- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So I have a friend who I have been BFFs with since the 5th grade. We’re both 27/28 now. Like any normal friendship, we’ve had our ups and downs.
Currently, we’re in 2 different places in our lives. I’m in a LTR, planning a wedding (nothing set in stone yet, not ring yet, but in the planning stages), with a career and a Maid/Matron of Honor for another BFF of mine. She’s single, kind of trying to find herself in what she wants to do with her career, and likes to party a lot.
Previously, this BFF of mine (we’ll call her D) mentioned how much she hates weddings. She was a Maid/Matron of Honor back in college for a friend of hers and had a terrible experience. When I brought up weddings once before (just talking to her about emotional things, like how upset I was how some people were acting or how my parents were acting, etc, related to wedding planning), she tried to shut me up by telling me she didn’t want to talk about weddings b/c she hated weddings. I got so hurt and upset – here I am, coming to you about how hurt I am by how other people are treating me and then you tell me that you don’t want to talk about it? I immediately told her that it was hurtful and rude and she immediately apologized and said I was right and that although she hates weddings, she’s very happy for me and will be there to support me in the entire wedding planning process as long as it’s not during working hours (we talk during working hours the most, but that’s fine – I have not brought up wedding related stuff since working hours).
Fast forward a month or so and we’re out to dinner this past weekend when I get an email from my other friend (the one I’m a Maid/Matron of Honor for – we’ll call her X) about earrings for her wedding. I made a comment about it, asked her if she wanted to see my friend’s dress, to which she said yes and then out of no where goes “how did we end up talking about weddings AGAIN? I hate weddings!” … I just said, “Well, I had just gotten an email from X about her bridal earrings and that’s how we started talking about it.” And she said “oh ok” and then I think she must have realized she had an outburst, because she started asking me questions about my planning – whether I was still considering doing a Destination Wedding or whether I was going to go with the vineyard idea b/c she thought the vineyard idea sounded beautiful.
I love this girl and she’s been my friend so a very long time. I know we’re in two different places and I definitely don’t expect her to be excited for my wedding. And because of this, I haven’t asked anyone to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man yet – I’m actually considering whether I want a Bridal Party at all or maybe just a Maid/Matron of Honor or nothing, I’m not sure – but mainly b/c of her. But, how could I even ask this girl to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for me? I’m always going to hear her say “I hate weddings!” I just want her to stand here by my side when I get married, is that so much to ask of someone??
I don’t know what the point of this post is really – I guess just to get a better handle on how to deal with feeling hurt that my friend can’t put her feelings aside from a bad experience for one second to be happy for me. I’m not asking her to come to any appointments, I’m not asking her to do any DIY anything – I haven’t asked anyone anything. I just want someone to listen to me and talk to me when I get upset or excited about something, even if it is wedding related. Should I just consider her someone I shouldn’t talk to about anything wedding related and move on? Or am I right to be hurt by her continuously shutting me up?