Weddingbee boards

I agree with you in some aspects but I really don't see what a cash bar has to do with bridesmaid dresses.  I think that in every wedding there are priorities and compromises.  I wouldn't dream of having a cash bar and wearing a dress (as a bride) that cost several thousand dollars, some brides would be fine with that. 

I think you are drawn to the BM dress situation b/c of cultural reasons.  I know that in Ireland it is expected that the bride will pay for BM dresses, thats just how it's done (maybe the same in the UK?).  Here in the US it has been traditionally expected that if a BM agrees to the position, she will pay for the dress. 

I don't see anything wrong with helping your BMs pay for their dresses but I don't think it's horrible if you don't.

PS, I've lived in both Ireland and the US, I've been in 3 weddings where I paid ~$200 for each dress that I'll never wear again.  I choose a color and a lenght and asked my BMs to pick the dresses.  Some choose dresses that cost less than $100.

So you are saying that you'd rather buy dresses for your 5 closest friends and have the 200 people you INVITED to your wedding buy their own booze at the event that you are hosting? 

@wonderland - I completly agree, it's not anyones place to judge people based on traditions in a different culture, and honestly, traditions or norms among different groups of friends.

Every wedding I've ever been to have been weddings with open bars where the BMs pay for their own dresses.  This is what is normal in my region among my family and friends. 

I try not to use the word tacky and I understand that an open bar isn't expected in all cultures/groups.  In the same way that people don't like being judged for having a cash bar, I don't like being judged for the fact that my BMs paid for their own dresses.

Weddings are full of priorities and compromises. 

I agree with you TOTALLY. I actually just told my BM's to get whatever dress they wanted and gave them a choice of two colors. My MOH didn't like the idea of a bunch of different fabrics (she is way more picky than me), so she actually talked them all into going for the same designer and same fabric, but there were still about 50 dresses to choose from.

I didn't know she was being kind of MOH-zilla about this (she is very perfectionist, but my other BM's all know her well so we all just thought it was funny). I asked the other BM's if they wanted me to tell her to lay off, but they all said they were fine with her suggestion so we rolled with it.

I guess its easy for me to say not to take the whole BM Dress thing so seriously because a) I had awesome BM's who didn't care about what they were wearing and b) I didn't care much about what they wore. But I think its totally right, you should look at it as a big picture thing, not as a dress. They are spending a ton of money to be in your wedding, the least they can get out of it is a dress they may be able to wear again someday!

The alcohol: I have never been to a wedding where we were expected to pay for alcohol. My family would not have looked upon a cash bar favorably!! Its the same on my husband's side. We decided to pick our venue with this in mind, and chose a city park where we could schlep everything in ourselves.

This way we were able to provide our own alcohol (tons of it) and make everyone happy, while saving money, too. It cost us under $1000 to provide limitless wine, beer, and liquor, plus a bottle of champagne per table for the toast. Everyone was super happy with the serve-yourself style we chose (no bartender) and we didn't break the bank to do it.

I think a lot of people haven't experienced things outside their own cultural norms, and more importantly, haven't experienced being judged on their norms verses others. That's why I like weddingbee, a lot of different cultural practices get brought to my attention, even within the US. I agree that using the word tacky is not very sensitive and would never do it myself since I don't like the word, but at the same time thinking that something is tacky is not inherently wrong is it?? I am positive there are some things that I chose to do with my wedding that people would find "tacky," and it doesn't offend me because I have different tastes from others, and we come form different backgrounds.

Maybe I just look at WB too scientifically, just looking at facts, not taking it personal! ^__^

We should start a thrread on what to do with old, unwearable BM dresses. I know some people get them made into other garments, or use them to make fancy pillowcases!

We're hosting wine and beer and people can purchase mixed drinks if they so choose, and not paying for bridesmaid dresses. We're on a tight budget, and I really don't mind if people think I'm tacky for my limited bar and purchase-if-you-please option.

I mentioned to my bridesmaids that they could all pick a knee length dress in navy blue so they could all stay in their own budget since I have one bridesmaid who needs to be very fiscally responsible right now due to her job situation and another who just came back from the Peace Corps and is also adhering to a strict budget, but they nixed it. They're all very busy and didn't want the added pressure of having to find their own dresses, even though I told them I wouldn't be demanding about what they choose at all, as long as they felt good. So for their convenience, we'll just go with a dress around $100 and call it a day. They don't have a problem with it and I don't have a problem with it.

Y'know, I feel like I have to justify my decisions in these posts, and I think that's worse than actually making the decisions. I'm kinda tired of people judging the way other people decide to do things. Respectfully comparing and talking about differences in cultural norms or area customs is one thing, and it's fine talking about why you felt you needed to make the decision you did, but I think it's pretty annoying to throw blanket statements of "that's wrong" in either direction.

I agree with you totally. I didnt want my bm to have exspensive dresses i was thining 50 buck dresses and actually found ones for 20. That way there not out that much.

My Bm's knew that I couldn't afford to buy their dresses and they were more than happy to purchase it themselves. That being said I didnt' want them to spend a lot on the dress. I was pretty open about what they could wear as far as color and style as long as the colors stayed in our color scheme. We all went shopping together. Well they actually all decided on the same dress and it was about $150. I thought that was too much to spend on a dress but they told me I had no say in how much they spent. The dress looked great on all of them (they are all different shapes too!) so they agreed that that was the dress they would be wearing. Since it is chocolate brown and knee length they all said they could wear it again but we shall see....

So to offset the cost of the dress I paid for the cabin we stayed in the weekend of the wedding. That way they didn't have to pay for lodging.

As for the bar at the wedding, we had wine gifted to us from a friend that works at a winery and DH's uncle gifted us a keg (he also had a jockey box thing that has the tap on it so it didn't feel like we were at a keg party!)

And I agree with spinningjenny, we shouldn't say a particular way is right or wrong, nice or tacky. It seems like most of us on here are payng for our weddings ourselves, we should be able to do what we want for our wedding and not have to worry about offending anyone.

eh...i think this is a regional, cultural, and social thing. In my social circle, it would be taboo to ask guests to pay for their own drinks. you either have no alcohol, limited alcohol, or free alcohol. you dont ask people to pay. in my circle, its also expected that BMs buy their own dresses. Ive been in multiple wedding with various edics about said dresses, and for my wedding, I gave them a choice of 10 different styles.  But nonetheless, I didnt pay.  Nor did I pay for airfare, hotel rooms, etc.  I paid for jewelry and make up.  For some people, $200 is a lot to pay for a dress.  For others, its not.  I think we should just keep in mind that we all have different backgrounds and expectations.  I didnt even occur to me to pay for their dresses, and I didnt even consider buying their dresses (I had 9 BMs) and making the guests pay for their drinks.  but if thats the norm where youre from, more power to you.  Just dont judge us, because we arent judging you.