More Invitation Etiquette Drama (long)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

I definitely wouldn’t invite her – your FI is right.  Don’t be afraid – just let the drama roll off your shoulders, because you have much more and much happier things to think about. 

What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t invite the mother and sister?  Your stepmom won’t talk to you for years?  Your dad won’t?  I’d weigh how much that matters to you.  Personally, I wouldn’t mind and I’d only invite people who are important to my SO and to me. 

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

No way in HELL would I invite the step mother’s mother!

Post # 5
Member
2873 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Mode:  There are only two reasons I would invite someone like that to my wedding;

1. Your dad and step-mother are putting money towards the wedding.  If they are, they get a say in the guest list.  And I mean more than “They are getting me a card with a $20”

2. If you could not live with the drama of not inviting them.  I assume their will be drama based on the past. 

Post # 6
Hostess
9907 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Mode:  I wouldn’t invite them.  I do find it weird that you’re inviting her brother’s ex wife – is she still friendly with the rest of the family?

Post # 7
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Is your dad paying for any of this wedding?  If not HELL no would I invite them.  I will never understand women like your step mother or her family, treat children like this.   I would have said something when I was a kid but that’s neither here nor there.  You are an adult, your feelings matter and why should people that .. “aren’t family” be at your wedding.

 

ETA and when your Dad asks for an explanation tell him … they aren’t family, and you are only using their definition of family from when you were a child.  I would probably say something along the lines of … possibily inviting the dog before your step-mother’s famliy.

Post # 8
Member
10989 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Mode:  As a stepmother whose own parents have been very good to my stepchildren, I wanted to say how sorry I am that your stepmother’s mother made this comment about you when you were a child. 

I cannot imagine being a little girl and not only having your family of origin torn apart by your parents’ divorce but also being told that you were not a part of your father’s new family.  That’s a lot of rejection for anyone, especially a small child.  I actually wish I could hug you to help take away your pain over this.  🙁

I also understand why this situation would still cause you pain and why you do not want to invite this woman and her other daughter to attend your wedding.

Having said all of that, I think it may be time to try to view this situation from a different perspective.  When you were little, this woman had power over you, and her careless, thoughtless words cut you to the core.  However, now that you are older, you may be able to see this situation from a different perspective, one that will allow you not to feel the pain of rejection but, rather, compassion and pity toward someone who was, at least at the time, apparently incapable of looking beyond her own daughter’s happiness to the needs of a sweet and vulnerable child.

Whether or not you choose to invite these ladies to your wedding is ultimately your decision and that of your FI.  However, I do think that you need to choose to forgive this offense so that it will no longer have such a hold on you and will no longer be able to cause you pain. Perhaps having a fresh opportunity to interact with your stepmother’s mother and sister in a brief but positive manner at your wedding would be a healing experience for you.

Post # 9
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Mode:  Does your Dad not know or realize that your stepmother’s family was never kind to you? Does he not know or does he not care?

DO NOT invite them. And if your Dad gets upset, you need to tell him that it’s sad he would put his own flesh and blood in such a horrible situation.

Also, please tell me  you are treating the stepmother as a guest and not has a mother of the bride? No flower, no introduction at the reception

Post # 10
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Heck no! She sounds like a bitch, why invite someone you haven’t spoken to in 15 years, was super rude to you as a child and isn’t even related to you? It doesn’t sound like you and your step mother are besties so I don’t know why she would expect her mother and sister to be invited. I think it will just cause unwanted drama since you are inviting the ex aunt. I’d stick to your guns and with your FI and just say NO.

 

Post # 11
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

I’ve got some similar drama brewing…Pardon my French dear, but tell her and anyone that dares to stir up drama to suck it. Your feelings are justified. Don’t invite her.

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