Post # 1
I just got off the phone with my BF a little while ago. I asked him when he thought we might be getting engaged. (Yes, I know I probably shouldn’t have even asked at all but I’m getting frustrated since he’s already missed a few dates that he said it would happen by). So, he told me today that it would happen soon. When I asked what he meant by soon he said 1 to 2 weeks. I then told him that he’s been saying 1 to 2 weeks over and over again for the past two months or so, yet it still hasn’t happened. He says it will happen but that he’s just to “busy” right now to get engaged and that he just doesn’t have time for it right now. He said oh, just let me get the apartment rented out first. (Still trying to get apartment rented out for 2 unit that he recently bought). The thing is, it’s ALWAYS something that he says he has to do first before we can get engaged. I guess because he wants to get all this stressful stuff taken care of first so that we can then just relax and enjoy being engaged. However, there is ALWAYS some new stressful thing that will pop up whether it’s renting out the apartment, doing his taxes, etc. It just really hurts me that he’s using the too busy right now excuse for us not being engaged yet because in the almost three years we’ve been together, he’s ALWAYS got alot going on and I don’t see his busy life slowing down much anytime soon. So, I just think the too busy thing is kind of a lame excuse, especially because it really doesn’t have to take very long at all to go and get a ring and propose to me. I’m just getting sick and tired of getting the feeling that all this other stuff in his life is a bigger priority than getting engaged to me, and I especially don’t like it that he keeps saying it will happen really soon (like in a week or two) but then it never does happen.
I just don’t know what to do ladies. He’s been really, really loving towards me lately, and I love him so much but I’m really starting to wonder if a proposal is ever going to happen because I feel like he just keeps putting off asking me to marry him. He asked me about a month ago to go look at rings with him, and I was thrilled but a month later and we still haven’t gone to do this. He’s having me come up to his house/city this weekend, and I suggested that maybe we could go look at rings this weekend and he says he’s going to be too busy doing his taxes and stuff. It just really hurts me because it seems like every weekend for literally about a year now I get my hopes up and think maybe this will be the weekend he’ll ask me to go look at rings with him or maybe even propose, yet it never happens.
Guess I just felt like venting to some people that I know can relate at least somewhat to what I’m going through.
Post # 3
::hugs:: I know how you feel!
Start keeping yourself extra busy (a la Mr. Bee) – that is what has been helping me. I have made plans to visit out of town friends, have been working out a ton and started reading again. I may even start volunteering on weekends too!
It also sounds like he is trying to throw you off and find a time to surprise you!
Post # 4
I feel like he’s just pushing you aside, based on all your posts–that perhaps he’s just stalling instead of being honest and telling you he isn’t ready/doesn’t want to get engaged. You’re always upset he hasn’t proposed yet, he doesn’t come visit, makes excuses, and brushes you off…I’d probably drop ALL the ring talk (you bring it up, he shoots it down–what does that tell ya?) and forget about the engagement and just try to be happy BEING with him. And if you can’t be happy without a ring on your finger, have a SERIOUS talk about it. I just feel like you are SO upset without the engagement being here that it’s taking over your life and probably overwhelming your SO.
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice ladies.
Speechie, I have been trying to implement Mr. Bee’s plan a bit more. One thing I’ve done recently is to join a choir in my area since I used to really enjoy singing. So, trying to kind of “rediscover” myself and get back to doing things that I know make me happy that have absolutely nothing to do with my BF.
ejs-Things seem to be getting better now in regards to how often he’s coming to see me. He told me last weekend that he’d come pick me up Saturday afternoon and bring me back to his house for the weekend, and he actually did follow through with that and we had a nice weekend together. We plan on spending this weekend together as well. I guess I probably really should drop ALL the ring talk. It’s just hard not to feel bummed out and even somewhat resentful that he does stuff like ask me to go look at rings but then a month later still hasn’t taken me to do this. It’s like, if he wasn’t really serious about taking me to look at rings, then why in the world invite me to do this in the first place?? I mean, he had to have realized how thrilled and excited I’d be when he first asked me to do this. He says one reason he hasn’t taken me yet to look at rings is that he’s still trying to decide whether or not he wants to take me to look at rings or just surprise me with one. I’ve told him that either way is totally fine with me.
Post # 6
Just keep trying to be a busy bee! I know its rough believe me lol. There is never a perfect time to engaged IMO. I hope he realizes that soon!!
Post # 7
I second ejs’s sentiments.. be sure that you’re happy just being with him. it sounds like things are strained – be sure that everything is good, as is, before talking about rings and engagement. BE SURE! And honestly, if you can just be a happy woman with a happy boyfriend, things will probably move along. If you continue to focus on the engagement, no one is happy.
Post # 8
I’m new in the site but just read some of your posts and they really concerned me, since you said you have been a little bit down lately, just wanted to know how things were going and if you’re doing ok.
I don’t want to judge without knowing enough but from some of your posts it seems that your BF doesn’t give you reasons to trust his promises and the relationship doesn’t let you have peace… do you think that getting engaged would change the way he has been behaving? I’m not saying it won’t, just asking you to please think about it before you commit to someone, you have to be 100% he’s the one that will make you happy and help you be well.
Post # 9
Fuschia, melissa & cherry,
Thanks to you ladies as well for your input. I really appreciate it.