Post # 1
So lately I’ve realized something strange, I don’t care at all anymore if he proposes. Don’t get me wrong, I love him just as much as ever, but I’m so over thinking and stressing about it.
Maybe it’s negative, but lately I’m kind of feeling like if he doesn’t want to marry me, he doesn’t want to marry me. nothing more I can do, he knows what I want.
I’ve got my own timeline in mind, and if he doesn’t propose by then, I’ll re-evaluate our situation.
but until then, it is what it is.
anyone else go through something like this?
Post # 3
Me, at the moment! 2 weeks ago I was really excited, then became upset.. and now I feel like I don’t really care anymore. In fact SO is the one who gets excited when something weddingy comes on tv, I just stay quiet and try not to over think about it.
Luckily I think this is the stage where most proposals happen naturally, so heres to both of us 🙂
Post # 4
Ah…the glorious cycles of waiting. I’ve been through this. My most recent scheme is that if we’re not engaged by the time I get ready to enroll in law school (August 2012), then I’m moving out. Next year will make 9 years with my guy. NINE YEARS! N-I-N-E! Sorry…I digress. Anywho, I’ve committed to not mentioning another word about getting engaged/married/etc. I’ve spoken my piece and he knows how I feel. The ball is in his court…meanwhile, me time!
Post # 5
I don’t really care anymore. I’d still like it to happen but I have no excitement thinking about it.
Post # 6
OMG, i’m so glad you guys think like me. I thought I was alone in my feelings.
Post # 7
Talk about a cycle…. I have anxiety about the situation. Half my day is spent wondering why he hasn’t done it, when will he do it, whats he waiting for and does he even really want to? The other have my day is me asking myself why I can’t just be happy being with him. Why do I care so much about being married??? I wish I didn’t care so much, but I do and I can’t pretend I don’t. I’ve tried really really hard.
Its sad I’ve gotten to the point where it’s frustrating. It’s been 4.5 years. Things are great in the relationship and i have zero complaints otherwise.
This anxious, frustrated person is not who I want to be but I just cannot help it.
Today is a bad waiting day! can you tell??????
Post # 8
Yup – I know this feeling. For the past year or so I’ve been feeling like this every couple of months. But then of course he does something like take me ring shopping or pick out a setting and I’m right back in it again. Sigh. Hopefully the cycle ends soon!! Here’s hoping for both of us.
Post # 9
Sorry you are having such a bad waiting day! I feel crazy like that sometimes too. Especially because we’re still pretty young – I keep asking myself why I feel so strongly that it has to happen NOW. I think part of the problem is that I start to feel like things aren’t moving forward. We’re very happy together, and we want the next step, so I want to move towards that! Sigh. It’s really hard when you start to feel stalled.
Post # 10
@alwaysamaid: I know exactly what you are feeling! We’ve had more talks than I would like to have had about the subject of getting engaged, so I told myself after the last one, that I have done my part and he knows how I feel. It’s now up to him – which is hard for me since I am somewhat of a control freak! I’ve also noticed that letting my worries go and focusing on myself has brought me alot of happiness that I have been neglecting while worrying about us getting married. For instance…I’m making alot of Christmas gifts this year, so I’m scheduling alot of quiet, girl, craft time for myself over the next few weeks in addition to spending some great quality time with family over the Holidays by myself and not always as “a pair.” After all, if something is out of our control, then worrying probably won’t improve anything… although I know that is hard to do at times 🙂
Post # 11
I think these cycles are normal. I definitely go through stages where I care A LOT and I’m anxious about it, and then stages where I’m just happily waiting, and then stages where I feel like you’ve described.
Overall, I know we love each other and that it will eventually happen so that’s reassuring 🙂
Post # 12
This is exactly how I feel.
Post # 13
I am there. I have been there for a while, it started to happen when my best friend got engaged to a guy she only ended up with bc he was my so’s roommate. granted they love eachother i’m not trying to belittle what they have it’s just i remember plenty of times long after the SO and I got together that she would call me crying bc she wanted a relationship with him so badly and he would treat her terribly and wanted nothing to do with her. eventually they got together, and then about 6 months ago they moved in together, and 4 months ago, engaged. I’m happy for her but it was my turn for once (long long history of being cheated out of moments) and nope, she got it. I’ve been waiting so long that everyone is over it. I went to dinner with some girl friends the other night, they used to be so supportive and enthusiastic about my relationship, now they recommend I move out after Christmas, it’s just been too long. So yes I’m there I had to shut down, I had to quit caring or I’d be histerical 24/7 and I just don’t have time to be as heartbroken as I should be over the continual let downs, the multiple broken timelines, and the relentless questioning over which one of us is causing all the problems, sigh, I guess the most painful part is how quickly everything else in my life is changing. My whole life is changing and moving forward, everything that is except the most important relationship in my life. It’s stuck in the boyfriend zone. I didn’t expect that to turn into such a vent but there it is.
Post # 14
@StorminNormin: omg you have the same illness I do! hahahaha. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes!
I hate that I have to consciously tell myself to just enjoy ‘today’ and SO and I will get engaged/married someday, and no amount of worrying or wondering is going to make it come any sooner. Literally every idle moment of every day ‘the proposal’ pops into my mind, I worry about how much longer I’m going to be waiting, which of my remaining unmarried friends will get engaged before us, etc. It consumes me unless I have something else to keep me busy.
I don’t want to look back and see that I wasted ‘X’ years stressing myself out and worrying over something that I have absolutely no control over, when I could be doing other things.
I’m TRYING to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it as much, by spending more time with friends, more time at the gym, and more time working around the house on hobbies and chores. I think in this stage of waiting this is really the best and the only thing we can do..
Post # 15
I’m so sick of waiting that most days I just want the relationship to end 🙁
Post # 16
don´t feel like that… the whole point of getting engaged is to be close to each other….it isn´t about the ring or the dress…you have to realize that while you wait, you ARE PART OF EACH OTHERS LIVES…and that´s the most important….
i truly believe that the waiting process has its stages….and eventually if it takes him really long to propose you will start to feel as if you don´t really care anymore….but that´s just yourself trying to protect your feelings, trying to cope. I believe once he pops the question your happiness and passion will re-ignite. but don´t ever forget that the whole point of waiting is to be with him forever….but while you wait for him, your still with him….
besides, everything great in life is well worth waiting for!