Post # 1
Does your SO know how the waiting affects you? I have gone through bouts of depression and anxiety during the “waiting” stage of our relationship. I actually sat him down and told him how this makes me feel and the questions that go through my mind on a daily basis. How many times I’ve gotten my hopes up (not his fault) and nothing has happened. I told him that I didn’t want him to respond or do anything, I just wanted him to understand that while he knows what his timing is, and how he is planning to do things, that I am left in the dark wondering (which is fine to a point). I really don’t think that men quite understand how this makes us feel. I am trying hard to not get my hopes up anymore that he will propose soon. I am looking for ways to keep this from happening as it only hurts me and puts a damper on our time together. I don’t need to find hobbies or other things to do. This is happening when we are together, not when we are apart. He said that we should take a trip together soon (this happened right after this conversation) but I refuse to get my hopes up again because each time I do , I feel like I’m becoming more jaded over the situation and I do not want this to happen.
Post # 3
I’m exactly the same, the passed week has been really tough on me waiting wise. But suddenly yesterday morning he kissed my forehead and I realized how silly I was being. You need to look at it like this, would you rather guilt him into proposing and ruining your own surprise he has planned, or would you rather tough it out and get a super awesome proposal! 😛
Stay strong, everything will be ok and you will have a moment like that too where you just realize that he loves you no matter what and he is COMPLETELY aware of your depression but he knows he has to stay strong so he doesn’t ruin the plans he has.
Just my opinion because that’s what my SO is doing lol!
Post # 4
I don’t think mine knows what it does to me. I think if he did, he would try to take steps to make me feel better.
Post # 5
@Gingerlove: But yesterday he told you it would be in 4 days. You can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that mine has nothing planned.
By the way, congratulations early 🙂
Post # 6
I told him a few days ago that if he doesn’t know by now… I’m clearly NOT the one 🙁
Post # 7
I’ve told him, and he thinks I’m crazy. I then used analogies to the new xbox:
if he KNEW I bought one for him, and he’s wanted it for YEARS, and everyone he knows constantly asks he has the damned Xbox yet, and the xbox is life changing, and the longer you don’t have it, the more people look at you like there’s something wrong…it causes anxiety! It makes you doubt your relationship! You panic everytime someone else gets a new xbox, especially when they just discovered xboxes last week and you’ve cared about them for so much longer. All you want is for me to give you the xbox so you can move on with your life instead of being stuck in an xboxless existence…
Okay, maybe I am crazy.
Post # 8
he knows……HE KNOWS!!
He actually just told me recently that he plans to propose this summer, so I’ve been a lot more calm about it.
It wasn’t just the fact of waiting, it was that I felt like it was going to be endless waiting
Post # 9
@beginningagain: yeahhhhh NOW I’m at the end lol, but I’ve been where you are for years!!! LOL
Post # 10
Not completely. I’ve had some anxiety as well, and completely melted down a few moths ago. I can’t recall a time I’ve broken down like that…ever. Then I felt guilty for getting so worked up about it! But I think that’s when Mr Tea realized how the uncertainty was getting to me.
After that, he has been much more communicative about where he is in the process (ring is finished! Ahh!) and what’s going on…without completely ruining the surprise. And no more meltdowns, thank god. I felt like a crazy person, and we are both so much happier, because it’s no fun for him to be with a girl that’s in a funk all the time either!
Post # 11
I burst into tears at a Chili’s over it, so yeah, he knows, haha. The main deal for us was that we were going to get engaged last month, before I graduated, so I would get anxious at every single special moment thinking it was going to happen, and then he revealed to me that he still wasn’t ready. (He has the ring, but he doesn’t know that I know.)
So naturally I was very upset, but I’m better about it now.
I still want that ring right NOW though. I’m only slightly obsessed with it, lol. I picked it out myself.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley
He’s known for awhile. It has been impossible for it to not be an issue since everyone we know has gotten engaged in the last year or so. (We attended 7 weddings last year, 9 on the calendar for this year and 3 already for next year) Add to that that everytime we go anywhere people ask us when are you getting engaged, why aren’t you engaged yet?? We’ll be at 4 years in Augst & we’re 32/33.
Probably my worst moment was after hearing the news of our friends/neighbors engagement (over the phone), I was fighting back tears I trying to distract myself from acting like a baby. He came over to me to see if I was ok, gave me a hug and said, “aw, poor babe…” That didn’t go over so well with me. I pulled away & snapped at him, “I don’t need to be consoled, and certainly NOT by YOU! It’s not like I’m some pathetic idiot who needs to be comforted!” And stormed away in tears.
1.) I know that was not good behavior on my part, but it was kind of a breaking point for me. It it was certainly unfair of me to lash out at him when he was coming to me with good intensions.
2.) I was not sad that our friends got engaged, but just having a “feel sorry for myself/why not me” moment.