dont even know where to put this. dad's butt hurt over invitations.

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

for your situation, you’re definitely in the right. 

i completely understand though – i ordered a sample of our invitations and showed my mom and fmil at the same time, telling them we could alter the language. my fmil immediately latched on to the fact that it doesn’t list the groom’s parents, and says how unfair that is, etc. i had to remind her ‘it’s the sample – we can change it’. she was so offended! i pointed out those also weren’t our names, it wasn’t the correct date or venue etc – because it’s a sample…so now we’re going to have to figure out a wording everyone’s happy with.

 

Post # 3
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

theEguarantee:  His expectations are based on his perspective. From his perspective- that of another generation- it was common for the parents to be listed on the invitation- especially the parents of the bride.

The bride’s parents were listed because they were hosting the wedding, not because they were paying for the wedding.

It sounds like you did not discuss the wording with them, so of course it has come as a surprise to him.

Given the fact that so many names would need to be mentioned as hosts, it is a reasonable idea to choose your wording.

Let him vent, hear him out, acknowledge his hurt feelings- then tell him it’s a done deal.

Post # 5
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Pay for the whole wedding yourselves that way no one else has a say in your own wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

From his generation i understand why he is annoyed. But i also dont think its that big of a deal so i would let him get over it. 

Can i take this moment to reflect on how much i enjoy the term “butt hurt”? It made me laugh.

Post # 8
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

is he hosting or paying? 

Post # 11
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

theEguarantee:  It’s only stressful if you let other people push your buttons.

In some ways you should be grateful that he is voicing his concerns directly so they can be dealt with, rather than grumbling and complaining to everyone but you.

Post # 12
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If he is paying it would have been nice to run the invitation by him.  But this is the biggest problem with wedding palnning, we don’t get a redo.  In most other cases we can learn from our mistakes but this dosn’t happen during wedding planning.  🙁

Hope you guy can work it out and he will realize that this is a very tiny issue.  

Post # 14
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

theEguarantee:  Same thing just happened to me, except my dad wasn’t overly upset. I gave the invite to my parents and the first thing my dad said was ‘why aren’t our names on it?’. I told him because there wasn’t room on the design and that FILs names aren’t on it either. And it was too late because I’ne already ordered, addressed and delivered most of them, by myself! He pretty much said ‘oh, okay’, and we moved on.

Mine says ‘along with our parents’. My parents and FILs are giving us some money towards the wedding but FI and I are paying for most of it ourselves. I NEVER even thought of having to have everyone’s name on it, especially because we’re not having a formal wedding. Agree with PP, he’s from a different time so just like we think it’s silly to HAVE to put parents names on the invite, he probably thinks it’s silly not to.

Hear him out, explain your side and just tell him you’re sorry but it’s all done now and their names will be in the program (if you have one).

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