- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Things have been pretty crazy in the past few weeks!
First, we decided NOT to get married in Chicago (where I am from and Fiance had lived for 10+years) and have our wedding here in Texas. We did this to save money and frustration.
We then decided to get married on a cruise, but after some research we found that to be a real pain in the butt (you get married before you leave port! What a headache!), so we decided on a vow renewal on the cruise. The only stipulation of the vow renewal is that you have to actually be married, so we planned a very small, family only ceremony. We planned to have a “reception” at our house the Saturday before the cruise as a send off, and it would just involve our in-town friends, a keg of beer, some BBQ, very casual like.
Future Mother-In-Law decided that she was going to throw the reception right after the wedding. OK, fine, we will do that. I picked a resturant that doesn’t hold many people on purpose. We picked a date, secured it, and sent out invites quickly. It’s May now, the wedding is August 3rd, and many people are from out of town. Fiance decided he was going to invite ALL of his friends (I pared my list down to 40, including all of our mutual friends), adding another 50 people. I vetoed a lot of “plus one”‘s and made it clear on our website that kids aren’t invited to the reception.
Then my Future Mother-In-Law takes it upon herself to order 50 more invites to send to their friends… I gave up at this point. We are inviting a LOT of people to a low key even in a tiny resturant. Yeah, most people probably won’t show up, but what’s the back up when the YES’s start to roll in? Well, I’m not paying for the reception, so I don’t really care. She made her bed, she can lay in it.
Future Mother-In-Law is very generous in sending us a $2,000 check. The problem? She calls it a “wedding gift”, we plan to spend the money on photography, our vow renewals, my dress, his passport, but then when she is told we aren’t getting flowers for the ceremony site (already a very beautiful outdoor space) or a $500 cake/coffee service, she flips and says “That is what the money was for!” What the what? I wasn’t told this until AFTER we make these purchases. When something is called a gift without stipulation, you figure it’s yours to do what you wish, right?
So, I plan on doing a coffee/cake thing, but having my bridesmaids set it up, saving us $400 on that. Future Mother-In-Law is VERY against this idea, saying that is what she sent the money for. I’m sorry, but I’d rather send the $500 back to her than pay $500 for someone to bring a coffee caraffe and pastries. So, I’m doing it my way. If she is pissed, I dare her to say something at my wedding.
I also plan on DIYing my bouquet (my friend works at a flower wholesaler and will do it for me), which Future Mother-In-Law said “Oh why don’t you get it done through Company X, I will pay for it”. No, I want to do it myself, with the help of my friend. I love making things. It won’t look DIY, and it will mean a lot to me to do it this way. She tried to pull this will my veil as well… I made it myself and she said “Oh I could have given you the money for a veil”. Well, the one I wanted was $200 and the one I made is similar and cost me $40 in materials. Did she really wanna be putting money where her mouth is?
She AND Future Father-In-Law are beyond pissed about the friend we chose to officiate our wedding. We are having a secular wedding with Jewish elements in it (solely for them), and our good friend will be marrying us. She tried to tell me it wasn’t legal (it is), they both sent me angry emails about his character (he was a heroin addict in his teens/early 20s. he is nearly 40 now) saying that they know him better than I do… I’m pretty sure they met him once, while I worked with the guy for 4 years. They begged us to get a Rabbi and I flat out refused. Now they are saying things like “Oh we are bringing him a yarmulke to wear…” What?? We are NOT religious at all, whatsoever. Why would he wear that? Thinking of him wearing a yarmulke at our wedding makes me wanna slap it off his head.
She also had to comment on every outfit my fiance is interested in. It’s too this or too that, and she doesn’t want him showing up in plaid neon (wtf?), blah blah blah. Honestly, I don’t care WHAT he wears, so long as he is happy and comfortable. We are already having a pretty traditional wedding considering our personalities (I ended up getting a white dress, despite loving my black one so much!!), she is lucky we are even having a wedding at all. The best part is, SHE had a blond afro and his dad was wearing a blue velvet suit at their wedding. They didn’t have a jewish wedding and admitted that they weren’t interested in religion until they had kids. Uh, she HAD a kid when she got married (fiances big (half) sister), and we aren’t ever having kids so that’s not really a concern of ours.
I feel like everything is “Why don’t you do it this way? I will pay for it!”