Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
This question doesn’t apply to those who have both been married before. But for those of you for whom it’s either your first time, or his first time at the altar, does the other side’s family know about the previous marriage?
This is insanely difficult to type out hypothetically, but for example:
Jane meets John. Jane has been married before, but is now divorced. She does not have children. John has not been married before. Perhaps they’re young enough that no one would assume they’ve ever ‘gone to the chapel’ with anyone else. Jane meet’s John’s parents, siblings, grandparents, and other extended family. Does John’s family need to know that Jane has been previously married? If so, how were they told, and what was the reasoning for their knowing?
For me personally, only his parents know. His mom and I talk a lot when we see each other (she’s great). It’s not that we’ve kept it a secret, but it’s not exactly information that I walk around blabbing about at Thanksgiving or anything. It hasn’t come up, and I guess unless someone asked me directly about it, I wouldn’t mention it. How about you or your SO?
Post # 3
My FI has a son and a daughter, so it wasn’t "have you been married before?" it was "how many times have you been married before?" Tough crowd.
My SIL was an encore bride as well, but again, she had a son, so we all knew.
I don’t think anyone in my family is really judgemental about it except my mom, but since my SIL and nephew are so great, I don’t think she has as much of a problem with it. But (before I ever met FI) my mom did tell me she wondered why my SIL’s previous marriage failed and if it would happen again. Parents!
Post # 4
People just assume we’ve been married before. It’s probably the kid thing! lol! Or the fact I’m 39?
Post # 5
I have a daughter so naturally, it came up. But I keep getting the "Has he been married before?" Um, no… does he have to? Weird.
Post # 6
I’ve been married before (he hasn’t), no kids. It’s not something I keep from people, but it’s kinda disclosed on a "need to know" basis.
Post # 7
He’s been married; I haven’t. It’s not a secret, but we’re not exactly broadcasting it either. If it comes up in conversation with my friends or family, I don’t hide it, but I don’t bring it up. My parents knew him before he was married and then we all lost touch, so they were surprised he had been married in the interim. They’re glad to have him joining our family, divorced or not!
Post # 8
If I’d been married previously, I couldn’t imagine hiding it from future family, that just seems like it’s asking for trouble.
Post # 9
I have kids so it was fairly obvious.
Post # 10
I have a 13 year old daughter so it too was fairly obvious but they love her just as much as they love our 18 month old son.
Post # 11
I got married really young the first time. I am a totally different person. I marked other because I don’t really even know if any of my FIs family knows I was married before or if it really even matters to them. It doesn’t effect our relationship and obviously FI has dealt with it in enough of a way that he is willing to marry me, so I say carry on!
Post # 12
Well, the fact that my grown son and daughter were my attendants–and that my ex-husband gave the blessing over the bread–kind of gave it away. However, at my age (56), I think most people would have assumed it anyway. I think they were more surprised that my wife (41) had never been married.
Post # 13
I just re-read this question and have a new answer to it.
Why would you want to deceive the one you love or his family? I mean, honesty is the main thing in a relationship. It’s the basis for a lifetime of love and happiness.
“Omitting” something so important as a vow of marriage is a big lie imho.
I’d feel like a jerk if I did that to my FI. Trust and honesty is the basis for a relationship. Period.
Post # 14
I don’t think anyone would decieve their fiance (isn’t it on the new marriage license anyway, previous marriages?) but what if you had a brief marriage when you were really young, no kids and the fiance feels that his/her parents wouldn’t approve? is it worth the big fight if people are like that? I understand it’s deceitful but if someone’s in-laws to be would shun them or not attend the wedding b/c of it and you KNOW that I could understand why they’d be inclined to keep it a secret.
Post # 15
I have a son…so the question came up naturally but the answer was ummmm no…
Post # 16
My FI has been married before and I let my family know. HIS family actually thought it would be a problem for me as I have never been married. The way I see it is that since he has done it before, he knows what NOT to do =) His previous marriage helped shape him into the man that he is today. I would never hide it…regardless of what my family may have to say….luckily they know me well enough to know that if they DO have something to say…it better not get back to me.