(Closed) Don't cut your hair?!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

That’s absolutely insane on her part.  It is your hair and you can do whatever you choose with it.  Your Fiance is right not to cave to her nonsense.  You shouldn’t either.  It doesn’t need to be a big blow out fight, I’d just say “My hair really doesn’t work for me as it is now and I want to cut it.  I am sorry if that means I will need to step down.”

This is her issue, not yours.

Post # 4
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Tell her you’ll be happy to help in any way you can next time you speak. If she brings up hair again (assuming she may have been joking this time) tell her while she can plan many aspects of her wedding, having control over other peoples facial hair / hair styles is over the line. If she insists, maybe charge a rental fee for use of your head.

Post # 5
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

… brides don’t get to dictate how their wedding party cuts their hair and ESPECIALLY doesn’t get to dictate how a guest wears their hair. I wouldn’t confront — I would just tell her that I wear my hair short and am going to continue to do so.

If that’s enough for her to kick you out of the wedding party then that’s a really crappy friend.

Post # 6
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I can see from your friend’s point of view that she might ask you to grow your hair if she is planning on having all of her maids with updos,  or a particular hair accessory, but I don’t think its really appropriate for her to freak out or tell you that you must grow your hair.




I also think its very rude that she demanded your fiancé cut his hair and beard.




Maybe you can have a chat to her and ask if there’s a particular reason you need to grow your hair, and also let her know your man won’t be cutting his.

ETA: I’m not saying you should grow your hair, or yield to her demands… she mght just have a reason for asking, like she’s already paid for hair accessories or something.

Post # 7
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Assuming her wedding is only a few months away I would leave your hair long. What are a couple months of longer hair when compared to a friendship? If the wedding is further off then you should sit her down and tell her you understand her concerns, but you might need to get a trim at some point. She can’t fault you for wanting to look presentable. Then once the wedding is over, chop it off!

She is unfortunately out of line when it comes to your fiancé. Just tell her that it’s not up to you, and that your fiancé will avoid the cameras on her wedding day. That is all anyone could ask for. 

Post # 8
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Lakelyn:  I totally agree. If you don’t have to wait long, then stick it out and cut your hair afterwards. If it’s more than a few months (depending on how painful your hair is to live with), then tell her you need it cut for your own sanity and damn the consequences.

Just ignore anything she says about your fiance’s hair – it’s ridiculous she’s even suggesting that he shave it off!

Post # 9
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Lakelyn:  Sorry but I strongly disagree with your first paragraph! It is the OP’s hair and she can do what she wants with it. Why should she tolerate what she doesn’t want for “a couple of months”? The bride controls the BMs’ hair for one day only, not for 100 days.

@LoveLittleDove:  I would politely tell her that you and your fiance won’t be changing your hair, and it’s not fair to expect you to. I would also (again, politely) say that if that’s unacceptable, then it would be best if you dropped out of the bridal party.

Post # 10
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Seriously… what is it with bridezillas?  I mean do normally sane people just totally lose their mind?  Who would marry these people otherwise? lol.

Although I have to laugh… I have almost the opposite story!  One of my bridesmaids has extensions (she got married in November & is planning to leave them in til my wedding next March).  So bridesmaid 2 decided off her own bat to grow her hair out to (almost) match bridesmaid 1 (there’s just the two of them).  But… I think I want their hair up!!!  And I’m dreading telling them!  So much so that I think I’m just going to go with the flow & have them wearing their hair down 😛 

Post # 11
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

i don’t think this is bridezilla … i think weddings, like alcohol, let you see the real person.  I’d probably cut it. 


On another note…. i have knotty, thick, wavy(not curly) hair and it’s strawberry blond.  I look like a Q-tip with my hair short.  I wouldn’t want my chia pet head on someone’s wall forEVER.  People come pet my hair in stores, when i straighten it…. it’s great hair but short .. ick.  Just something to think about. 

Post # 12
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

OMG. this reminds me of my aunts wedding when i was 9! She made my parents get my twin sister and i matching hair cuts, and our ears double pierced.


she’s still a crazy selfish bitch if you were curious.

Post # 13
412 posts
Helper bee

she is absolutely out of line to request anything regarding your fiance’s look. 

for you, how long does she want it to be? if you trimmed it now, would it be long enough by the wedding? if she wants it “as long as possible”, eff that. if she wants it say “past shoulder-length”, i’d maybe try to be accomodating. another solution might be to thin it out. my hair’s thick, and i find it much more manageable thinned out. it also grows back, so by august, you’d be back to your mop, which you could then cut promptly after her wedding. i think all of this is *your* choice though. she’s in the wrong, but if you think it’ll save drama, and you don’t mind, i’d try to accomodate the friend. if you’re going to be severely put out, do what you want.

Post # 15
2543 posts
Sugar bee

That is insane. I would drop out of the wedding party

Post # 16
1784 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Brides get to choose what the bridal party wears on the day of the wedding. They don’t get to decide what other guests wear, and they don’t get to decide what you’re “allowed” to do with your body before the wedding day. 

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