Post # 1
Maybe I was crazy thinking that my FI would want to help out with all the wedding planning but he seems to want nothing to do with it. It’s like pulling teeth to try and get him involved. Sometimes I feel like I have to act like a mother telling thier child to do their homework. grrr!
Has anyone else dealt with this? I thought this was suppose to be a wionderful time in our lives but instead I feel stressed out and lonely. I wonder why he even proposed when he shows no interest in the wedding.
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
oh, i’m sorry you are feeling lonely in the planning. i think you are in good company–a lot of to-be hubbies don’t have a lot to do with the planning. my partner has almost nothing to do with the planning, except for picking a date and making a final decision on the venue.
maybe you guys could sit down and talk, and lay out your expectations for the wedding planning? if he understands that this is something that you really want, he might get a little more involved. on the flip side, if he tells you that it’s really not up his alley, at least you know, and you have more freedom to do what you want without having to run it by him!
Post # 4
Aww I think it’s just the nature of a lot of men to “stay out of our way” lol. My FI is really not too involved in the wedding planning, he’d much rather I attend to all the crafts and details. I’ve been waiting for him to schedule an appointment with a travel agency, and he keeps dragging his feet, even though he knows the people! So, I took over that job too 😉
I highly doubt his lack of interest in planning is a reflection of his feelings about the wedding itself, if that’s your concern. FI can’t wait for the wedding, but he’s not much of a planner, so he leaves that all to me. Maybe your FI is the same way?
Post # 5
I’m sorry you feel alone….that sux. I don’t have this problem. We’re a team with this. Tell him how you feel. This is a special day for the both yoo and well….you would like to know how he feels about things.
Post # 6
I totally understand! My future hubby seems to want to just lay low when it comes to planning but I think that it is because he wants to just “stay out of the way” – which I don’t want! I think that grooms have this idea that the wedding planning is just for the bride, which is a pretty outdated idea to me. I have just given him a few select tasks (researching honeymoon locations, booking the officiant, etc.) to focus on while I take care of the bigger things and run the final product by him for an opinion. This seems to be working great for us!
It is very doubtful that your fiance’s interest (or lack therof) in wedding planning is a sign that he doesn’t want to get married! I would just talk with him about your concerns and maybe reassure him that his opinion is important because it is “his day” too! Happy planning :]
Post # 7
my fi has some things that he’ll help with and some things that he just doesn’t care about. if i talk to him about flowers, he’ll listen, but he doesn’t have any opinions and you can tell he’s just listening to be nice. but he went out all by himself to buy a microphone and look for speakers for our ipod, and the wedding website is completely him. maybe you can try finding aspects that he’s interested in.
Post # 8
i think “Mary Fiore” (aka, j-lo! ) summed it up the best in the movie “The wedding Planner” …….”Most grooms are NIDs. Not into details.”
I had to literally persuade my FI to look at the reception space I decided on… i was pretty upset with him becuase he said “i’m sure its nice.. whatever you want, i don’t need to see it”
grrrrrr… i had to reason with him that it was important for me to share the planning process and that is part of the fun. After i told him that he’s more responsive to major decisions. Now when i start showing him linen colors, thats when i’ve lost his attention completely! ( and thats ok! )
Post # 9
@krissybee I agree!!! men are def “NID” in most cases.
My FH has his little projects for the wedding and helps but I do have to coax him a bit and remind him “It is LESS than 6 months to the wedding!!” but he is a great listener about the wedding and does give input when asked.
Post # 10
SO sits back and says,”Just tell me what colors you like and I’ll be sure to have my tux match.” That’s about as involved as he gets with it! Meanwhile, I’m dedicating just about ever ounce of spare time (with a 15 month old, that’s dedication!) to perusing for wedding ideas and he’s watching football. I think it’s pretty typical behavior…though, he does listen when I share an idea. I’ll take what I can get!
Post # 11
Mr. Evie has nothing to do with any of the wedding plans. I expected as much, and truthfully, it’s been great this way. I don’t feel that his lack of participation means anything about our future marriage…. I knew he would not enjoy the planning process, but I just love it! He wants to be married to me, but probably doesn’t care too much about whether the roses are pink or peach.
Not to be rude, but I think it’s a bit silly when women are surprised that their FI’s aren’t interested in planning… Don’t make him do planning if he doesn’t want to! Enlist the help of your bridesmaids! Don’t read into it either—he just wants you to be his wife, wedding or not.
Post # 12
My fiance is very excited to partake in wedding planning, but I suspect it’s largely due to the fact that he has been in SEVEN weddings and has developed strong opinions about everything from guest list size, to music, to attire. I would go at it from an angle like “So what did you like about so and so’s weddings”, maybe that would help?
Post # 13
This may or may not help, because J came into the game wanting to play, but he wasn’t really helpful until I gave him really specific tasks, instructions and deadlines (“Call these 11 venues and find out x, y, z and write them all on this spreadsheet. This has to be done by Jan 1”). Without the structure, he didn’t know HOW to help.
If it’s just an enthusiam thing, I dunno… maybe talk about WHY the wedding is important to both of you, and WHAT about the wedding is important to both of you? Maybe if you can both understand the others’ perspective you’ll be able to find things he’ll be more willing to help with (because he values them more).
Post # 14
My fiance said he wanted to be involved at first and had a lot of opinions/ideas. Then he talked to his friend that is getting married in 2 months who had hardly anything to do with planning his wedding and he was like “Im going to take after him”. But THEN he started talking about things and having an opinionon everything and Im like you can either help or not but dont say you dont want to and then try to! So he is going to find the DJ, plan the honeymoon AND he came up with an idea for centerpieces (lemons and limes since our colors are green and yellow and its a summer wedding) Maybe you can just assign him one or two specific tasks that will just take a little bit off of your shoulders??
Post # 15
My FI doesn’t do anything wedding related either. It’s annoying, I’m doing everything by myself and when I say something he says “I don’t care about colors” like that’s the only freaking thing I have to worry about. I’m just going to book it all and he’ll have to deal with it since he says he doesn’t care about the details. We did get into a tiff last night because of the engagement photo issue (I kinda want them, he doesn’t) and posing etc. He says I’m a bridezilla (which believe me I’ve seen the show and I’m NOT a bridezilla in the least) I just want things to be nice. I’m so annoyed I’ll need a vacation away from everyone (FI included) once this wedding is over!!
Post # 16
At the beginning of the planning process, we sat down and discussed what he was interested in helping with, what he’d like to have input on, and what he couldn’t care less about. Then I told him that I don’t care about DJs, so if he wanted something besides an iPod reception, the DJ was up to him. So, when we go to the Bridal Fair next weekend, he’ll be finalizing the DJ. I’ve realized that while he’s not interested in the intricate planning details, he does want to have some input. So, I narrow it down to 2 or 3 options, then present those options to him to help me finalize the details.