Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
I have realized there are many things you must accept when getting married. This means accepting that your partner has a condition that will never go away and that this may add stress to your relationship.
I have known since I began dating my FI that he suffers from Epilepsy-suffering from generalized tonic-clonic seizures. At the start of our relationship you would never have guessed that he was suffering from the condition. It wasn’t until about 2 years into our relationship that I witnessed my first seizure. It is a very scary thing if you haven’t seen it happen before. It was caused by a low blood level of his medication that he needs to take 2-3X a day. I know it may not seem like a serious condition to most, but it has impacted his life greatly.
In the past couple years his body chemistry has changed and he isn’t able to tolerate activities he once could. He can’t even have a glass of wine with dinner without it making him feeling jittery like he may have an episode. Since we’ve been together I have spent countless hours in the ER with him by his side while he is treated for having or to prevent a seizure. It is a frightening condition when you begin to think of what it means for your life together.
He isn’t irresponsible with his meds, but sometimes there are factors that influence how his medication is absorbed and its effectiveness. These are things I worry about….what if he is home alone with our future kids and has an episode and is in a sense helpless. He has had to take time off work on days he felt iffy and sometimes his employers don’t understand. There are so many things that I think about, but through it all I know I will continue to be by his side.
Have any of you bees had to deal with something similar? What helped you get through the hard times?
Post # 3
You’re absolutely wonderful for not letting your FI’s illness get in the way of your relationship 🙂
While not as serious, my FI has a lot of back/leg problems, due to a pinch nerve in his spine. He’s had steriod injections and such, but nothing works to get rid of the pain completely. Sometimes while we’re out shopping or running errands, he starts to walk like he’s in pain and had to stop for a bit and lean on his other leg in an awkward position (people must think we’re nuts). He also used to love running, and can’t do it much anymore due to the constant pressure it puts on his back. It’s sad to watch, but I try to do what I can to help him.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you have to deal with something so serious! My husband has bad arthritis in a lot of his joints (including his neck) and it causes him a great deal of pain. He’s missing some muscles in his ankles and it makes life in general very difficult for him. We’ve had days where I literally have to pull him out of bed in the most awkward ways because he can’t physically move without a muscle relaxer. He has to deal with me having really bad endometriosis and the implications of that.
PS i hear that they can train dogs to “feel” when a seizure is coming on and they lay on top fo the human to warn them…i can’t remember where I heard that, but it may be worth looking into
Post # 5
My fiance doesn’t, but I guess I do. I have hyperthyroidism. It’s not really a big deal but I have to take meds for the rest of my life (which I forget to do sometimes and my fiance gets mad at me) and when I don’t take them I can get super mood swinging and hungry lol.
It kind of sucks because it always seems like my bloodwork is out of whack and they can’t get my levels right blah blah, but I am thankful it isn’t something more serious.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
Thanks for the advise @ ejs4y8…he actually has auras that will warn him well before he has a seizure and they give him enough time to at least sit or lay down. He has had it happen before where he had the aura and waited too long to get to a safe place and had a seizure in the mall. That one was scary because he was going to find help and didn’t make it.
Post # 7
My heart goes out to you. My cousin has seizures and the older we get the more she has. This is in part to her hormones changing. When we were kids she fell down and hit her head. Had to have major surgery. Ever since she has the seizures. It is scary to watch and she has had a hard time finding someone to committ to her and her condition. I applaud you and understand the concerns you have. But like you said he knows when they are coming on so if he’s holding a small infant he can put them down and hopefully call someone for help.
Post # 8
my fiance has crohns, but i have migraines so we’re pretty good for each other. we joke that we met at the pharmacy because we’re both always taking so many pills! it’s nice having someone who understands where i’m coming from, but then again it sucks to see the one you love always in pain.
Post # 9
I’m sorry to hear about your fiance’s health problems. One of my cousins has epilepsy, so I know how scary it can be.
My husband has diabetes, so I can sympathize a little while how it feels to watch your partner deal with health challenges. Some of what we do on a daily basis has to include planning for his diabetes. I was really scared when I first found out about his diagnosis, because I didn’t know how this would impact his health and our lifestyle.
As challenging as it has been, I actually think it’s been a positive influence in my life. Because he has to take his health so seriously (and watch his diet carefully), it’s made me more aware of what I eat and when. I think if you can find a way for your fiance’s illness to bring you closer together, that’s the best way.
Post # 10
@honeybunny – I had thyroid cancer about two years ago, and it’s taken that long to get my meds adjusted after having my thyroid removed, so I hear ya! When my meds are off, it’s pretty hard on my FI because I have serious mood swings and go into this depression-like funk. Ugh. We’re so old at 26!
Post # 11
it is a very frustration thing…I am a two time survivor of breast cancer…my FI has never been through the brast cancer issue with me. when we met i had my hair back and the reconstruction work had been done already .
the one thing that the Fi has had to deal with is my back and head injury.. i was involed in a serious car accident causing me a moderate amount of memory issues..and a moderate amount of constant chronic pain in my back. unfortunately he is less than aware of the amoutn i deal with in a daily basis..and it is quite frustraating becasue instead of being conciderate…he is a whiner..he compling about darn near everything an di just cannot stand listening to him complain about his blister of something of that nature!!! especially sinc ei deal with about a 8 of a scale of 10!!
Post # 12
My guy has epiliptic seizures but won’t admit to it. It’s very scary. He had one a year after we met, and it freaked me out. His mom laughed when we told her, I was horrified. But he has gotten them randomly since he was a child and has had all kinds of tests and they could never figure out what it is. And he never wants to go to the ER when it happens because he’s afraid of losing his job….sucky and stressful…..although not as bad as my ex who used to throw up blood and have to get transfused every few months…….God rest him.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery
@ happilywaiting…it is tough to deal with especially if your partner doesn’t wish to seek treatment…I don’t believe all people with epiliptic seizures need to be treated by a doctor after they have one…to a degree it depends on the type they have and the duration. Bad things can happen if they have a seizure that lasts too long. The brain is deprived of oxygen and if they fall during they could have internal bleeding. Another thing that worries me is if he is not going to the doctor is he still driving? This is very serious especially if he doesn’t know what triggers them, he could end up hurting someone or himself in an accident. It surprises me that his mom just laughed about it…I think a lot of people need to learn more about what it means to keep themselves and others safe.
For all you ladies recovering from cancer I am so happy you have gotten through it all. I understand that cancer is a very scary thing and that there is always the iminent fear that it cacn return at any time. Along side my FI having epilepsy he has also been diagnosed and treated for cancer while I have been with him. There were a lot of scary points, but I am grateful that he made it through with minimal treatements (lucky for catching it early). It was not only a disease of the body, but also the mind…even after he recovered he suffered from depression and a bit of anxiety for fear that perhaps the doctors missed something and that the 2% chance of it coming back came true. The big issue was not having health insurance and he went a year without the follow-up body scans and blood work. Luckily early this year he was able to get the scans done and everything came back normal. He is back to his normal self, but sometimes it is still something that lingers in the back of his mind.
Post # 14
I am with you all on the in sickness and in health. I can so relate honeybunny and sminerva21. I had a non functioning thyroid and chose to have it removed and thankfully did because they found cancer. It is terrible trying to get meds right and there are so many things they affect. My fiance is great but with no health insurance and no money we have a hard time getting to the doctors
But I to can sympathize with you on the seizures thing. My fiance has never been diagnosed, but has had three since I was with him even one in the emergency room when I was in there for being sick. The doctors just told him it was because he was tired and hot and his bloodpressure got to low. SO we have never thought much about it, till last weekend, we were at the lake for a church day and we were out swimming and I looked back and he started to turn grey and his eyes filled with panic and he wouldn’t answer me, THANK GOD I took lifeguarding so I got to him and got him on his back and kept him a float till we could get a boat out there to help. That was soooooooooo scary and needless to say activities will be limited. But useually he always knows when they are coming, this is the first time he didn’t. I could have lost him, so I know what you are going through.
Just remember in sickness and in health:)
Post # 15
My husband has cystic fibrosis. This is absolutely the most challenging part of our relationship. We have been married just over 2 years and there have been some very tough times. Luckily, his health is good for someone with CF, but we are both aware of the reality – the median age of survival right now is only 37, but it’s been increasing (was only 18 when he was born, and he’s 29 now) thanks to tons of medical advancements.
Right now most of our challenges are mental… he has been getting depressed a lot lately and I know it is health related, fear of getting worse, etc. It is bad because it means he stops taking care of himself. CF patients typically do anywhere fr.. butom 1 – 4 hours per day of breathing treatments, and right now he does none. This means I always have constant worry about whether his health will start declinging. I’ve learned I can’t nag him, it just doesn’t work. I’m trying to be hopeful though because I finally got him to agree to see a psychiatrist with me… I know we have to address the depression first.
As far as other ways I cope, I’ve been in therapy myself on and off, and it’s a huge help to have someone to talk to about my fears – it’s such a bummer topic that it’s hard to talk to my own friends, since we are young and most people our age don’t think about such heavy stuff day to day. I also do lots of volunteer work with the cystic fibrosis foundation, and have gotten my husband and some friends involved. I find that friends are happy to support us by coming out to charity happy hours 🙂 Oh, and exercise – which is huge as far as CF treatment – my husband has gotten into biking and triathlon, and I just ran my first half marathon last week. When I increase my own exercise, my husband gets inspired and goes out on longer bike rides, etc, when I’m out for long runs. I found this to be really effective for getting him to take care of myself without any nagging on my part 🙂
To everyone else who is dealing with similar issues, hang in there… it sucks, but yeah the vows are in sickness and in health. So many challenges that we face, but hopefully they will make us stronger in the end…
Post # 16
I hate seeing other people go through similar situations. I know it is a fact of life for many, but it doesn’t make it any more “okay”. My fiance is in remission (18 months!) from leukemia – AML. We’ve been together for four year so I was with him during diagnosis and treatment. There is a 40% chance of survival and he has 3.5 years left until he is considered cured. It’s a long way to go but every day is one day closer to being cured.
As far as dealing with it, or any major health issue, I found there is no one right way. He gets really paranoid about being tired and dizzy, which were his symptoms. It’s easier for me to calm his fears than to deal with the side effects of his treatment. Chemo brain is still here and has really impacted his long term memory. I get so frustrated when he can’t remember conversations or even important things to us. But he will remember random things that I love or silly things we’ve done. He also gets frustrated because of the memory loss and the stress. We are trying to find ways to cope with this.
The one thing we keep telling each other, is that we have already been tested with the “through sickness and health” part of future vows. If we can get through this, everything else will be a breeze. Going through major health issues together can either break you or make you stronger. It sounds like it’s made all of you stronger.