Weddingbee boards

 Hi Bees, (long post)

 Ok...so I'm not trying to pull a bridezilla and say that my wedding should be on everyone's mind at all time. In fact I don't even have a bridal party to pull a bridezilla moment on. It seems ever since my engagement a year ago I've gotten a very 'blah' reaction from my family and friends. No one has an issue with us at all, we've been together for over 5 years...in fact...I think most of family is wondering why we didn't get married sooner. We got engaged around my 30th birthday last March. Around that time my mother was trying to get my very resistant grandmother into a retirement home. Long story short the whole thing went down, by no choice of my family, on my 30th birthday. Needless to say the only celebration that took place was my FI and I goign out. My mother felt bad and sent a card a month later. Five days after my birthday we were engaged. My FMIL was happy and so was my family of course but my mother has not been emotionally available since they moved my grandmother. Always stressed, always tired and conversations are always complaints about her life. My friends have big things going on in their lives, divorce, baby, job hunting.

My mother decided to plan a shower and my first thought was, OMG, my mother can't find her wallet in her own pocketbook these days. FMIL booked the restaurant but admits to having no party planning skills.  So I'm pretty much planning the majority of the details for the shower myself - I don't think it can get any more faux pas than that.

Today came a moment, although minor, but enough to really make me think, I thought this was supposed to be fun and exciting. Our Save the Dates went out last week and everyone has them. We got a few comments, mostly indirectly through my mother, and people like the cards and our website. Today I hand delievered the Save the Dates to my co-workers. Two of them weren't in yet, my boss being one of them. I put hers clearly on her desk. She came in and sat at her desk for an hour and didn't say anything. I have a good realationship with her so I thought, okay...she's busy hasn't opened it yet. My other co-worker came in, opened it and immediately commented on our photo and then I hear from my boss's office, 'yeah, cute picture' in a tone that was clearly said so she didn't look disengaged for not saying something.

I've always been a shy person who has an open ear for everyone else's issues. I'm not a limelight person but for the first time with the wedding I'm feeling like 'okay...I'll stick my foot there for a little attention' and I feel like it hasn't exactly been what I thought might be.

For those relatives we dont' see often, I'm fine with our wedding just being a date on their calendar but I'm getting this same feeling from even our close friends and family, some of whom have asked me repeatedly, 'what's the date again?' I don't expect people to talk to me non-stop or daily about the wedding - am I expecting too much?

I guess the reason I put a little more excitment into my co-workers reactions was that they know more about the wedding than my mother does. They've seen my dress because I ordered it online and had it shipped to work. They know all my trials and tribulations. My wedding energy 'outlet' seems to be them more than anyone else in my life. Seeing as how my vision of my mother was that she has been emotionally 'removed' from all of this I really never thought that this could be an additional stress on her. I'm not asking her for anything (FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves as well), I didn't even want a shower but I'm sure she feels pressure of tradition to make these things happen and be all things to all people at once.

I definitely think/hope once things get closer things will change and it will become more real to our families and they will want to be more invovled. Sometimes I think maybe I should happy for this when other brides have issues where family is overly involved.