Post # 1
So bit of a weird one – my parents are obsessed with their dog and constantly tell me it’s too nervous to ever be separated from them. My mum recently suggested to me that their dog be the ring bearer at my wedding, to which I made clear would never happen! But I have a friend who’s a dog sitter and I said I’d pay for her to be looked after for the day. Now my brother tells me that they’re intending to bring the dog but leave it in the car at the venue and keep going out to take it for walks etc.
Just want to canvass opinion on this one before I talk to them – am I being unreasonable to say I don’t want that to happen? I love animals too but I think I’ve offered a reasonable alternative, and I want to be centre of their attention that day. Also, I know my parents won’t be able to resist bringing the dog close to the garden where the drinks reception will be happening and will then want to ‘introduce’ the dog to everyone / talk about it incessantly (as they already do – they’re obsessed with it, like it’s a small child!).
Post # 2
rad2017 : I’m not sure what region you’re in, but where I live, dogs DIE in cars from heat stroke (even when it doesn’t feel that hot). I would absolutely never leave my dog unattended in the car for more than a few minutes; I can’t imagine leaving it in there for hours for your wedding. Aside from endangering the animal, why don’t you tell them animals are not permitted at the venue?
Post # 3
Omg, No! If the dog has separation issues it will do much better being in his home with a dog sitter. Dogs tend to panic when left alone in a car. This is much more cruel in my opinion. Let the dog meet the sitter a few times and leave him at home. He will be okay.
Post # 4
rad2017 : That doesn’t sound like a safe solution for the dog or a considerate solution for you.
Check with your venue–you don’t want your parents calling to ask about their dog policy only to find out it’s allowed–and if if they don’t allow animals tell them you’re afraid the venue could call the police and the dog would be taken to the pound.
Post # 5
Man, I love my dogs like your parent’s love theirs but that is why it’s even MORE important to me to find the appropriate accomodations for them. I live in Alaska and still don’t leave my dogs in the car outside! Also, most dogs won’t do well at weddings with 100+ people at them. All the no! I vote dogsitter that meets the dogs a few times prior to the event.
Post # 6
Omg. My FSIL wanted to do this too. I’m glad I’m not alone.
It’s not unreasonable at all to not want the dog there. That’s just inappropriate. I hope they take you up on your offer about getting them a dog sitter. That seems like a much better situation than keeping it in their car.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
rad2017 : So the dog doesn’t get separation anxiety by himself in a car?? I would talk to them and let them know that leaving the dog in the car is not ok, regardles of the weather. Then mention that you want them to have a stress-free/responsiblity-free evening and that you are more than happy to pay for the dogsitter who comes highly recommended.
Post # 8
rad2017 : Uhhhh I would let the dog be the ringbearer if it meant saving it from being left in the car. That’s unacceptable to me…like dogs DIE that way, just like a kid would. So because of my love for animals I would do what I needed to ensure that didn’t happen.
But I think a reasonable alternative, if you can convince them, is yes to hire a dog sitter to watch the dog. If he can’t be separated from them ever, then it’s definitely going to stress him to leave him alone in an unfamiliar place. If he at least has his home surroundings, then he should be fine with the sitter. She could even come over a few times prior, just to get him acclimated.
Do these people ever leave the house together? Surely the dog has been without them at SOME point.
Post # 9
Stand your ground, this is absurd. They shouldn’t bring the dog to keep it locked up in a car, or to go against your wishes and parade it around in the ceremony.
Post # 10
Our dog was in our wedding, but was taken home by my MOH’s babysitter. She picked up my MOH’s kids (RB & FG) after photos as well as our dog and took them all home.
Your family needs to come up with an alternate plan for their dogs.
Post # 11
My in laws did this. We basically just eloped on the beach so it wasn’t a huge deal during the wedding. But we went to a restaurant in place of a traditional reception, but it was 90 degrees outside so they couldn’t leave the dog in the car. They tried to sneak their dog into the restaurant in a zipped up dog stroller with a blanket over it!!! So we’re sitting in the restaurant and the dog started freaking out and howling (because duh, he was in a new place and scared because he couldn’t see anything). We were asked to remove the dog from the premises, so after that my in laws all took turns going out to watch the dog in the car, meaning the entire family was never together. It was utterly ridiculous, and everyone in the restaurant was of course staring at me, the girl in the wedding dress who tried to sneak a dog into a restaurant!
Honestly, I would just let your parents bring the dog at this point. Leaving it in the car alone is not acceptable. If they’re being this stubborn and can’t simply hire a dog walker, I think the easiest thing for you to do is give in and let it be there. Get her a cute little fancy collar or bandana and make the best of it. Pick your battles. If this is a battle you feel is worth picking, you should insist that they hire a dog walker and tell them the dog is not allowed at your wedding. Good luck.
Post # 12
Thanks all – glad you agree it’s absurd. And yes, cruel to leave a dog in a car. That’s a very good point to raise with them. I’m in the U.K. but despite the temperamental weather our wedding is in June so it’s likely to be warm! At least it’s not until next year so I’ve got a while to work this out.
As parents go, they are quite mad. Over the last couple of months my dad has had two major seizures and on both occasions my mum has had to call an ambulance but didn’t go with my dad to the hospital because she ‘couldn’t leave the dog’!! Bearing in mind that my dad was unconscious, fitting and foaming at the mouth (i.e it could have been life threatening for all she knew) I found it ludicrous that she didn’t go because of the dog. I drove up from my place (2.5 hours away) and picked her up for visiting hours & she wanted to take the dog to the hospital and us take it in turns to sit with her in the car while the other went into the hospital. I put my foot down & said she’d have to leave her at home & of course she was absolutely fine for the two hours she was alone (the hospital is 5 miles away!)
Post # 13
lovelyruby : Wow that sounds awful!!
Post # 14
rad2017 : oh yikes, she does realize that dogs have somehow survived thousands of years without constant human supervision, right?
I love my dogs and cats, and our house is very pet-centric. But I know it’s not appropriate to bring them everywhere, and I know they’ll make it if we have to leave them home alone for the day.
Post # 15
Oh wow, they sound absolutely insane about the dog! Your dogsitter offer is a very good and generous plan. You did manage to put your foot down about taking the dog to the hospital, so there is at least a chance that you can do the same here, right? Your parents planning on constantly leaving their daughter’s wedding ceremony for the dog is unbelievable. You should be very firm on this one. It might help if your friend could come over and meet the dog beforehand so your parents don’t feel they’re leaving it with a stranger?