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@Pappy8: I had never heard of such dance until the other day my FMIL asked if we were doing one. I have decided not to since I'm pretty sure most of my guests like me have no clue what its about, but she said she got over $1,000 and that was 30 years ago.
It might be a good idea to put the feelers out to your family and non-filipino friends first. I know it is ok in some areas, but in others its a huge faux-pas. If most people are unfamiliar it might seem rude. Talk to your FI and his family as well if this is the case.
@Pappy8: I know it's a cultural thing, but it personally makes me really uncomfortable. As a guest, I think I'd feel the same way. I know it's voluntary and I know it's a tradition for some cultures, but it gets under my skin a little bit. Plus, I honestly never bring cash to a wedding, and I've seen a lot of Bees say the same...so unless you're telling people ahead of time, you're running the risk of people not even having cash on them!
We did not want to do the dollar dance, but DH's family started pinning dollar bills on us and everyone just followed suit. We got several hundred dollars just from that. I would have felt super weird announcing "now we're going to have the dollar dance!" that would be awkward for me. But it wasn't that weird the way they dit it.
I had a dollar dance and everyone participated. I didn't make that much money at all... so if you're doing it for the money, don't do it! A dollar doesn't go very far...
(Before I'm flamed, I did it for cultural reasons)
I personally think they are tacky, but if it is a cultural thing, you may want to do it to appease the future in-laws.
I think this a cultural/geographic tradition. Where I live (in the Northeast) I've never seen it done, however I have heard of it being done...do whatever feels right for you!
I think depending on the feeling of your friends and family and whether or not it's done in your circles of family and friends, it could be a little awkward. In the south wehre i'm from, it's not usually done and at our friend's wedding, out of nowhere they deicded to do one. Not many people participated. Most weren't sure what they were doing it for, some were a little put off that they were asking for $ outright almost, and some didn't have cash on them. I'm a mixture of never having cash on me, not wanting to dance with the groom if I dont' know him well, and thinking it's just a bit....grabby?
ETA: please remember I'm coming from a place with no cultural context. I think that the culture and the fact that you and your family might not be familiar with it is a fine line and it may be perceived as odd or negative by some people who are unfamiliar.
I grew up seeing Dollar Dances as part of the tradition of my heritage. At first I didn't understand what it was for until my mom explained it to me.
I do not believe it was appropriate to refer to a cultural tradition as "tacky", because each culture has their own traditions which others may not be familiar with, however to refer to any cultural tradition as tacky seems offensive to me.
My parents asked (encouragingly) if we will be having a dollar dance. Since we are both of Hispanic Heritage, I do not have a problem with it. My FI wants one, and looks at it as a chance to get to know my side of the family through small conversation. win-win :)
Anyhoo, back to the original topic, since it is your wedding, do what you are comfortable with, however most people who have dollar dances are familiar with it, and usually look at dollar dances as the opportunity to get to know the other side of the family. Perhaps talk to your FI to see how you can have a compromise.
@evylise: I never thought about it this way, and I think you explained the benefits really well! That being said, it's still frowned upon in my circle and would still make me uncomfortable personally, but you definitely gave some compelling reasons about why other people do it! If I ever see it done at a wedding, at least I'll get why they chose to do it, even if I don't agree with it myself.
I agree with evylise about people comenting on other peoples culture
@ op this may be a great way to meet his family its only for a short period of time
@abbie017: I'm glad that my reply gave some insight. Until my mom explained it to me, I thought it was just a long dance with everyone/ a money thing. I think it's appropriate to do the dollar dance (or any tradition) only if the guests are familiar with it or you're from an area where people do this, but if it frowned upon, then I agree that people may feel uncomfortable.
I grew up with dollar dances (but it's not cultural). I actually think it can be very cute if your guests are familar with it. If not, it looks strange and appears to be begging. Since his side will be prepared, I agree with PP that you need to gauge your family and friends. If they are ok with the idea, there's no harm in doing it. It's only three or four minutes. You dance a couple of steps, take the money, and move on to the next person.
I also grew up with dollar dances as well, but didn't have them at my wedding. I do think they are a lot of fun, and a way to get to talk to a lot of people at your wedding.
Whoever is cotrolling the line, have them only allow a minute of dancing with you. Enough for you to say, "Thanks so much for coming to the wedding! Are you having fun? How did you like dinner? Wasn't the XXX awesome?" Just have a few standard questions that can help fill the time while you're dancing and then have your bridesmaid or whoever move them along!
I've never seen one done to know exactly how it works. I'm all for keeping traditions though, and doing something from both sides if they are different. The important thing is to include everyone in both.
For people not expecting this, is there a way to include them without them giving money? Have paper and pens available and get them to write a piece of advice for you 2 as 'money' as well? For those who wanted to give money (and perhaps took this into account by reducing a wedding gift) and for those who weren't they don't have to just sit there feeling awkward.
My mom's family is Polish and it is tradition with them also. We did the dance but while people lined up to dance with my husband right away I had to stand there for about five minutes before people started shuffling over to dance with me (first one in line was my sister in law which was strange) At my friends wedding, however the dollar dance was a hit, so I guess it depends on the guests. Hope this helps.
I had never heard of this until I attend a few of FI's friends weddings this summer. It was a common thing for weddings they all attend. FI likes the idea of it, but I'm not too sure, I feel uncomfortable asking for money or expecting it. I mentioned it to my Mom and she had never heard of it and found it very tacky. I see the tradition aspect of it and I respect those who decide to have one because I have seen it done nicely and then I've seen it completely flop and some guests act mildly inappropriate for the newlyweds to "earn" their money. I just don't think it will fit our wedding though.
I personally love the dollar dance when I go to other people's weddings. I feel that it gives me a chance to have a few minutes to send my well wishes to the bride and groom when they are usually very busy.
I think the note idea is wonderful. I feel like I want to encourage people to write notes on the money they give. (hmm...is that illegal?)
Be prepared for ridiculousness with the dollar dance. I"ve seen capes of dollars, tails of money and money taped to glasses and inappropriate places.
I also thought it was a good way to showecase my mom and my future father in law. My mom was sad that she wasn't getting her own dance because there's a father daughter dance and a mother son dance but nothing for her so I told her that I'd have the dj call her and my fiance's dad up to dance with us to get the dollar dance started. At least it's something.
Wow! I didn't realize so many people DIDN'T do this! I've seen it done at just about every family wedding I've ever been to (both sides of my family - one side is Hungarian, the other side is German.) I've never seen the bride or groom take the money, though? The way I usually see it done is that people can give a dollar (or more) to whoever is attending the station (my mom and dad did it at my cousin's wedding recently) and (if they're of age) they can take a shot of whiskey or peach schnapps (I'm not sure why those are usually the shots... It's just what I've seen.) Anyway, they usually take their shot while they wait for the person in front of them to get done dancing, and they take their turn. I never realized that this wasn't a standard practice.
I grew up seeing the dollar dance and honestly never understood it. Seems like begging. It makes me uncomfortable and dont want to make my guests uncomfortable. Plus takes up too much time.
not a fan. Couldn't you do the same type of dance (spending a few seconds with each person) without collecting money?
The dollar dance is one of the reasons why I love weddings and I always look forward to it! A wedding that I as in this past weekend ahd a great plan for dance, everyone got 45 seconds with the bride or groom and the best man/ MOH held out "purses" for the people to put their dollars in!
We are doing a dollar dance, because it is very common in our area, but we are also giving out jello shots to those who are waiting in line and "paying" to dance with the bride and groom so that it isn't so "grabby" seeming as others have mentioned, so I think it is a nice alternative!
I didn't remember ever having heard of dollar dances until my cousin's wedding a few years ago. My mother tried to convince me to go dance with her, apparently she thought they were very normal, but I found the whole thing awkward...
I actually think it would be less awkward to do it when I am the bride, as long as someone else is collecting the money and there is no awkward pinning money on me or anything. It would be a good way to get a little cash since I am planning on registering with a charity instead of getting gifts.
I've only seen it once and participated because I was a guest, but it's definitely something you want to research and see if it's acceptable in your area.
In our area, it's acceptable but we decided to forego it, because we come fron different areas where it certainly is frowned upon. In the end, it's the comfort level of you and your guests that matters.
Everyone I know who got married did that and I'm not too keen on it. I was uncomfortable watching and didn't particpate, when I was a guest. I can only imagine how awkward I'd feel as the recipient!
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My FI just informed me that he wants to do a dollar dance... he's filipino and its tradition in his family and I would love to honor that however i am not close with his family at all and I feel really uncomfortable dancing with all these people i dont know very well.
Have any of you ladies done this and how did it go?