Domestically entitled kids with SAHPs. Have you noticed this?

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Have you noticed that ppl with SAHPS tend to be more domestically entitled than ppl with non-SAHPs?
    Yes : (39 votes)
    39 %
    No : (36 votes)
    36 %
    I haven't noticed one way or another : (26 votes)
    26 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1691 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    DH and I are both domestically entitled, but not because we had a SAHP. Maybe it’s more laziness than entitlement. Our house is a mess and tonight we ate a can of beans for dinner because there was no food in the house…. but there is alwaaaays wine! The toilet paper remains on top of the old empty roll because neither of us care to put it on properly. We only straighten up the night before the cleaning lady comes, or if there’s company. We’re both ok living in our mess day to day, and we scramble when we need to be presentable. I can see how this would definitely be an issue with another partner who didn’t want to live like a slob. I would also be irritated if I were the only one to have to make the house presentable when the circumstance arose.

    Post # 3
    Member
    6740 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am the only child if a SAHM- so yes, I was pretty taken care of. But I am now the SAHM to 2 girls, so I am the do-er in the household now. But I will say, I am just naturally an organized and structured person- so it wasn’t like there was a big learning curve. I like cooking and cleaning – otherwise I wouldn’t be a SAHM. And all of the members of our household are pretty decent about not making huge messes and cleaning up after themselves. Maybe I am raising “entitled” little people, but to be honest it is hard for me to be objective given my situation.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6026 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Correlation doesn’t equal causation.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1616 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’ve noticed just the oposite. My mom SAH and my brother and I are responsible adults. We both keep our houses clean, food in the fridge, and have plenty of toiletries. Our houses aren’t spotless, but not embarrassing by any means.  Our parents instilled in us that we lived in the home too, so we were to help keep it clean. 

    My DH, for example, is a total slob. His mom worked full time (FIL died many years ago) and she never made DH clean or pick up after himself. A lot of my friends whose parents worked full time are sloppy. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    8705 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I might be the exception to the rule. My dad was a stay at home dad and he never cleaned up after me. I had to do it myself and he made sure I did it. I do have my slobby days, but who doesn’t?<br /><br />I think this particular generation (I’m 27) is just full of lazy entitled people, regardless of whether or not their parent(s) stayed at home.<br /><br />ETA: Having a stay at home dad made me, as an adult, more responsible and adaptative. I learned how to cook, I learned how to fix my car, fix electronics. When I was older, I later learned how to build, fix and maintain my own computer, dishwasher, washer, dryer and air conditioner. I learned how to preform maintenance on a car complete household repairs (Drywall, fixing a roof, caring for the structure of the house in repairing windows, doors, etc. I benefit as an adult because my father had the time and knowledge to teach me these things, whereas I might not have learned otherwise and thus would have to pay people to do them.

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    Post # 7
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    sarahleebee:  hmm I haven’t noticed a pattern or trend personally, but my thought is that regardless of how one is raised, if you are a grown adult you can change your habits if you want to. It’s a choice. Have you talked with your husband about him helping without being asked? 

    My Dh’s mom stayed home for most of his childhood and she cleaned, cooked and did everything for him (she even tries to come over and clean/cook for us now), but he carries his own   weight around the house. We both have our lazy/slob moments, but we both help out. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2839 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    GrannyPantiesRock:  I’m with you. Actually, my husband is definitely the better housekeeper, and he had a SAHM. I had two working parents who were always too tired to fold sheets and towels, do the dishes the moment they got dirty and replace the TP on the roll. I didn’t grow up with perfection (or even anything approaching it) as an ideal, and so it doesn’t matter to me so much as an adult. Things were always sanitary, we didn’t wear dirty clothes or anything, but no one was polishing the fingerprints off the fridge. 

    My husband, on the other hand, grew up with a SAHM who was suuuper duper clean and organized, and he mimicked her from a young age. His aunt tells a great story about how, when she would babysit for him, he would ask if he could polish her silverware. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1499 posts
    Bumble bee

    GrannyPantiesRock:  That horrifies me lol! Our house is clean, organized and efficient. But his sisters are terribly domestically entitled, and neither parent stayed home at all. No real basis to judge, I think.

    Post # 12
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    sarahleebee:  Hm… I’ve never thought about this before but it could be true. Off the top of my head, there are a couple people I know who are “domestically entitled” with SAHMs who seemed to do everything for them. Also I guess I am kind of this way too and my mom stayed home and took care of us during the day and worked the night shift so that kind of counts? Not sure about this though.. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2516 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    sarahleebee:  I think what also can influence this for men is WHICH parent did what. My FI is somewhat ‘domestically entitled’ but I think its more because his mom cleaned up after everyone and I don’t think his Dad did much housekeeping ect. Both his parents worked tho ( atleast part time)

    For example at his house him and his brothers will leave their dinner plates on the table when they are done and NOBODY (except me) even offers to help with dishes ( or cook or set the table ect)

    That shit doesnt fly at our home ( even tho I constantly have to remind him to put his damn dish in the DISHWASHER and not just leave it in the sink) and it sure as hell didn’t fly at my house growing up. I think too my dad helped out alot with household chores so I excpect my FI to do the same while he grew up totally opposite. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
    Post # 14
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    sarahleebee:  I think for me it’s the opposite….I had a stay at home mother my entire life growing up, who handled laundry, cooking, taking care of pets, etc. My parents also always hired people to do everything else around the house, such as cleaning, yard work, taking care of the pool, etc. My brother and I didn’t even have to do chores. It was never a fight, my parents just handled stuff or hired people to handle stuff and wanted us kids to focus on school, activities, friends etc.

    That said, there was always so much pride instilled in us about keeping a beautiful, clean, and tidy living space as well as taking care of belongings that to this day I can’t stand to live any other way, even when I have had to handle anything and everything myself during college, law school, and now beyond with my husband.

    Also, my parents always raised us to have serious respect for the comfort and space of others, so when it came to living with roommates and now my husband, I will let my own space (home office, bathroom, closet, etc) get messy LONG before I would ever let anyone else be bothered for a second with mess in the common areas. With my husband especially, he works much longer hours than I do and I work from home for the most part, so I always take great care to handle domestic things like groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning etc so he doesn’t have to. I actually enjoy a lot of aspects of it!

    I think it just comes down to how you’re raised to view domestic life and what lifestyle you are comfortable living, not so much whether or not you physically had to do this stuff yourself growing up. I knew people in college who basically said “hell yes, no more chores” and lived like slobs as soon as mom wasn’t around to police them, SAHP or not…almost like being made to do domestic things for so many years led them to not want anything to do with it later on.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1377 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    sarahleebee:  I had a roommate who was very domestically entitled. I detested living with him, though as a person he’s a decent guy. I met his parents once (happened to need a ride home, I was going by there on my way to somewhere else, so I dropped him off) and they’re very sweet. I found out his mom was a SAHM, he’s an only child, and oh boy, is he entitled. About the only thing he can almost vaguely do is the barest form of cooking for himself (from his mom making him freezer meals) and doing laundry the college boy fashion. He never cleaned his dishes, usually left htem in the sink for days, never cleaned anything in any room, was loud at random periods, never shared the TV and constantly forgot to lock the door. I really think it’s not because he didn’t want to do any of this, it’s that he was never taught he should, so he doesn’t because he doesn’t think of it. 

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