Post # 1
I post here a good bit on a different username but didn’t want this to be connected with it.
So here’s the story, sorry it’s kind of long.
I met my SO quite a while ago and knew right away that I liked him. He was interesting and kind and everything I wanted. We spent about a month together, going out all the time and spending hours just talking.
After about a month I had to go on a trip that had been arranged for awhile. At that time I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. I really liked him but he was being kind of clingy and needy. I knew he liked me a lot, but I was looking forward to spending a couple weeks away to clear my head and figure out how I felt.
I got on the plane and sat down next to this guy. He was pretty good looking and very chatty and we talked for a few minutes. I told him all I wanted to do was take my sleeping pill and sleep the whole flight since I really don’t like flying and it was a long way. *yea, red flags going up, but I didn’t think about it at the time*
So the pill I took is a prescription given to my dad that’s quite strong. You’re supposed to sleep a straight 8 hours on it uninterrupted. I took the pill and quickly fell asleep. I kind of half way woke up a couple hours later and could feel someone touching me. I thought I was dreaming and my mind created some crazy weird scenarios in my half-dreams. I was really groggy and confused but basically he went as far as you can go sitting in plane seats with people around and blankets over us.
I didn’t stop him and though he was aggressive he didn’t hurt me. When I pushed him away he’d back off and then come back a minute later. Looking back I know I should have yelled and got a different seat, but I was so groggy and emotional (I get really emotional when I’m tired) and confused about my SO and just, yea…
I haven’t told anyone. I’m a virgin (or yea, unless that counts) and my SO has only had one fling that he really regrets. I don’t want to tell him, but basically I just wanted to get it out and feel some support for a weird, uncomfortable situation.
Post # 3
This man took advantage of you and sexually molested you! It doesn’t matter that you were too groggy to tell him to stop or ask for a seat change. What he did was wrong and very illegal! It’s essentially the same thing as a dentist molesting his patient while she’s under anesthetic (which has happened in the news). You have nothing to be ashamed about nor should you feel you should conceal what happened from your fiance. What happened to you was DONE AGAINST your will.
Post # 4
he started doing this while you were unconscious? wow. yes, im sorry, my dear, but thats molestation.
how long ago was this? i think you should definitely talk to someone about it. i don’t think this feeling will go away on its own. so sorry this happened to you.
what happened when you finally woke up at the end of the flight?
Post # 5
You were sexually assaulted and possibly even raped (depending on what happened).
NONE of what happened was your fault.
How long ago was this?
You should talk with someone about this. Go to a therapist or a close friend or someone you feel safe with.
You have every right to feel violated and upset, but DO NOT feel guilty or like you brought it upon yourself.
Depending on how long ago it was, you could try and go after him for it. He should not be able to get away with that kind of behavior.
Just because you were “groggy” does not make what he did ok or less illegal.
I am so sorry that happened to you.
Post # 6
You were sexually molested! This is wrong. I agree with the above statement… the fact that you didn’t say anything means nothing. You were medicated!!! Do you know where this guy is from? what his name is? …. I’d hate to see him get away with that. It’s just wrong.
Post # 7
It was about 6 months ago. I don’t remember his name just that he was from San Fransisco.
When I started to feel more awake, after they brought the second meal I went to the bathroom and stayed there as long as I felt like I could and he must have done the same because he wasn’t in his seat for awhile. When he came back he tried to laugh it off like, “that was crazy wasn’t it” “you’re gorgeous, glad you didn’t stop me”. I didn’t really say anything and was glad there was a lot of activity with the flight ending (international so all the paperwork and stuff). He asked for my number and I gave him a fake one and just kind of looked out the window and got out of the plane as soon as I could. I just didn’t want to make a scene because I thought he’d just try to embarrass me or deny it. I don’t know, I don’t feel guilty as much as sort of numb about it.
Post # 8
@anony_mouse: Call the airline. They have the information on where everyone sat. Not sure if there’s anything you can do now, but talk to a counselor.
He is a sick scumbag.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
You really need to talk to someone you trust about this. Someone who won’t judge you.
It was not your fault. I know what it’s like to feel terribly alone and isolated even when surrounded by people.
Please talk to someone, if you can’t talk to your SO then find someone else to talk to you.
You may be feeling numb right now, but you need to address all the other emotions.
Again, I am so sorry. Please feel free to PM me if you want.
Post # 9
Get thee to a therapist my darling. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to feel guilty or bad about, and although you say you don’t, I’m sure underneath all that “numb” there’s a little bit of feeling like somehow you’re to blame. Please don’t just do nothing about this and try to go on like normal. Something very not-normal happened to you and if you try to hide from this you’ll see it pop up in doubt, anger, fear, and guilt throughout your life until you talk to someone and handle what happened. I wish you the best of luck and really am sorry that something like this has happened to you. You’re not alone, and you’re not the first woman to be molested, so go talk to a professional about it who can help you, without judgement, see that what happened was wrong, YOU were not.
Post # 10
I am so sorry. Do not blame yourself. None of us can say for certain how we would have reacted either.
Post # 11
Wow, I am so sorry that you went through that. I agree with KatNYC2011 – you could call the airline and file a report. Maybe they can flag him in some way to make sure that if he’s ever on another flight, the flight attendants can watch him like a hawk and make sure he doesn’t do this again.
That is so awful that someone would do that to you. I really hope you can talk to someone – if not your fiance, then a counselor or a friend. You need people who can help you through what you are feeling now. It was totally not your fault, and you shouldn’t have to suffer going forward because of what that sicko did to you.
Post # 12
Just one more thing, but please don’t ever ever take prescription medication that is not meant for you. Your doctor will prescribe medication based on a host of factors, including your weight. Taking someone else’s meds is very risky to your heart and other organs and cause damage to you, even if they’re safe for someone else.
Post # 13
please don’t think that you did anything wrong or that you were any way responsible for what happened. bottom line is, there is no excuse for what he did. you could have stripped down naked, took your pill and gone to sleep, and that is STILL not an excuse for him abusing you like that. i agree with talking to a therapist, if only to sort out your feelings and clear your head.
also, it seems that youre worried about what your SO would think of what happened – without knowing him, i would still be hard pressed to think that he would find you responsible for what happened. this was not consensual fooling around, or consensual ANYTHING – i would honestly let him be the least of your worries, and confide in him if and when you feel comfortable to.
Post # 14
I had a similar situation happen to me a few years ago when i was visiting my brother -except i wasnt on a plane i was on a military base and it wasnt a stranger it was a friend. . I only ever told my mom and my sister (she was actually there when it happened) Just recently i felt comfortable enough to tell Fiance about it (even though it happened wayyyy before he came around) – it made him mad, not at me obviously – but im glad he knows about it..not really sure why as it doesnt make a difference but still..it was nice not to have it a secret anymore. it feels good being with someone i can trust. no wonder we are getting married! 🙂
Know that its not your fault – i can think of a million things i could have done to keep that from happeneing but ulitmately what happened, happened.
if it makes you feel better i dont feel like my experience affected me much as a person or in my relationships. but it did teach me to stand up for myself.
Find someone you can trust and talk to
Post # 15
Wow. I am so sorry for what happened to you. I would definitely (as everyone before me has said) talk to someone. And possibly call the airline. They would probably not be able to help you but you could still try.
Post # 16
I agree with PPs, you did NOTHING wrong. It was absolutely not your fault that this man took advantage of you.
There are no rules about who you have to tell or don’t have to tell. The only thing that matters is what you want. So if you don’t want to tell your Fiance, don’t. But if you do feel that you need someone confidential to talk to, talking to a counsellor could help you process your feelings about what happened.