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FI is from the mid west and apparently this is a tradition at most weddings there. You play a song and the guests 'pay' ($1,$5, $10 bills) to dance with the bride and groom. It turns into a compitition, who has the most money at the end of the song. I have never heard of this and my mom was APPALLED when I told her we were planning on doing it (FI really wants to). What do you all think?
Personally, i feel like people are already spending money on gifts. i wouldn't want to ask them to give us any more money, but i know it's a tradition for some people so i think it's fine for them, i just wouldn't want to do it.
Everybody where I'm from does this. It's not even a question of tacky, when I've told people that we're not doing bouquet toss/garter stuff, the next question out of their mouths here is: "But you ARE doing a dollar dance, right??" People like having a chance to get to dance with you alone and seriously, nobody cares about the money part. I've rarely seen it turned into a competition... I can't think of ever seeing that someone even counted the money at the reception? That wouldn't be normal to me.
I used to work weddings in high school, and I've never NOT seen it done, by any wedding, no matter how nice. I had noooo idea it was a midwest thing until weddingbee! Haha. It's as automatic as having a wedding cake around here.
But I think if you rmom was appalled, other people in your family might be appalled too. I could see how some might get offended or something, especially if they're not used to it or have never heard of it. So maybe you should drop it. Tough call.
It really depends on who is showing up. It is a tradition in the midwest and south. I've been to family weddings where we do this and it's kind of fun. Most people just pay $1 or $5 (which is usually floating around in your wallet anyways) and you get to dance with the bride/groom. Weddings can be so crowded and busy that you might not get a chance to dance with the bride or groom otherwise, so it's nice to have a minute or two to chat and give your congrats. That being said, you know your family. If they will be uncomfortable with it, well there ya go.
I think this depends on family/culture/etc. I had never even heard of it, but we went to my fiance's cousin's wedding and they did it. I personally would never do it, but it is part of tradition for some people.
I'm from the South and lots of people do it here too. I HATE it, but it is really important to Nicholas - one of the things he's asked me to keep in... and he let me bar the chicken dance, so I guess I'll go with it.
But i'm NOT happy.
You know if I just heard of it out of the blue I would say Tacky, but I've seen it done at several weddings in my family and it's one of those things that's tradition in some circles. The weddings I've been too that have had it have been a lot of fun. The bride never dances with everyone normally and this way it's only a dollar (or more, but no one really looks unless you put in a $50 or big bucks) and everyone spins each other around. The most fun I've seen is when both the bride and groom are doing it at the same time, so the ladies aren't left out. It's a great chance to have a little time of fun with the special guests. I dont' think we'll be doing the $$ part at my wedding since the other half's family wouldn't be familar so it would be more stress and worry about whether they'd think it's tacky but I would like to have something where we both dance with all the guests.
There is a post on here somewhere that got quite heated. Taking into consideration area that your wedding is in, your family, any cultural influences, and lots of other things, it can range from widely accepted and weird if you DON'T have it, to the T word with a capital T.
If your mom thinks it's tacky tho, chances are your family will, and that alone I think is a reason to possibly exclude it if it's not the norm.
WHY do you want to have it? B/c it's fun? or b/c you think it'd be a nice monetary contribution? If it's just b/c it's fun, you can provide "Tokens" to your guests to "cash in" on a dance with you. If the monetary incentive is there, though, it could come off as greedy.
I'm in the midwest and i have only seen it as ONE wedding. It's usually seem as money-grabby unless it's a cultural thing. We talked about having one and donating the money to charity and making that announcemenet, but DH was against it. He said our wedding wasnt a competition and didn't really want to deal with men dancing with me all night and whatnot. It wouldn't have gone over that well anyways.
You're about to get a LOT of different responses =]
I have conflicting feelings about it. We're doing it at our wedding because it's something our family has always done, but I did worry about what some poeple would think. Then I just reminded myself that they don't have to participate if they don't want to. All the people at our wedding will be there because they love and support us and I don't think any of them would think badly of us just because of one little dance. Good luck!
The coolest thing I have seen done with the dollar dance is that the $$$ was donated to charity. It was announced before the dance and everyone loved it!
My mom wants me to do it--it's a Greek tradition. It's all in good fun--if you don't want to throw money at me (yep. throw money. Not pin it on.) then don't. I don't think anyone on my mom's side of the family will think it's tacky at all. To them, it's tradition and it's a lot of fun. I hope that any people that are unfamiliar with the tradition are not too uptight about it.
I used to think the whole concept a bit on the tacky side, and I'm from the South! But I've actually been to several weddings where this was one of the funnest parts of the whole reception. It's all about how you handle it. If it's that important to your FI, then just know that there ARE ways that you can present it tackfully.
It really depends on your culture/traditions. It has been done at nearly all the weddings I have attended. We will not be including it at our wedding though. Back in the day though, this dance was for monetary reasons. The money raised would then be used to keep the venue open for an extra hour or so or it would pay for extra expenses that have incurred but more recently the money is just given to the bride and groom for saving.
I think it's like "Double Dipping" People are already giving you a gift most likely. We won't be including it on our day
I'm filipino and its a tradiation at every wedding to do the money dance! Its not a competition though, people can give whatever amt even just a dollar. Guest even get creative with it and make crowns, necklaces, sashes, bow ties, etc! I see it at every wedding I go to!!
here's a picture of my friend's money dance!
joyce.jpg (57.9 KB, 89 downloads) 2 years old
I'm from New England so it's not my thing but I also feel it's ok to say NO to tradition if you don't agree with it.
Yeah, I think it's hard to call it tacky based on monetary reasons. A lot of people have registries to suggest gifts that are a bit more than $1 but if the dance is not expected from most of the guests then I could see how it's taken wrong. It's just a cultural thing on what's expected.
When we first started planning, people started asking us if we were going to do the dollar dance. I've never been to a wedding before, so I had no idea what it was. When I found out, I was like, "Nope, not doing that!" I felt weird asking guests to slip me a solid to dance with me, and yeah, I'll admit it, I thought it was the T-word.
However, after asking around about it, the general consensus was people really don't hate the dollar dance at weddings. I find that actually, people enjoy giving the couple a few bucks for their honeymoon. Not everyone, but I guess once people get to the wedding, and the alcohol's flowin', it's fun and people get into it. If guests think it's tacky or don't want to participate, well, no one will force them to. This can be filed under "you can't please everyone" so do what you feel is best for you guys.
I honestly wouldn't worry about offending people (specifically, your family). Marriage is all about combining traditions, and if his family wants to do it, then let him do it. If you're really against it, just have the groom participate :)
I have only been to one wedding where this was done and I thought it was a riot - it was a fun chance to get a little bit of time to dance with the groom (or bride) and just have a quick word with them to congratulate them and have a laugh.
No one in my family or among my friends has done it - I'm from Connecticut and I don't think it's very common - but if it were common and people were familiar with it I think it would be cute. It's not like you're charging people 50 dollars to twirl the bride around - it's just a token gesture and it's a fun thing to do.
They did the dollar dance at the last two weddings I went to. I think it's fine, but it's not my thing--I haven't participated before and I am not going to on my wedding day. I think where it's culturally or regionally expected, then hey, why not do it? But if it's not part of your culture and it's not commonly done in your area, then it might be weird.
I'm from the South as well and I've NEVER seen it done here and I would be shocked. I am not a fan, no matter the reason. I already gave you a gift, I'm not giving up $ just to get to hang out with you.
The first time I ever heard of it was on Wedding Bee!!!! It seems cultural from what I've heard. I think that if it is one of your traditions and you and your groom are ok with doing it ... than do it. I wouldn't think anything less if that were the case.
I've never seen it ... so I don't know how I would feel =) I would NEVER do it. Lol. I am not doing the bouquet or garter toss though either.
It's one thing to me if it's a cultural tradition. But if you're just picking it up? No. I don't think it's ok to ask your guests to pay to spend time with you.
You are in a tough spot because you have two very different family backgrounds. I think on this tradition, those that know about it wouldn't think twice about it but to people who haven't seen it before it certainly seems tacky. I have never personally been to a wedding with it and just reading about it, makes it come off as a bit tacky. HOWEVER, if I was at a wedding and I saw a big group of people all getting into it and I could see that it was a fun tradition, I think I wouldn't be offended at all. I am sure everyone who is there is going to be there to celebrate you guys, enjoy your wedding, and won't be all that worried about a new tradition. So you should just decide what you and your FI want and not worry!
I am also from the south and NEVER seen this type of thing either. I won't be doing it obviously. Pay me for a dance with me?
I am from Boston, and I have never seen it done at a wedding, That being said, I do want to take my "t****" vote back...if it is a regional thing, then how can someone from another region judge?
This is as standard as cake-cutting and toasts in our region! Like some other posts said, its a great chance to talk with your guests one-on-one. It really not about making money, and seriously, most people only put $1 in the bag--- it's not like you're asking for a big contribution!!
It also provides some great photo ops (group dances, groom with groomsman, bride with her grandpa, etc). At my brother's wedding I had to get in line 5 times because my mom kept missing her shot.
Personally I'm more turned off by things like auctioning off the garter. Seriously??
I've never seen anything like this before! I don't think we'll do it, just because I've never been to a wedding where this has happened, and I don't think people would get it. :p
For me personally, I do not agree with it but if it is the tradition where you are getting married then go for it. I think its weird to ask people for money to dance with me. If I were at a wedding and they did this, I would wait to dance with them after the dollar dance was over.
This is all extremely helpful feedback, thank you! I am not really comfortable with it and I don't really want to do it but I know FI is pretty set on it. Because of the distance between his home town and mine (where we are getting married) only his immediate family will be there. I know they would appreciate it but if they are the only people there (12 people out of 100 guests), who know what it is I don't know if it's worth the stress! I think I'm just going to try to talk Mr. Librarian out of it.
I'm shocked that not everyone has ever heard of this! I haven't been to a wedding where it was a 'competition' but literally every single wedding I have been to has had a dollar dance. I think that guests love it, and a lot of the time it's the only chance they're going to get to have a moment to dance with the bride or groom. Especially if you're not doing a receiving line.
I have never thought of it as tacky; after all, you're only asking for a dollar. A bottle of soda out of a vending machine costs more than that. As a guest at weddings where it's been done, I thought it was really fun, and there is ALWAYS a big line to dance with the bride or groom.
@ Appleblossom
Auctioning off the garter? Seriously??!! I've seen the dollar dance, but never heard of this!
I love the dollar dance! We always do these at weddings I have been to. I am Mexican-American and from South Texas. This may be a cultural/regional thing. Not sure, but I do know it's a fun way to interact with all of your guests and individually dance with just about everyone! And, yes I believe part of the idea is to send the couple on their honeymoon with a little extra cash. Guests in no way feel forced to participate. Plenty of people just watch the fun.
I think it's a little rude of anyone to call this tacky, to be honest. It's not about taking money from your guests. It's about having fun. Are those of you who think it's tacky also going to refuse every single wedding gift you receive? C'mon.
If you don't want to do it, don't =]. Tell him how you don't want to dance with all those men (grubby fingers on your dress? what about leftover food or a sticky soda remnant?) or that it takes away from the rest of the reception. Stuff like this takes up time--your guests don't necessarily need to be entertained, they can just enjoy themselves
I'd be tempted to put my foot down, too, if only his family of 12 out of the 100+ guests are all for it.
Just dig up some anti-dollar dance websites and send them his way. One sided propaganda usually works well; they don't care that much to find opposing arguments =]
Its not a takcy vs non thing - its a is think a norm on your culture or area? My eldest brother had one at his wedding and no one thought twice about it. They made some extra cash and had a good time. For mine however, it was a whole different section of the country with an entirely different guest list who would never have heard of it. So we skipped it.
I am from the east coast and live in the midwest. I have been to 13 weddings in the last few years, 11 were in the midwest with the dollar dance at 3 of them, two because it was the culture of the groom (Mexican, Filipino). My husband is from the midwest and wanted to but my east coast parents saw it at the Filipino wedding and thought it was extremely tacky. I always thought it was awkward and would choose that time to use the bathroom or catch some fresh air. Point being-- if it's the norm for the majority of guests, go for it, but if it's in your hometown, with mostly your family who have never seen it, it will be poorly received and probably put a damper on the reception.
@Mandyrosy - yeah auctioning a garter... Why not just charge admission at that point?? We will NOT be having any auctions :)
Im Mexican!! And they done this in every wedding I been to. Here in CA and Mexico Like Jingle96 said some guest get creative sometimes.
If you're not comfortable with it but your husband is, just have him do the dance - people are usually a bit more forgiving of guys antics if they think it's a bit tacky. Don't stop the dancing for everyone else, just have him be out there dancing too and have your FI let his family know that your fam has no idea what this tradition is so they need to lead the way. Most likely he'll know how to do it in a fun way, and if no one from your side joins in then your FI family will get a song of laughs without too much disruption of the rest of the wedding.
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