Weddingbee boards

OK, so let me outline the situation so this makes sense. FILs are hosting the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding for just close family and wedding party members and then after dinner hosting an open party with bar for the OOT guests who will be there friday night. Because of that, they will need to know approximately how many people will be attending the party friday. So FMIL want to send out invitations both for the rehearsal dinner and for the party after the dinner so she can get RSVPs. She had originally suggested sending out those invitations before I send out the wedding invitations, but I said that I didn't want to do that. So now we are probably going to end up sending all three out at the same time.

I'm just a little confused/overwhelmed with the amount of separate invitations here. I know from experience and reading a billion posts here that it's hard enough to get people to RSVP for the damn wedding and this is adding a bunch of extra dimensions to the process. I suggested just putting the info on the wedding website (which I'm going to do anyway) but FMIL really wants to do formal invitations with RSVPs because they need to have numbers for the RD and afterparty. I get that, but I'm just sort of overwhelmed.

Any suggestions on how to handle or what the timeframe should be on when invites go out?

If you can, I'd bundle the invites together as much as possible.  Since the RD is so small, maybe just add an enclosure card to the formal invites and ask that guests RSVP directly to FMIL by phone.

For the OOT party do a separate invite - maybe just a postcard, and have people RSVP through the website.

Either way, make the headcount FMIL's job.  Make sure she has the contact numbers for all the various guests and have them work with her to RSVP.

FILs are hosting the rehearsal dinner and the OOT party afterward? Then they are in charge of the invitations and RSVPS for both of those parties. You shouldn't even be having to deal with this at all. Just give her a guest list with addresses and say "have fun!" As far as when they should go out, any time after you have sent out the formal invitations is fine.  Also, I would not put any information on the website about events that not all guests are invited to.

Hope it works out well.

While I agree that the easiest way to minimize the amount of invitations would be to do inserts, I don't think that's gonna work. I know how excited FILs are about throwing the RD and the party and I think they deserve to have a separate invitation for the dinner and party they are hosting. I feel that doing an insert is in some way making their party an afterthought, you know? I would feel like I was slighting them if I suggested that. Does that make sense?

Bundle, bundle, bundle. And I fully agree with teaandtoast, make getting the RSVPs for the parties the FMIL's job. Like you said, you have enough to do with getting RSVPs for the wedding!

@LittlestBirds - I have a really good relationship with FMIL and she's SO excited and really wants to us to figure out the invitations together because she wants to make sure I approve of/like what she picks out. She's really very sweet so as much as it would be easier for me to just throw all the responsibility in their corner, I don't feel comfortable doing that. I've gotta make it work somehow.

@NeliBee - I don't think it makes sense to wait until the RSVPs are in for the wedding because some OOT people might opt to come earlier if they know ahead of time there will be wedding festivities for everyone on friday, not just the RD for the wedding party. Yeah, the info will be on the website, but not everyone will use the website.

I'm so grateful they are doing this but it's so complicated!