(Closed) Don't feel like I deserve it.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You definitely deserve to have a big lovely day centered around the two of you.  It is a huge celebration, and it SHOULD be celebrated.  I don’t think you’re being greedy at all wanting to have a nce wedding.  And people love weddings, so don’t let what your parents think about that dictate your feelings on a really big, important day.  I’m Catholic too, and I can see where you feel like things are supposed to be simple, but it’s ok to celebrate something, to celebrate yourselves and to celebrate your relationship.  There is nothing greedy in that.  You and your fiance deserve it!

Post # 4
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You deserve to have a wedding that you want.  Smile  It’s going to be hard to feel like you don’t deserve but trust me, people will shower you with gifts only because they want to not because they’re obligated.  (I’ve had a few no-gifters but that’s ok with me.  We didn’t have a wedding for gifts.)

Post # 5
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes. I totally felt this and it was in large part why we put off getting engaged FOR YEARS. Then I read “A Practical Wedding” by Meg Keane and I felt so much better. I strongly recommend buying it and reading the website.



I wish you healing as you come to terms with the negative and just-plain-wrong views of your family.


Post # 6
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Salted_Caramel:  I hear you. I feel guilty about all the attention being lavished on me. I felt AWFUL about how much time & effort my mom, friends & neighbors put into my shower, and how much time, energy & money people spent on buying me/us gifts. I never had a sweet sixteen, graduation party, etc., so I’m not used to this level of attention. I appreciated it all, though, and it’s all going less awkwardly for me than I had thought, so that’s good :o) Try to enjoy it… you deserve your version of happiness, whatever that may be. :o)

Post # 7
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Salted_Caramel:  Yep. SOO many similarities between us. We are both Catholic (yay Catholic guilt), have large bridal parties (the only difference is it is 6 Groomsmen including BM), one family makes comments about not liking weddings (though they love us both and are very excited that we are getting married–they just keep making courthouse comments). My wedding is not overly formal/pricey, but it IS large and so yes, I feel pretentious sometimes. I like other people to be comfortable and happy, so sometimes I doubt my decisions. I also don’t like having a ton of attention on me, but on the other hand I have always wanted a wedding. 

I guess I will give you advice and try to apply it to myself: I highly doubt anyone else is thinking you are being pretentious/selfish/etc. As you said, most of these things are the norm and not out of the ordinary. You are not the first one to register, have a large, wedding, and so on. And for as many people as there are who DON’T like weddings, there are equally as many who love them. I love weddings and so do most people I know.

Maybe your family doesn’t like them, and that is okay, but don’t let that stop you from having the wedding you want. If they want to leave (and yes, personally, I know how much that might hurt/be hard to hear), so be it. Enjoy the presence of those who WANT to celebrate your wedding. I am sure you family is happy for you, but a big celebration just might not be how they express it.

You don’t sound bridezilla-y or over the top to me- this is a once in a lifetime day. Do your best to stay grounded, but allow yourself to indulge a little bit! You don’t want to look back and regret not having the wedding you wanted, because of what other people may/may not be thinking. I am sure you 100% deserve to have the wedding day of your dreams. 

Post # 8
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Also, I LOVE giving gifts, but feel so awkward registering for them/accepting them. I have tried to ease my discomfort by remembering how I love gifting people with things, especially for weddings. I love having the guide of their registry so I know what would be useful/fun for them.  Some people probably feel the same way for me, so I should just accept the process graciously. 

Post # 10
23 posts

Let me stop you here – 




But all of the focus on making your wedding a reflection of you as a couple makes me feel like I’m not being true to myself. I’ve never celebrated me, despite wanting to. 



By not celebrating “you”, you are being true to your parents, not true to yourself. If it’s what you want in your heart, then girrrl, you couldn’t be more true to yourself!


It’s the way you were raised, your parents impressions aren’t going to go away if you hold onto them 🙂



Post # 11
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Salted_Caramel:  You deserve your wedding!!!! I think it just feels weird to you because you’ve never been allowed to feel that way before. But you do!!!! It is the people who love you and who you love and they want to be there for you, even if your mom and stepdad have not treated you that way your whole life. It is so okay to accept that and let it be a new part of you. Think of it as you joining in with your Fiance and sharing his culture. And you do not need to feel guilty!!!! I know it’s hard to control feelings, but you definitely do not need to feel bad about it. You deserve this. 

Post # 13
481 posts
Helper bee

Dude, it’s not about “deserving” anything – a med/large 200 person wedding with a ballroom reception is very much within the social norm. NO ONE in the entire world is going to think that you’re doing something selfish or weird. You said yourself all your friends have had birthdays, graduation parties, etc. Totally normal. Totally average American not taking more than their share and participating in an established cultural ritual.


Jesus himself apparently approved of wedding celebrations, since he basically picked up the bar tab at one. 


No guilt! 


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