Post # 1
so Bees, here I am on meltdown number 2. yes already my second freak out and I am not even getting married until next October. after my parents got divorced about 3 years ago there was a complete seperation of the family, my mother placed a restraining order on me earlier this year because i do not accept her cheating boyfriend. so i do not speak to my mother or her 50 person italian family, i am close with my father but his family is extraordinarily small (both of his parents are dead which leaves his brother) that being said. i don’t have many girlfriends either… I have a few friends from high school that will be apart of my bridal party and a close friend but none that I feel are like a sister to me. I am starting to feel like a loner with no friends or family. meanwhile, my FI has about 75 people he would like to invite. we’ve talked about having a small destination wedding of about 20 people but I know he was really looking forward to celebrating it with a bunch of people. I don’t want to just invite guests just to match his number and fill seats, but I also don’t want to look like I don’t have any loved ones either. I know I am caring way too much of what people will think. something just doesn’t feel right with the guests, but there are things I can’t change… what are good ways to camoflauge these things? especially when it comes to who sits on what side during the ceremony? i feel that even if i tell guests to not choose a side they subconsciously will… any and every idea would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
@b53191: My idea? Definitely small destination wedding.
If I had it to do over again, I DEFINITELY would have done this.
First of all, I know your FI wants to invite a lot of people from his side, but trust me when I say that as the bride you will be the one runnig around like crazy trying to cater to people & having lots of people is a lot more of a hassle than it is fun.
Plus, if you have a small wedding you can spend more on many elements just due to having fewer people. You also then get to celebrate with your nearest & dearest & have that quality time with them that you wouldn’t get with a larger wedding. I seriously spent almost no time with anybody since my wedding was 100 people & with a 4hr reception that really limits your time, especially if people leave early (which almost everybody did at my reception).
Perhaps you can do a destination wedding & omit a bridal party (they really aren’t necessary anyway). Then just invite your friends as guests.
Post # 4
You could do the private destination wedding with the people closest to you guys and do an informal reception when you get back where he can have the bigger feel but its not as segregated between families. Or at the ceremony just let people sit where ever.
Post # 5
i am definitely leaning towards a small wedding! any good bribing suggestions lol 😉 ?
Post # 6
First sorry ti hear the situation about your parents divorce. Divorce IMO is harder when the kids are adult age. It takes time for everyone to adjust to the new way, so you just need to give it time with your mum’s family. My parents have been divorced for 6 or 7 years now, and even though I think it was the best thing ever, I went through the things you describe. I didnt approce at all of my dads first gf, and he was writing me out of his will even, then one day somehow he woke up and changed it. My mum has been the same, a bit of depression in there (though she left dad for another man, go figure?) and has been crazy. So with the family stuff, just give it time. Its not easy to see your parents with others.
As for the wedding, at least you have some friends! I dont have anyone close enough to ask to be my bridesmaid even (No sisters and no girl cousins either). And in family, I’ll have ~10 including cousins, and FI will have ~30 just in siblings and nieces/nephews. I would say try to balance it out by inviting people that youre both friends with, plus maybe equal amounts of who only one of you are friends with. Thats what we’re doing. And who cares on the imbalance in family, everyone knows!
Post # 7
Aww *hugs* We invited 50 people to our wedding and 35 came and it was amazing, I wouldn’t change it for the world. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have 200 people to invite – you only need the people there who you care about! Plus, then you can actually talk to all of them lol. Don’t let it get you down!!!
I would say one way to ‘camoflage’ if there’s an unequal amount of guests on the two sides would be to have people sit anywhere, rather than on a side. Even though we had equal amounts of guests, we had people mix. Some people do little ‘pick a seat, not a side’ signs, but we just had our usher tell people to sit wherever.
Post # 8
You are joining families! His family will be yours. Those 75 are being invited to see both of you. Take it as an opportunity to get to know everyone new in your life!
Post # 9
@Baimee: I agree.
for my wedding we had 130 and 30 was my husband and there 100 were my family. It was a nice big bland of people. at the end of the their there is not a his/her side but our family. My friend had a cute sign at her wedding. It went soemthing like “please do not pick a side as his/her but just take a seat and help us become one”.
Post # 10
Can you have ushers direct people to each side rather than letting them choose? Although my main vote is destination wedding with smaller number!
Post # 11
I understand where you are coming from.
I moved here to be with my now FI. I have maybe 2 girlfriends. He grew up here his whole life. my family lives over seas. He wanted a HUGE wedding here. his idea of a wedding was a scene from “wedding crashers”.
I simply told him, I refuse to feel like a loner fool on my wedding day, only have a handful (literally, maybe 5) on my side and 100+ for his.
I suggested a DW and perhaps a reception/introduction party back here later(we probably wont anyways cuz his parents wont give him a single penny nor do we have the money to feed 100+ people. my parents are paying for our DW and honeymoon).
We are having 4 guests. total of 7 people. us 2, our daughter and parents from both sides. tbh i dont even know if his parents are coming. theyve been divorced over 20 years and FI has never been a priority to them. his mom has a cheating lying boyfriend whom i do not want present at our ceremony, and his dad doesn’t even have a steady gf because he is too picky when he really doesn’t deserve to be. I told them they are more than welcome to bring a partner/guest with them to our location but their guests are not invited to our extremely small and intimate ceremony which would only take 30 min MAX. call me selfish but it is our special day and I do not need a cheating lying money stealing douchebage(FI’s mothers bf) or a random woman I probably dont even know the name of (whom ever his father brings) present.
Talk to your FI about exactly how you feel. thats what I did and he was more than understanding.
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Your mom’s entire family is shutting you out b/c of her cheating boyfriend? Boo. That’s my first comment 🙁
Talk to your FI and push for the smaller wedding! And otherwise, do the sign telling people not to pick a “side.” Or the usher idea!
And yes, enjoy your new family.