Don’t Know about Dad Walking me Down the Aisle

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

How about you walk yourself down the aisle or have your groom walk down the aisle? This way- it will look like you’re just doing something untraditional and not shunning your Dad.

I get where you’re coming from, but at the same time you don’t want to do something that makes YOU uncomfortable.

I hope you get some good ideas on this thread. *HUGS

Post # 4
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think you should do whatever you want to do! Im not having my dad walk me because to me it would just be weird, I love my dad but we are just not like that. (when he visits his mom he only lets her kiss his hand!) And we are also not doing any dances!

Post # 5
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am having my mom walk my down the aisle because I feel she has been the most important and supportive person in my life. My dad and stepdad are walking side by side in the family’s procession. My dad hasn’t said anything about it (becasue he is passive aggressive) but I know he’s upset. Though honestly, I don’t care because just like you I have a shitty relationship with him. If he confronted me about it I would say that to me the tradition of walking a bride down the aisle is about support, not patriarchy, and as a supportive role my mom takes the cake.

Post # 6
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have a terrible relationship with my father, so I chose to walk myself down the aisle.  Best. Decision. Ever.

My father was so angry about this that he chose not to come to the wedding, and basically disowned me.  But that just made me realize that I made the right decision.  It was wonderful walking confidently towards my husband, on my own.

Post # 7
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I too think that you should choose to do whatever makes YOU the most happy. I think having your mother or sister walk you down the aisle would be beautiful as would walking down by yourself. If your father complains tell him that this is just how your family is right now. Ok don’t do that, but you get the picture!

Post # 8
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Though I haven’t been married yet or seen the situation you describe, I say go for it!  It seems like sticking with wedding traditions is not a good plan if they don’t feel like a good fit for you.  I think the wedding day is a day for you and your soon to be life partner to have things done in such a way that feels right and comfortable for YOU, not for what tradition dictates or whatever.  I think having your sister walk you down the aisle is a wonderful idea, if nothing else because it will be so much more meaningful and special to you.

Post # 9
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I asked my brother to do it, because I am in the same situation, but he said he would feel awkward. My problem was I didn’t know if dad would even show up because he missed both my graduations but never told me if he would or wouldnt come. So, the way I handled it, even though we have our problems, and I also caught him cheating (after my mom had, thank god) Anyway, because my brother didn’t want to make my dad feel bad, I opted to just ask my father if he wanted a tux, so I would know if he was coming or not, and now that I have and have asked him to walk me down, he has become a lot more involved in planning, and may actually contribute– ha!

Post # 10
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

To honor my mother however, we have a nod to our moms in the ceremony, and not our fathers.

Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Why would you even consider letting him? Have your Mom walk you, or walk yourself! He doesn’t deserve the honor.

🙂

Post # 12
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

my SIL had her mom walk her down the aisle, and it was beautiful! not a dry eye in the place. A wedding is as unique as you are and anyone who knows and loves you will not give you a weird stare as youre walking down the aisle no matter who you are walking with.

I say only do what you want to, (skip the dance if you like) but tell him ahead of time and if he asks why i would tell him.

Good call on calling out your Dad though, it sounds like he needed to hear it and I think you did a good thing by standing up for you and your sister.

Post # 13
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Wow, that sounded almost exactly like my relationship with my dad, caught him cheating on my mom after they were married for 25 years online as well.  My dad and I have both worked really hard to reestablish the relationship in the last few years, which has been challanging.  I am sorry things havn’t worked out as well with your dad.  If he was involved when you were younger, and a good dad, I would still say have him walk you down the aisle, providing you have a good heart to heart over how his current actions are making you feel.

Post # 14
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hey there,

I am in a very similar situation. Although my dad is not quite as badly behaved as yours, I have serious issues with being close to him emotionally. This tradition just rubbed me the wrong way and I too worried about the social fallout. After much hemming and hawing I wrote a letter to my parents (for me an easier way to communicate) letting them know that I wanted to walk down the aisle by myself. I told them that for me the tradition didn’t make much sense and I didn’t want to support it or do something that felt dishonest. It’s important to me that those moments travelling down the aisle feel true- it is how I’m “entering” the marriage. I’m sure he’s hurt, but it was either going to be me or him. I chose me. I will be walking down the aisle to Nina Simone and owning every second of it. If anyone asks (and I’m sure they will- nosy little buggers), I’ll tell them that I’m not a goat and I don’t need to be walked anywhere or handed over to anyone.* Good luck!

*This is in no way meant to offend anyone taking part in this tradition- just a means of diversion for rude busybodies.

Post # 15
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I’m there with you! I’ve decided to have my mom and my dad walk me down the aisle. My mom, because she’s my bestfriend, and I probably wouldn’t have survived my dad with out her. My dad, because, well, it’s my wedding. I don’t want to look back in 30 or 40 years when I’m burying my dad and say “Wow, I really wish he’d have walked me down the aisle”. It took me months if not years to decide this. In the end it has to be your decision. What will you be happy with the day of, in 5 years, in 20 years? Any choice you make will be the right one, just trust yourself.

Post # 16
Member
10 posts
Newbee

Oh, and as for the dance song? How about “Father of Mine” by Everclear? I thought about that one for way too long. Still consider it 4 days out of the week 🙂

Leave a comment


Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors