(Closed) Do/Have You Believed Your S.O. Would 'Improve' After Getting Married?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Believe/Believed that he (or she) will or would change?
    I *do* believe that my S.O. will change after the wedding. : (7 votes)
    4 %
    I *used* to think he/she would change, and was proven wrong. : (9 votes)
    6 %
    I don't believe he/she will change at all after the wedding. : (127 votes)
    81 %
    My S.O. has already started changing and we're not married yet. : (13 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6316 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I don’t believe he will change, nor do I want him to.

    If I wanted him to change for the better, or believed he might change for the worse, I wouldn’t be marrying him. As it is, we have been together for over 7 years already and I really don’t believe marriage will bring any changes to us or are relationship in and of itself; though of course people change as the years progress so that’s always possible.

    Post # 4
    Member
    209 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My fiance has changed a lot since we started dating four years ago. However, I don’t think it’s because we got engaged or are getting married.  I think it’s just part of getting older & becoming more mature. Our priorities have changed.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1710 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

    I think everyone changes over time…not necessarily “improve.”  I don’t think I can change him; he would have to do that on his own.  I know we want the best for each other and encourage each other to do well for ourselves, whether it be at work or with our health.  Ultimately, each person is responsible for “getting better.”  

    Post # 6
    Member
    2188 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2024

    I used to think my ex husband would change but he didn’t at all, just got worse and more of an asshole. You can’t change people and shouldn’t try unless they WANT to change.

     

    I would change nothing about my current SO and hope he never changes, perfect as he is! Kiss

    Post # 7
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t think it’s right to try and change a person. Perhaps to help encourage positive changes that the person wants to make – i.e., my SO and I are both working toward being healthier and I try to help him make better choices and stick to his goals. But I’d never make him change or expect him to because he is who he is, and that’s why I love him.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2183 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

    We’ve both changed a lot in the seven years we’ve been together. By the time we got married, I didn’t want him to change anymore. In fact, I wanted things to stay the same!

    Much to my dismay, growing and changing is a part of life that we can neither run from nor force. It happens. I chose my husband years ago, and I’ll choose him each day for the rest of my life… even if stuff changes.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4284 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I didn’t think my DH would change nor did I want him to. Though we have grown closer since getting married, which is so strange since we’ve been together almost 6 years and married just over 6 months 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Pffshh. No. He’s changed since I met him though. He responds to logic, and I logic’d the he** out of him on some things until he saw them differently. lol. Which I’m kinda proud of, because arguing/winning with a honor’s (and stubborn) grad lawyer isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Especially with a measly B.A. in art… haha. He’s definitely proven (so far) to be my biggest challenge in the “This Makes Sense And Is Correct Because…” discussions. haha. We go back and forth. He’s less stubborn now, at least with me, because I’ve ended up being right many times as well… so he listens much more and assumes now that what I say will make sense. Sometimes I fail though. lol

    But yeah, nobody will change unless they want to. Or if they do, it’s not actually changing… it’s just faking. That’s why finding a really empathtic/caring guy is pretty darn important, IMO. Like if you dislike something, he wants to make you happy, and therefore will want to change whatever it is that’s bugging you so you’ll be happy, and then he’ll also be happier. 

    My mom has always preached “if you want to change a guy you have to do it before you marry them, because they’ll never change after that!” … I was like… really, you can’t change him ever if he doesn’t want to change… he’s just more willing to fake it to win you over; that doesn’t count. lol

    Post # 11
    Member
    9396 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think you should marry someone you want to “improve.”  However, I do think all people will change somewhat over time (on their own)

    Post # 12
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Yes, and no. My FI and me have already made a commitment to one another (and will reinforce this at our ceremony) to continually try to change for the better. We have proven this is our intent many times over and each work on improving ourselves.

    So, the literal answer to your question is “yes.” But do I think its because of marriage, or is that why I’m marrying him? No.

     

    E. For example, he has changed many of his responses to dealing with anger during our arguments. I have worked (ha) to moderate my drive to over-work myself and am working on my responses to stress/anxiety. We haven’t tried to change one another as far as interests go, etc..

    Post # 13
    Member
    8464 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think someone changing and marraige are two separate things.  It’s like saying, “do you think wearing a dress will make my hair blonde?”  The two have nothing to do with one another.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4415 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Expecting a man to change after marriage is like expecting a red sweater to become blue after you buy it.  🙂   Ain’t gonna happen.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    11753 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    many past relationships taught me the very important life lesson that nothing will change a man’s behavior – not you, not getting married, nothing.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I don’t expect him to change, and I don’t want him to change. He’s pretty great how he is

    The topic ‘Do/Have You Believed Your S.O. Would 'Improve' After Getting Married?’ is closed to new replies.

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