hair done and nails! she dont work why would she do it the one day we had something planed for ourselves!, anyway she calls my cell and i didnt hear it ring, its now 2 we didnt hear from her and now in the car i look at cell she left a message saying “you are no god damn good, you are an evil bitch teaching my son not to love me you are a selfish b!tch, your a dog and no good, cry cry cry you need jesus in your life you wont be happy till you find him i want my son to love me and your the evil person turning him away i want you out of my sons life” (bla bla 20min then my cell cut of the message….)all because she thought i told my FI “dont let your mom over this house” we were together 3mts and i just moved in who am i to tell him anything! OMG…but for some ODD reason my FI kisses her read because “shes my mother shes the only one i have”…LORD if my mother did that i would put her in her place infront of everyone! its redicioulus! I have asked him before how many relationships shes rouined for him, every time we argue its because i dont agree with what “she needs/wants/ feels shes intitled to” I could go on for days about this! OMG i had to start a blog to vent about how much i cant stand her and how she makes me not want to be appart of that family! I HATE his mother!
Sorry its long…ha i needed to vent!
Post # 12
Family is everything to me so I hurt for him. Last time we saw his mother was in court back in September. And he hasn’t seen his dad since his mom kicked dad out 20+ years ago. My mom died 5 years ago and dad is getting up there in years, so it bugs me that if we have kids they may not have blood kin grandparents. I have several “adopted” parents that would fill the role, but it still hurts.
Post # 13
He’s very close with his parents. They talk on the phone several times a week. If I were him, I’d be very homesick (they are in another country) but he does well with it. I’m going to meet them this October and I am SO NERVOUS because I really want them to like me!
Post # 14
Yes, he does. I think he could be a little more independent from them, but I believe that will come in time
Post # 15
I put other, because sometimes it feels like they are too close, and that she wants to keep a part of him all to herself!
His relationship with his dad is awesome. But he is uncomfortably close to his mum in my opinion.
Post # 16
My husband gets along with his father. He is his father’s favorite and my BIL is my MIL’s favorite. He speaks to them about once a month and sees them every few years since they live far away. My MIL has been very critical and mean to her sons since they got married. My FIL is just a calm and funny guy who loves life. I love my FIL.