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You are only getting ready at your parents house? Not staying there the entire week? It sounds like this is less about the dog and more about issues you have with your family member. A dog is not going to steal your thunder and if you are concerned about your dress, just make it clear that he isn't to be anywhere near you or your dress when you are getting ready. I have to be honest, I don't see any reason why they should spend money on a kennel when they can bring the dog to your parents house. Its not your house and your parents seem to be fine with it. Maybe you can have a talk with your family and let them know your concerns about the dress, etc. But honestly, no dog is going to take away attention from a bride, so I would take a deep breath and relax.
I appreciate your honesty. I guess I'm most frustrated about their unwillingness to compromise. I kenneled my dog for Sis' wedding to keep the peace. I'm kenneling both our dogs for my own wedding to avoid logistical problems and to not have a literal three dog circus at my parents house. It just doesn't seem to matter to anyone what I want and the lengths I've gone to to make them happy. Wish they'd go to some lengths to keep me happy for my wedding.
But thanks for your input, I'm really trying not to be Bridezilla about it. Just shared what I would like to happen and then came on here to vent!!
I can see why the inconsistency is really, really frustrating.
As far as logistics, can you ask that the dog be kept outside, or restricted to a particular part of the house during your getting ready process? We use retractable gates to keep our very affectionate (and thus, very jumpy) terrier confined upstairs when meeting new guests.
It does seem, though, that this has much more to do with your feeling left-out and pushed aside by your family than it does with a canine guest.
Edited to add: Have you and your family been disagreeing over other parts of the wedding? Dates? Bridemaids? Etc?
I'd be angy at the double-standard too. But I think that you need to breathe. The easiest solution if you're worried about the dog getting in the way, is to pen it up in another room.
Plus, there is no reason you should kennel your dogs if they are not doing the same. Dont waste the money.
I agree that this seems like its more about family problems than dog problems, though.
Is it possible that your sister can't afford to kennel the dog? I would wait until you calm down a bit and then see if you can have a discussion with them and let them know your concerns. There might be a compromise here after all. Good luck!
My sister is an attorney in Boston and BIL is a business consultant for a large company. Honestly I don't know what they make, but I know that they give very generous Christmas presents and take very expensive vacations. I sincerely don't think money is an issue.
The wedding is January 2, so there won't be an option to leave him outside. My parents also don't have baby gates or anything to keep him penned up, although I suppose a closed door would work just fine.
It's more that if the dog is around Sis and BIL will be fawning over the dog (they're obsessed) and less attentive to what still needs to be done. Especially the day of the rehearsal which will require a lot of set up.
Thanks for the kind words everyone!!
OMG yes, we fight about everything. I HAD to fly to Boston under penalty of death to watch my sis try on wedding dresses. Meanwhile Mom didn't even say anything to her about coming to help me find my dress. I had to help for days to set up two of sis' showers because it was 'the siterly thing to do.' Meanwhile, sis showed up ten minutes before my shower and didn't help at all. I had to fly to Boston so that she could try on bridesmaids dresses, because Mom didn't think it was fair to make her come here...it goes on and on. Story of my wedding life lol!! :)
I'm so sorry about everything fraggle! Yes, it is hard being the middle child!
Out of curiosity, how much of an age difference is there between you and your sister? Are you guys scattered all over the country?
This might be an added expense, but can you get a hotel room for the week of the wedding instead of staying at your parents? I don't blame you for not wanting the dog around, especially after what happened at your sisters wedding, and even suggesting that you're going to get a hotel room to "keep the peace" might be enough to get them to back off.
Yea I really dont think that this is about the dog. This is about your mom/dad not taking your wedding as seriously as your sisters', and about treating your FH different than your BIL. Those are both super valid issues and you should have a talk with your parents about them.
wooow soooo hyprocrytical, have you spoken to your sis about it? What about going through your BIL. I would be just as infurated as you if I were in this situaiton, try and stick to your guns!!
I think you have every right to be upset about this. I would talk to your parents again. I also think the suggestion of a nearby hotel room is sound and valid. That is probably what I would do.
i promise you the dog won't steal everyone's attention. it's your day, and i'm sure everybody will be excited for you and know that. maybe they just don't feel comfortable keeping the dog in a kennel or having someone else watch him. i know my fi does everything in his power to have our dog with us at all times, the only people who have dog sat are his parents. i would just make it very clear that you're worried about getting your dress dirty while getting ready, and keep the dog in another room or keep the door closed to the room you're in.
Oh fraggle (((HUGS)))
Ok, I'm going to say stick to your guns. As so many people have pointed out, this is not wedding related and is more of a family issue. So let's get the bridezilla label out of the way because this issue is above and beyond your wedding.
I know how frustrating it is. FI is the middle child and it saddens me to see him the short stick about everything and anything. Try and talk to them again.
Thank you so much everyone. It really helps my sanity to know that even complete strangers see that there is something wrong here. It's just so frustrating!!
To answer some questions:
My parents, Bro and I live in Ohio; Sis & BIL live in Boston. My sister is 15 months older than I am and got married last September. My brother is 3 years younger than I am.
I do think there is something about me being a middle child that always makes me want to take the simple route and compromise. It's almost like I've been programed that way by my parents always telling me that I'm the difficult one. I've been so relaxed about everything and not complained about any of the different treatment I've been getting (mostly by my mom) that I think I just couldn't take it anymore when it came to the dog. Kenneling the dog (even for like 2 days!!) seemed like such a simple thing for them to do, and nobody wanted to compromise with me, which hurt. Makes me feel like the sacrifices I've made to keep the peace have gone absolutely unnoticed. All of you who said this is a deeper family issue are right, it's more that my mom kills herself to make my sister happy. I always just take it, but for my wedding it just seems like I shouldn't have to. Such a bummer...
Ladies-
Just wanted to update everyone that I talked to my sister. She is willing to leave the dog in Boston even, which I told her was unnecessary. We decided that he should go to the kennel here before the rehearsal and they will pick him up after the wedding. She was entirely reasonable and understanding. Cutting Mom out of the picture was really the way to go.
THANK YOU for your suggestions and support :)
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So about a month ago, my mother tells me that my sister and BIL are bringing their dog to my parents house (they're staying there) for the week of the wedding. This upsets me for a number of reasons:
1) When Sis got married last year, I was told I was "selfish and insensitive" for wanting to bring my dog the week of her wedding (to my parent's mountain house where we all stayed).
2) Dad, Brother and BIL really hurt FH's feelings by not inviting him to do anything the weekend of my shower because they went to buy Sis and BIL's puppy then. Meanwhile the weekend of Sis' shower, Dad and Brother took BIL golfing twice. Mom did nothing to reprimand them for stealing the show or leaving FH out. Meanwhile she would have KILLED me if I had pulled that stunt.
3) I don't want the dog stealing the show, or getting into things at my parents' which is where I'll be getting ready. God forbid I get paw prints on my dress or it pees somewhere.
4) We're sending our two dogs to the kennel for the week of the wedding to simplify things, so I see no reason why they can't send theirs!!!
I tell my mother all of the above reasons and added some logistical problems (who lets the dog out during the 5ish hours of the rehearsal and dinner?) but she doesn't want to hear it. Mom is telling me it's 'my problem' for not wanting their dog around and I'm being selfish. How can that be when at Sis' wedding it was 'my problem' for wanting to bring my dog??? The hypocrasy of it all just SLAYS me.
You may be able to tell that I'm a middle child, and am constantly told that I 'have the problem.' I just feel like for once, please let me be the center of attention. It's my wedding for the love of God!!!