Post # 1
So I’m not sure what to do and let me start off by saying I couldn’t care less about the dollar dance either way. However, everyone I love is fired up about it. I am the last of my many cousins to get married and they all had it and it is very much a part of our culture. When I mentioned it to my FI he was horrified. He said he and his friends went to a wedding where they did it and his friends made comments to the groom basically comparing it to prostitution–which I think is going overboard, but I don’t want anyone calling me a prostitute at my wedding because of a dollar dance I don’t even care about! FI says he refuses to do it. So skip it, right? Well, when I told my mom she was pretty upset and said my family will be upset and that people expect it because it’s a tradition. And how would I explain why we aren’t doing it to all my cousins who had it at their weddings? I can’t exactly say, “I know YOU did the dollar dance, but my FI and his friends think it’s trashy.” This has been very frustrating for me because I’ve been like the anti-bridezilla throughout my wedding planning process (always putting other people before myself) and I just can’t figure out how to make everyone happy!
Post # 3
Well how about instead of people giving you money, you leave a ticket or Monopoly money or some sort of token at everyone’s seat for people to use. Or you can have little bits of paper and pencil at the tables and people can give you well wishes. That way you can still have the dance but since real money isn’t involved it doesn’t appear as “trashy” (how rude btw) to those people who don’t get it.
Post # 4
I’m in a similar predicament with the bouquet and garter toss. I don’t really care what anyone says, we’re not doing it. My mom and sisters think it’s like the worst thing ever (and my sister gets offended since they did it at her wedding). It’s just not for us. that’s all you have to say. And if it’s creating that much drama, just don’t talk about it until closer to the wedding. I just told my parents we would consider doing it even though I have no intention of it. If they keep bugging me I have every intention of telling them we are doing it then just not doing it. They won’t even notice!
Post # 5
Both the dollar dance and bouquet/garter toss are very traditional. i see a lot of couples leaving one or both of these out of their wedding day. I’d personally leave out the dollar dance. I did this on my first wedding. I wish I wouldn’t have and would have enjoyed my wedding and having fun with my guests instead of dancing with people who i didn’t feel comfortable dancing with in the first place LOL I mean, yeah, you make money, but you pay for your day, and consume your year (or longer) planning that day, enjoy it. It goes by QUICK!!!!!!!!!
Post # 6
Just don’t do it. If you are not bothered, and your h2b doesn’t want to do it, then don’t do it. And don’t even tell people you’re not doing it. They might not even notice the absence.
You should never feel obliged to do something you don’t want to, no matter who did it.
Post # 7
If your FI doesn’t want to do it, then don’t do it. And just stop talking to your family about it. Also, make SURE the DJ knows that under no circumstances is this going to happen.
Post # 8
If he’s against is skip it.
My finance and I are for it, his mother is not, but it’s tradition in my family so we will go forward with it.
Post # 9
Once the reception really gets going, does anyone even notice? If there are older relatives who just want the one-on-one time with you, maybe there’s another way you and your FI can make the rounds and see everyone.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2014 - Catholic Church and Lord Hill Farms
Instead of the dollar dance my FI and I decided to do what we call “Who Wears It?” You take 2 glasses or jars; one with each of your names on it and you make a little card to be displayed between them that whichever one has more in it will get some frosting on the face! My FI doesnt want to do the garter toss but I really want to do the bouquet toss since I have many friends around the marrying age with significant others so I think itd be interesting
Post # 11
If you don’t want it, don’t do it. And simply leave it at that – “we just don’t want to, and we’ll just feel like we’re doing it because we HAVE to, and that’s not how we want to feel that day.” Don’t get into thinking it’s trashy or whatever. Just say it’s not your cup of tea, for your own wedding. If people try to make it a thing derail them with something like “I appreciate that, but we just decided we don’t want it” or whatever. Polite. Respectful of what other people had/want at their weddings, but don’t do things because you’re supposed to. Do things because you want them. If you don’t want them, don’t do them.
Post # 12
@oneofthesethings: This. And as PP’s have said stop discussing it with your family. If they bring it up, bean-dip them. If you FI is very against it, I wouldn’t do it.
Post # 13
Just skip it. You can even say, “It was so fun at your wedding, cousin! But it’s not something FI’s family does, so we decided to skip it!” Or just say, as a PP suggested, “It’s not for us. Can’t wait to do it at the next OurFamily wedding, though!”