Dog/Cat Integration Stressing Me Out.

posted 3 years ago in Pets
Post # 3
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@sbottiani:  Sorry this is makin you nuts, I HATE people that can’t leave their freakin pets at home….I leave my boys at home…why can’t you?

Sooner or later, someone decides that they’ll just bring the dog, and its going to be great, and all the dogs will play together and wear each other out and the cat…well, fuck her.

I always give the dog the benefit of the doubt, and admit them into the house on a trial basis…but if it pisses or shits anywhere…it’s out, if it starts a fight with my dogs, it’s out and if it tangles with the cat…I let her fuck the dog up, and then its out….we also have whats become lovingly known as “The Boo Box”

What it actually is, is a dog crate, but its not for my dogs, they don’t need to be crated…but if we’ve got a guest dog that is creating a nuisance for the animals that actually LIVE in our house…you guessed it…they get to rock out in The Boo Box, because no guest, animal or man, is allowed make a mess of things under my roof.

I’d let your sister bring the dog, but I would remind her that this is a cat’s house, and her dog is not to run amok inside of it, it will upset and aggitate the cat….so if she’s willing to keep that dog at her side the entire night, fine..if not, leave the animal at home, your cat deserves a holiday too.



Post # 4
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I think your cat would benefit from being exposed to dogs, but it sounds like you are “introducing” them in completely the wrong way. If you look online, you will see that new animal should be quarantined inside a spare room for a period of time before a face to face meeting, in order to get the original animal used to the smell of the intruder.

In this scenario, your cat is the original animal, and the dog is the intruder… so the dog is the one who needs to be locked in a secure space for the duration of the visit. Even if your sister wants to bring the dog… does it really need to roam free throughout the house? My brother’s dog is only allowed inside my father’s kitchen, laundry room, and study, when it comes over. It is not allowed to set a single paw anywhere else.

You do not say whether your cat is indoor only or not… as you are presumably American, I suspect the answer is that she is indoor only. Indoor only cats suffer more from stress related problems in general, but especially when confronted with newcomers. What stress management techniques are you currently using in your household? Feliway? Calmex?

Post # 5
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@sbottiani:  Honestly, go back and find your balls (Smile) and tell your sister to leave her dog at home. You’re absolutely not overreacting. The only time a friend or relative has ever brought a dog into my home was when I specifically invited the animal over. I don’t agree that you should just let your sister bring the dog. There’s no need! She’s not staying overnight. It’s inconsiderate to ask YOUR pet to be uncomfortable in YOUR (and your cats!) home just to accomodate her dog.

You shouldn’t have to worry about the way the animals are being introduced- when you find that you’re interested in adopting your own dog- you will handle the introductions appropriately, I’m sure.

Perhaps you could find a polite way to bring this up with your sister. “I intend to get a dog in the future, and I fear these introductions with your dog are only harmful to her and only going to cause fear when it comes to dogs, because we don’t have the time or capacity to do an appropriate introduction. I’m not comfortable with you bringing your dog over while we celebrate Christmas. I want to be able to relax and enjoy everyone’s company without worrying about how terrified and upset the cat is. I’m not saying your dog is never welcome in our home again. The holidays are just a stressful time and I’d be more comfortable if you crated your dog at home instead of bringing him.”

I had my cat for 3.5 years before she ever met a dog. We did a slow introduction, let them smell each other through the doors, eventually the dog was in a crate and the cat could see the dog without fear of the dog chasing her, etc. A year later, the dog and cat are still not best friends, but I think if she had been terrorized by a dog beforehand, it would have been a much more difficult integration process.

Do what’s going to make YOU happy for the holiday. It is your home.

(P.S. I’m totally in love with my cat- moreso than my dog- so maybe I’m biased… but I still think it’s good advice!)


Post # 6
3202 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@sbottiani:  People are freaks about their dogs (and I *love* dogs! I just don’t love people, lol). Once I got in a huge (like, 6 week long) fight with my dad because he and his stepmom wanted to bring their two pit bulls up to stay in our apartment, with our two cats, and refused to bring any kind of dog crate or anything like that. I told them they could either leave the dogs at home or stay in a hotel, haha.

I think that if she wants to bring the dog, she has to agree to its being confined in some kind of small room–but you’re perfectly within your rights just to say no.

Basically, my thoughts are, it’s your house, so your rules. I hate how people feel like they are such special snowflakes that you need to rearrange your life for them.

Post # 9
6977 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Personally I’d just tell her no. It’s your house, your kitty shouldn’t have to be scared and you shouldn’t have to be stressed about the whole situation. I have two dogs myself but it drives me nuts when people think they are entitled to bring their dog everywhere, especially if it’s rude to the resident animals.

Post # 10
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

My advice is to talk to her and tell her that you love her, and you love her dog, but that it really makes the situation stressful for you and not just your cat either.  Does she have anyone who can take care of her dog?  Can it hang out at your mom’s with her dog?  Do you have a screened porch you can put a heater on?  I think you really need to talk it out.

Post # 11
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Honestly, if you don’t want a dog in your house, you have every right to tell her to make other arrangements.  It’s not your problem that she can’t leave it at home.  She adopted the dog; it’s her responsibility, completely and fully.

If you’re not as blunt as me ;), then I would ask her to keep the dog crated or tell her he/she needs to stay in a contained area.  Maybe she can bring baby gates or something to serve as a partition so the dog can’t run rampant throughout the house.  

Post # 13
442 posts
Helper bee

This is off topic…but I’m genuinely curious as to what kinds of restaurants and inside meeting places your sister goes that are dog friendly. I don’t know where you are, but where I am animals aren’t really allowed anywhere unless it’s a pet store or it’s a service animal. I’ve never ever seen a pet inside a restaurant.

Post # 15
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@sbottiani:  Well in that case I either think you have to tell her no, or restrict the dog to one room. PPs suggest baby gates, but I think that if she has already had a negative experience with the dog then she shouldn’t be able to see it at all…, only smell it, and get used to the smell, if you want to go down that route.

It’s really daft of your sister to expect to just plonk two intelligent mammals side by side and expect them to “work it out”. That seldom happens without a lot of human intervention. She clearly doesn’t know very much about cats.

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