Post # 1
Hello bees! I am a long time lurker and finally joined!
I’m just wondering if anyone can offer me some advice (or at least let me know I’m not alone) in dealing with a lack of support? I always imagined my wedding being surrounded by tons of friends and family, but life circumstances are making that difficult. I grew up moving around a ton, so I don’t have many friends that I’ve known for very long. In college I made lots of friends, but after graduation we all sort of scattered around the world. I’m new to my area and making friends but don’t know anyone well enough to ask them to be a part of my bridal party. Of those in my bridal party, I have my 2 brothers, my sister, and my best friend, all of whom are nowhere near close to me. I wish I had a few more women to talk to and lean on. Watching Mama Mia makes me wish for that kind of sisterhood haha.
Furthermore, I’m the first of my friends to get married (I’m 22) and I know they have a hard time being excited about a wedding when they’re still so career-driven and individualistic. I know a majority of the people I know feel I should be off finding the cure to cancer or starting my own business instead of getting married, but what can you do? I’ve made up my mind to make my partner and my career priorities in my life. My FH actually had to confront his own mom about not seeming excited at all when he asked for her support in asking me to marry him. This is just not the way I expected getting engaged to feel. Full disclosure, I’m still waiting for an official proposal, but our families are fully aware that it is coming within the next couple of months. Maybe it will be different once it’s official? I’m hoping so.
Anyway, anyone else planning a wedding and feeling alone?
Post # 3
@chickspartan: Welcome to the bee, and we are now your sisterhood!! I can relate to what you are feeling – my Best Woman lives far away, so isn’t involved in planning other than very supportive emails and calls, and my mom has ZERO interest in wedding planning. Oh, and there are no bridesmaids. lol My FI has been helping me plan, which helps a lot.
We’re here for you!! You won’t feel alone with us bees buzzing around you!!!!
Post # 4
We don’t have a bridal party (by choice, very small wedding) so I have done everything by myself. It’s been pretty stressful at times so I’ve been sure to ask for help when I have really needed it and I did as much as I could at the beginning of the planning process to make sure I wouldn’t be totally frazzled at the end. Unfortunately, my work has gone crazy busy and I’ve been pulling off ~70 hour weeks for the past few weeks and will have to do that next week too (my wedding is next Sunday). So, the stress has taken over a little.
Having said that, it is doable if you give yourself enough time. The Bee is very helpful and we are all here for you 🙂 And, congratulations!
Post # 5
Totally understand how you feel, pretty much alone in wedding planning here, too.
I wanted my mother to be involved but she wasn’t very supportive, so I just started excluding her.
If you ever need any help, you can always come to the bee!
Post # 6
@chickspartan: Once the offical proposal happens people likely will take you more seriously and hopefully rally around you more and be happy for you
that being said sometimes people don’t feel like being happy for others (i have had a few ppl try and rain on me don’t let it get you down)
but ya hopefully people will see how happy you are and follow suit
Post # 7
@chickspartan: Although I have wonderfully supportive family and friends, ALL of my family lived at least four hours from where I did, and only two adult members of our bridal party lived in the same general geographic area as I. Moreover, my DH and all of his family and friends also lived at least several hours away.
I planned my wedding almost entirely by myself. My DH is a pastor, so I asked him to plan out the ceremony itself (which he really wanted to do), and we worked together to choose things such as the hotels for our guests, the type of favors we wanted, and our unity-sand kit. However, just about every other detail was something that I handled alone.
Although there may be some brides who are surrounded by tons of family and friends when planning their weddings and have a lot of help with shopping for dresses and doing DIY projects, that definitely is not the case for everyone. You can still have a great time planning your big day!
Post # 8
@chickspartan: I’m totally with you and actually had a minor meltdown about this today.
I’m not having a bridal party and my best friend is getting married next week so she’s been a bit occupied. I don’t have any sisters and I don’t have a relationship with my Mom so there’s not much on my side, they also are over an hours drive away.
My FI’s family are here in town and his parents want to be involved but have been so negative about our choices it’s been bumming me out and today I snapped back and everyone was upset but I just wanted someone to say something nice for once!
FI is very supportive but had been busy at work up until recently so I had been doing the bulk of this on my own. He wasn’t happy I snapped at his parents but understands why and he will talk to them to help set some ground rules on how we will do this together.
Sorry for rambling, but yes some of us do it on our own and sometimes help is not what it’s cracked up to be!
Post # 9
@chickspartan: I can completely relate! I had plenty of close friends in high school and college but fell out of touch with everyone once I graduated. I’ve since moved across the country to AZ and have no friends or family here. Both our families are super supportive but there’s really not much they can do to help when they’re almost 3,000 miles away. I’m very lucky to have my sister and his two sisters to be my bridesmaids otherwise I probably wouldn’t have a bridal party at all.
But I say don’t let that get you down! Planning a wedding with your FI is just as fun and if you can afford it you can always get a wedding planner to help. We decided to do that because we really don’t know the area that well and I wanted someone to help me with planning the girly stuff (accessories, dresses, flowers, etc.). My FI is just not that helpful when it comes to that sorta stuff 😛
Post # 10
Do you have any close friends at work?? I know I’ve helped support a few friends through the wedding planning process.
Post # 11
@chickspartan: I can relate. I have been doing it all myself. I have two bridesmaids, one has been MIA for a while, the other just got married herself, so I haven’t had any help. My family wasn’t terribly supportive either and they have only recently come around, which I’m grateful for, but with 4 months to go, I’m feeling the pressure of having so many tasks left to complete alone.
My FH has helped where he can, but I’ve had to give up on making my paper flowers because I have carpal tunnel in both hands and I can’t come home from my externship at a pharmacy (where I’m constantly using my hands) and then spend a few hours folding paper.
Post # 12
@chickspartan: We (my then fiance and I) did pretty well all the wedding planning. Our famly members and bridal party were each busy with their own career / university / new family.
I think movies can give a false impression, and in fact this situation (bride + groom pretty well planning it all) is more common than you realise. So long as your fiance is on board and helping, it will all work out!
Post # 13
I really appreciate all of the support guys! Planning on my own will be a feat but I’ll be proud once it’s done. I suppose the main thing that bums me out is not having anyone for a bachelorette party or bridesmaids, but I’ll have to make due.
Post # 14
@chickspartan: Aww, sorry to hear that you’re without a support system, but don’t worry, we are all here, whatever you need! 🙂 Hugs!
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Maybe it would help you to think about what, exactly, you want in terms of “support” and then ask yourself where you can get that. I say this because I think many brides have ideas about how wedding planning “should” be, and those ideas just don’t match with reality. Maybe it’s because of what is portrayed in the media or fantasies people develop over the years? I don’t really know for sure. But it may be a good idea to turn off all of those ideas of what it “should” be and really ask yourself what you actually need. You may be surprised that you are more independent and self-assured than you give yourself credit for. Maybe you want opinions on flowers. Ask the hive. We can do that. But maybe what you really need is a hug. Your SO may be in the best position to give that sort of support. So, figure out what “support” you truly need and develop a strategy to get it. Good luck!
Post # 16
@chickspartan: You could still throw yourself a fabulous dinner party with friends, or do a camping trip or something. Not having a bridal party means not having to deal with any drama too 🙂